Is there a chance for us? So much pain...

[WaitTilMarch]

This is my first post. So here is my/our story.

 

We are both in our 30s, both in graduate school and working + I have a preteen child from previous relationship.

 

We were together for a year and it was the most intense and wonderful year. He can be very demanding, but I found myself wanting to go along and make things better more than I have for anyone. But in other ways, everything was so perfect between us, we were connected mentally, emotionally, and definitely physically, best sex ive ever experienced

 

We would constantly study together. I am trying to get into computer programming and he is already experienced and has been working as a developer for a few years...

 

But the last few months in the spring was the busiest and most stressful semester for both of us. Up until that point he was the one talking about moving in together and wanting to get married eventually, but he stopped bringing that up. I asked him about it and he said he wasnt sure how he felt anymore and needed a month to think about it.

 

It hurt but I gave him a month that started in April. We had a great time in that month and he said almost every day how much he loved me and how happy he was. I came back to him after a month and he said he forgot about the conversation, but could i give him another day?

 

I gave him another day and he came back and said he didn't feel 100% again and he didn't know when he would. It felt like a punch in the gut. I think now he probably felt backed in a corner?

 

Anyway, i broke it off...then he sort of changed hs tune later that night and made it sound like he did love me that much but like i broke things off too soon...it was confusing so I actually begged for him to give me another chance. He took several hours and then said that we couldn't be together.

 

He started looking for a date on OKCUpid right away, within an hour. I know he started dating girls right away and a few weeks later announced on facebook. Now, before you assume, I know he didn't meet this girl before while we were dating. He just happens to be a very attractive guy.

 

So anyway, we decided to stay friends and we were stil working on coding projects together and he seemed to be in a hurry to tell me that he was seeing someone else and he wanted to know if i was? He seemed almost angry that I wasn't.

 

He later apologized for that, so I tried to stay low contact and only was in his life in ways he expressed invited me. And never mentioned relationship. He wanted to go to concerts together and possibly wanted to spend more time together than in the past, but would always assure the friends part.

 

It was painful. Meanwhile, many guys were asking me out, but the thought of being w/ them made me nauseous.

 

So that's how things were going abou 7-8 weeks after the breakup. That was until a mutual friend meddled w/ the situation.

 

I made a post on facebook that basically said I feel a little sad and unsure about where im at w/ things, but i wish mark the best and I know he has moved on and I accept that. I said Im trying to focus on myself and healing.

 

The post was private from him, but this person shared it w/ him, wanting to discuss me! He was very upset, which is sort of unfair since the post was definitely one of acceptance and not ill-will.

 

He said he wanted to go no-contact and that he is with someone else and has moved on (as he's said before). I congratulated him again and said I knew that and said I would accept no-contact. He said he also wanted to unfriend on facebook and not go to the same coding events. I said okay to that too. Then he said he wanted to be good friends again in the future, just after no contact or unspecified time. He also said he still wants to watch my dog when I'm out of town.

 

It feels like rejection all over again. I cant help but feel he still loves me and this no-contact is more for his benefit?

 

it hurts so much. Does he just feel sorry for me?

 

So, I am honoring the no-contact and I will not be contacting him at all.

 

I am also waiting until March 1 and leaving my heart open to the possibility of him coming back, although I would never push for it. I just love him so much. Even if he weren't handsome etc. I know I'd love him just as much. So that's my story...

[MissCanuck]

What is the significance of waiting until March 1? It's a bad idea in any case, as you should not wait around for anyone, especially someone who was playing yo-yo with your heart.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting so much, but I think you will soon begin to realize that he is not who you thought he was. If he was on a dating site the next day after a break-up, then he was nowhere near as invested as you thought. He began checking out long before you two finally decided it was over.

 

He tried to keep you on hold for a month while he figured out what he wanted. Then another day. I would not believe for a moment he wasn't at least talking to another woman in that time. It might not be the same woman he's with now, but there are too many red flags that this guy is shady.

 

Also, you can go to whatever events you like - he does not get to dictate where you spend your time now. My guess? His girlfriend has no idea you even existed and he wants to avoid his two worlds colliding. He is also probably wanting to keep you away from her so you don't find out the complete truth either. Find another dog-sitter too. This man is not a good egg.

[WaitTilMarch]

We were together almost all the time. And the new gf knows about me because he still has some of our old photos still up on facebook. Actually, I wonder if the recent change of him wanting to cut contact completely is from her.

[MissCanuck]

OP, I lived with a man who cheated. Believe me when I say cheaters can always find the time and space to do so.

 

He might not have, but you certainly cannot rule it out either. Also, it is very easy to filter FB posts. What you see on his profile might be quite different from what she sees. It's a snap to choose who sees which photos and posts.

 

My point is that he is not a man you should bother with. Infidelity or not, it's not really the point. The point is that he chose to leave, and chose to start a relationship with someone else. Waiting for him for any length of time is a very bad idea.