Should I reach out to my ex?

[flowerbomb2021]

Long story short...I've been struggling with getting over my ex(view prior posts). It's been hard and I even sought out therapy for the last month and a half to help me get through that final hump. Therapy was helpful because after talking and crying things out, I realized how useless it was to still make my ex and our breakup affect my life. After my last session (which was last week), I felt way better than I was when we first started. And I felt like I was myself again. I dont cry anymore nor do I have this expectation that me and my ex will get back together or even some form of a friendship. However, despite me feeling normal again, I do still think about him and have been wanting his attention. He texted me once in late April and I ignored it because at that time, I was not ready to have a conversation with him. Fast forward to now, and I believe I am ready to have a conversation from him. I thought about the pros and cons of this. Do I really want to open up heal wounds? What if he does not respond back?Will I get hurt again? What will I say back if he does? What if he confuses me again?

 

I have zero expectations but honestly, I just need final closure. I've moved on and I'm sure he has too, but there are still some thoughts about what led to the demise of our relationship that still bother me and for my own sanity, I would like some kind of answer or something. I have been struggling with forgiving my ex and I am finally at the point where I want to let everything go for real and forgive.

 

So should I do it? I'm not in a huge rush to do it but I also don't want to wait too much longer (no later than next month).

[MissCanuck]

I don't think you're ready yet, to be honest. You don't sound as though you have moved on, which is perfectly okay. Moving on usually implies that you're indifferent about seeking more answers from an ex, and certainly it doesn't involve wanting an ex's attention. You need to be honest with yourself about that.

 

It sounds like you've made some great strides, and good for you! I have a feeling that talking to him now would set you way back again and erase much of your progress. As such, I would strongly advise against it. You're not there yet.

[SooSad33]

I second that... to NOT reach out.

As it sounds like this has been quite an emotional struggle for you Yes, it can hurt, for a while!

 

So... keep going as you are.

 

Usually.. we KNOW we're over them when we not longer have that yearning or interest to reach out.

 

Give it more time, for sure.

 

Maybe, in another month or two, you'll start to think in a different sense and possible ask yourself... WHY would I want to go there now? Why bother approaching him now? I'm over him... and I don't feel the 'need' to go there anymore.

 

This is what you want.

 

If you think in a different mode on all of this.... what GOOD is any of it going to be, should he not reply.. show no further interest etc? Would that bother you a bit? ( Possibly).

 

Then the idea is to keep on as you are now.... moving ahead. You do NOT want any more fall-backs. And yes, that happens way too often, when we try to work on accepting & healing from a BU.

 

The process.... will affect you in 'waves'. We're good.. we're not... we're doing a bit better.. we're hurting again.

 

On day at a time... keep going ahead.

 

Remain no contact to further yourself.

[flowerbomb2021]

I don't think you're ready yet, to be honest. You don't sound as though you have moved on, which is perfectly okay. Moving on usually implies that you're indifferent about seeking more answers from an ex, and certainly it doesn't involve wanting an ex's attention. You need to be honest with yourself about that.

 

It sounds like you've made some great strides, and good for you! I have a feeling that talking to him now would set you way back again and erase much of your progress. As such, I would strongly advise against it. You're not there yet.

 

 

Yeah I agree that it might set back. That's why I've been going so back and forth about it. Part of me just wants to have a simple conversation with him and the other part of me is like what's the point? I guess in a couple more months I may feel differently.

[flowerbomb2021]

Thank you both, I appreciate the replies. I guess how I see things is that I know there wont be anything coming from a simple text but it could hinder my progress and I def. dont want to open up healed wounds.

 

I will hold off on texting him and contemplate more about it as well as continue to heal and move forward.

[nutbrownhare]

Ironically, when you've healed sufficiently to reach out to an ex WITHOUT being set back, it also means that you've obtained your own closure and don't need it from them.

 

Another test for yourself is that if you'd be OK seeing your ex with a new partner, without it bothering you, then you're ready to reach out.

 

Until then, just don't. You'd only be pulling off your scabs.

[Jibralta]

I read a little bit of your backstory. I don't think you should contact him. You will never be able to understand why he behaved the way that he did because you are not like him. You have a completely different set of values. Only time will bring you closure in a situation like this. Move on in the forward direction, and don't look back!!

[flowerbomb2021]

Yeah, it's this constant back and forth I struggle with. Sometimes I really do just want to reach out but the other part of me feels like I'm healed enough and see no reason in seeking answers from him. I know I've moved on and am stronger than I was months ago, which is another reason why reaching out may not be a good idea.

 

I think part of me wanting to reach out is because I really felt like we were supposed to be together for a long time. And the longer we go without talking or seeing each other, the more insignificant our relationship seems. He was a major part of my life and sometimes I do get insecure about us not having that future anymore. I guess part of me wants to let him know I dont hate him anymore but then again, what's the point.