Need a little advice.

[ZeddsDed]

Hello all, I haven't been on here in a while and some may know my situation but I'l give a quick recap. Basically, I met my partner 5 years ago. Things were amazing up until we had our 2 children. He lost his job, I became stressed and things just went downhill. I lost all my savings, was tired of holding all of the financial burden on my own shoulders and him blowing our money and not putting in the effort to get a permanent job.

He became emotionally abusive and on occasions would be physical too. I moved to my mother's last August and ended it after talking with friends and people on here.

I worked with the women's shelter and stayed there while I was afraid he was going to come looking for me. I applied for financial help, community housing etc... all of which turned out to be a dead end. All the while, my partner messaged me all day and night, crying and begging to be back in our lives.

After waiting months, being homeless and having nowhere to turn, nowhere would rent a home to me in my financial situation, he presented me with an offer, he would provide me enough money to get into our own home rental. If I gave him another chance.

In desperation I agreed. I didn't know what else to do.

 

Now, I work full time. He has no job. He never sought out medical help like he promised, he never attended the counselling he promised and says he cannot find work to help with the finances.

If I try to discuss our issues, he refuses to listen, turns his back and gets nasty towards me. Twice iv tried it has turned into an argument. I desperately don't want our kids around that, so iv given up trying to talk. I work all day, come home and take care of our children, home and everything else. While he complains that the children are hard work.

 

Iv asked him to leave, he refuses. Since he is on the lease, I can't legally kick him out. If I could, I would pack my bags and leave.. I have nowhere to go and I can't imagine me saving up 3k + anytime soon, while having to pay for everything on my own.

 

Is there anything I can do? Any advice? I'm tired of feeling resentment, I'm tired of the ill feelings between us and I'm tired of not being able to get ahead and be free.

[glitterfingers]

Well, to be fair, children are hard work. But the rest of it is just a terrible situation to be in. However, so long as he's not being abusive right now, it sounds like you don't really have any option but to stay and find a way to make this situation liveable despite the misery. Just until you're in a position where you can financially separate from him and have somewhere to go where you and your children are safe and have your basic needs met. I'm really sorry that you're in this situation, but then again it sounds like it may be better than the alternative which could potentially leave you destitute and which you obviously want to avoid at all costs.

 

Since you have a full time job now, it seems that you would be able to get a place of your own within the foreseeable future (3-6 months). What would you do about the children then? Would your mother be able to help with childcare while you work?

 

This situation won't resolve overnight but you can start putting plans in place now that will benefit you within the next 6-12 months, and knowing that you have an escape route (which you should NOT communicate to your partner) should ease the burden at least a little. When we cannot physically escape, we have to find ways to mentally and emotionally do so... so plan your way out.

 

Good luck

[Prettypamelapa]

Reach out to strangers and use a gofundme to raise the money you need to leave...ask a close family member or friend to help raise funds..i made the mistake of staying and it put me in the hospital unconscious after he shoved me and i tripped and hit my head on a counter.. I lost my children for a year and it was something i could have prevented if i reached out and got the finances to leave..also go to your local court house and ask about services.. My local courthouse offers financial help and moving fees and day care if theres a restraining order filed..also call abuse hotlines.. Make it a life or death situation..because IT IS!! Weather u realize it or not..domestic violence is the worst and most dangerous situation women and children are exposed to in the country.. I urge you to fight for your life and the lives of your children before its too late

[Fun Boater 1]

He became emotionally abusive and on occasions would be physical too.

 

You have options. If he is abusive, then do not hesitate to contact law enforcement. It doesn't matter if he is "on the lease". That does not give him the right to emotionally and physically abuse you. I appreciate that you feel "stuck" right now. Is there any way you can move back in with your Mother again? Unfortunately, you are always going to have some kind of relationship with this guy due to your kids. The sooner you can seperate from him and put in place some kind of custody arrangement the better! Again, contact the authorities if he ever lays his hands on you. You can always get an order of protection against thim, lease or no lease. Put your healthy, safety, and welfare, and that of your kids, FIRST! This guy is a total loser!

 

Curious - Why doesn't he have a job? Does he just refuse to get one? Start harboring your own money and start saving for getting out from under the same roof as him!