Dumpee doing NC for 5 weeks, then vacationing together for her birthday?

[Likashots]

Hi everyone, I'm new to the site. My situation is a little different than most of what I read about and could really use some outside thoughts, opinions, advice, what have you.

 

So my ex broke up with me two weeks ago and we agreed to do NC. We have had no luck and every time we speak, we both discuss the relationship, where it went awry, she discusses reasons we shouldn't be together, I discuss reasons we should and it's just a constant back and forth.

 

She doesn't want to end the relationship but has stated it is something she must do and she cannot live with herself if she decided to stay with me. That being said she did say maybe in the future after she has had time to get over her qualms that we may have a future together.

 

Over the two weeks we ended up talking about a possible future together. I suggested that for her birthday ( July 20th ) we go to Orlando and stay for 4 days and just kind of spend some time together and celebrate. I said I'd pay for the hotel but I didn't plan on spending a ton of money while we were there since we are broken up, we'd mostly be hanging out at the resort, by the pool or in the room.

 

While discussing a future together again and she said she doesn't EVER seeing it happen. I told her well if that's the case there really is no reason for us to continue to communicate with each other and we should just cancel the Orlando trip. She said that we both already asked for the time off from work ( basically pushing for us to go. I mean it's 5 weeks out...) and said she'd pay for half the hotel room. I also said that if there was no future for us "ever" this is basically so she could sleep with me one last time and she said well yeah I mean that wouldn't be the only reason.

 

We booked the hotel for 4 days at the resort together on the phone Saturday and agreed to do no contact until the week of her birthday just to call and confirm that everything's still a go.

 

I told her I wasn't going to date or try to date anyone and she told me she wasn't going to try and pursue anybody but if something comes along for either one of us she's will entertain it and I should if something comes my way.

 

I'm 33 years old, a great looking guy, decent job.

 

She is 37, average looking, not the greatest job and has a lot of personality traits that other men wouldn't find desirable but I do for some reason. I'm the longest relationship she has ever had and she was sobbing when she said for now we have to break up and maybe someday down the road we can be together.

 

Notbeing negative or bashing her or berating her, I love this woman. I'm just trying to give you guys as much insight on the relationship as possible.

 

So, long question short.

 

Should I go to Orlando and entertain this little getaway to be with her one last time before we go NC again?

 

She said she didn't see us ever having a future together because of to many contributing factors involved but I don't really believe that and I don't think I'm nieve.

 

I will make another post that goes over the almost 2 years we were together, it's extremely long and drawn out but I would appreciate any volunteers to comment.

 

Thanks for the help! It is truly appreciated and much needed.

[Lostinlove31]

2 things: you need to elaborate on said traits that you said most guys wouldn't find desirable but you do...

 

Also this sounds like you are being used to a certain degree. You both are going to get away and she said there is no future together..if you think going away together will rekindle what you had you're mistaken. She even talked about potential of meeting others yet she will sleep with you...

[Doc Blaze]

Dont go......

[RonChalant]

Don't go...get your money back if you can and keep it moving. She just wants a discount vacation. The fact that she in 37 and has never had a relationship that last longer than 2 years is...concerning. As hard as it may be right now your best bet is to move on. What I can almost promise you is that she will be back eventually...might take a year or so, but she'll be back. At that point I promise you won't want her anymore. Not to discredit your relationship but it's only been 2 years...don't let her try to use you like she is currently doing.

[catfeeder]

I would make the trip with someone else.

[MissCanuck]

This is a terrible idea.

 

You know that. Don't go.

[Likashots]

2 things: you need to elaborate on said traits that you said most guys wouldn't find desirable but you do...

 

Also this sounds like you are being used to a certain degree. You both are going to get away and she said there is no future together..if you think going away together will rekindle what you had you're mistaken. She even talked about potential of meeting others yet she will sleep with you...

 

So she's 37 almost 38. She has a masters degree in Social Work and has chosen to step away from that field and works as a receptionist barely scraping by at $12 / hour, so she's not motivated or ambitious. She's also not a very outgoing, there's body issues, there's things she does that she hates about herself and she allows it to consume her. She's not very good at cleaning or managing her own life, just overall not a very high functioning individual. I wouldn't say I find any of the traits desirable but more so that i feel in love with this girl and I'm in love with her and regardless of all the issues that come along with that choice I've accepted her for who she is.

 

I'm not saint myself and I plan on going over the whole scenario from the time we met up until she decided she has to break up with me for now and "if it's meant to be we will get back together down the road.

 

I've though about that I was being used several times throughout our relationship and when she goes over everything that has happened it does to a certain degree validate why i continue to push for the relationship and push to taking care of loose ends the "I" created and she didn't fully agree to.

[Likashots]

Thank you for all the responses. She actually reached out to me today after we both agreed to NC on Saturday and my initial plan was not to talk to her at all, about some pointless thing that happened to her at work of some guy sexually harassing her. Lucky me my phone pocket dialed her while i was in Starbucks forcing my hand in having to send her a text to explain that it was a pocket dial. ( i initially wanted to wait 1 or 2 days to even reply to the text message.)

 

Then sure enough we ended up talking on the phone about the beginning of our relationship and her making somethings "clear" that maybe were a misconception when we first got together. I even asked her what's the point in going over all of this if we aren't together any more. Then prior to our break up she was going to set my roommate up with her girlfriend ( bear in mind my roommate and i live down in key-west, they live in the north part of Florida) so she feels the need to use my as the middle man to set my roommate up with this girl so they can start talking. I wanted to tell her to just contact my roommate through Facebook and leave me out of it which i'm probably going to do the next time i talk to her because i don't want to talk to her on my roommates behalf if we're supposed to be doing NC. It's almost like she's finding reasons or excuses to still be in contact.

[nsolo]

"So my ex broke up with me two weeks ago and we agreed to do NC. We have had no luck and every time we speak, we both discuss the relationship, where it went awry, she discusses reasons we shouldn't be together, I discuss reasons we should and it's just a constant back and forth."

 

I have the feeling that you're initiating contact, and you're acting needy, which is why she's gone from, "Maybe in the future..." to "Definitely not," basically. If you could actually step up to the plate, cancel the trip, and go no contact by simply ignoring her texts for a while (a month or two), you'd either find a better woman, or y'all would end up back together because she realizes you actually have balls, in my opinion.

 

Furthermore, where's the respect for you here? She wants to use you and then toss you to the side like trash afterward, all the while knowing that you want her. Dispicable—I would not spend a second of sexual time with a woman who didn't want me while I had feelings for her.

[Likashots]

Actually the contact has been equal on both sides. She doesn't want to lose our relationship or what we had, although there are extenuating circumstances that are preventing her from continuing to move forward. She has even apologized on numerous occasions during those 2 weeks, saying she can't help herself but feel the need to contact me. I left the military not on my own accord and the reason for me leaving is why she chose to end the relationship. The military was the glue holding the relationship together is what she said. We were literally 1 month of having her move down to the Keys and moving back in together, and we were planning on getting married / kids the whole gammit. So it's a really huge hit for both parties involved. I'll go over the whole relationship in more detail tonight or tomorrow. There's so many intricacies into the entirety of it all.

[MissCanuck]

I left the military not on my own accord and the reason for me leaving is why she chose to end the relationship.

 

What does this mean?