Crushed, rejected and heartbroken please help

[crushed_rejected]

I am writing this in a total state of shock, confusion and heartbreak. In Jan myself and my boyf decided to take a break in our 2 yr relationship due to fighting we said we wud give each other some time and space. During this break however we were in contact and soon realised how much we missed each other. After 3 wks he was with some girl(kissed her) but told me it meant nothing and that he loved me with all his heart, (he called around to my place, we cried together and one thing lead to another!!)after that we made no contact for 5 wks(he was giving me space to deal) until he sent a txt saying he would love to meet up with me. We were in contact then and on the 20th of april he made a surprise visit to my house, the look in his eyes was love and we had an amazing night together, he said he missed me so much and looked my straight in the eyes and told me he loved me. He said he wanted so much to get back together, but felt that some more time would be better, he was afraid if we got back to soon that we would fall back into fighting, he said he would get himself sorted (some personal issues and s*x issues) so we said we would get back together after the summer. But on tues nite we talked on the phone and he said that he loved me but wasnt in love with me, that he felt the relationship had run it course and it didnt bother him if he never say me again and that he didnt care about all the plans we had made(we had our babies names picked out, where we would live,planned to travel auz2gether) I asked when he fell out of love with me and he said around Jan!!! None of it makes sense, if you were not in love with someone and didnt care if you never saw them why would you txt, ring and do surprise visits!!!!I am completely shocked and confused. Only 6days before the phone call he txted saying he loved me and all he wanted was for us to be back to the way we were and he knew we would be. He was always so so so loving during our 2 yrs, yeah we had our fair share of problems but who doesnt. I dont know wat to do, i havent eating in 3 days, im shaking and crying and heartbroken.

Please if anyone has any bit of advice no matter how small please pass it on, Please i dont know what to do.

[cenkbut]

I felt so bad for you as I had a similar divorce with my wife of 6 years. We were deeply in love and one day she told me that she loves me but not in love anymore and she was seeing someone.

 

I tried every possible thing to get her back found a forum like this one where only people like us trying to win back their lost ones but I'm afraid the percent is so smaller than you can imagine. The first few weeks is so painful that you might want to die sometimes but it fades and yes you have a chance to win him back but this can be only done by improving yourself and acting strong around him and if you can make him jealous or anxious by your behaviours, he may fall in love with you again. I know every single that can be done, even managed to help 2 men to win their wifes back and they did. So I dont want to goto in detail here but if you want advice PM me. But there is a short but important saying: "The only person you can control in the world is yourself. you cannot control others but you can make them react to your actions"

 

Take care of yourself as you're the most important person in your life

[chai714]

Your boyfriend knew in January (when you two decided to take a break) that he wouldn't be back. Normally, when people decide to "take a break" from their relationship, it's over. It doesn't have to be over, but during "that break" usually the two people involved don't know how to fix what went wrong, so the relationship goes down the tubes.

 

When your boyfriend continued to tell you he loved you after the breakup and after he kissed the other girl, it should have been more clear that he wouldn't be back. This is why words can be confusing. Actions say so much more, without a single word spoken.

 

I recommend NC him for a while. He doesn't seem to care about how you feel since he admittedly lied to you since January. It's hard going through breakups, but believe it or not, we all live through them and become stronger, wiser individuals. You will too.

[Badbuffyboo]

I had a B/F who did the same.

We lived together and one day he told me he was going on a course..... he disappeared for a week ( the worse thing was, that he is an unstable diabetic and I didn't know whether he was alive or dead) he arrived back clutching a bottle of Lucozade saying he needed time to sort himself out.

He called over, phoned, emailed and text me for months telling me he loved me and wanted me to wait for him to make his mind up.

Several months of mental torture drove me mad. Someone put it in perspective tho....he was only calling cos he felt guilty.....he knew he was never coming back..he just wanted me as his safety net.....and he felt guilt because of it. 3 and a half years later he still rings when he is ill ( last call was Wednesday) but I keep it brief, make sure he is recovering and then leave him to it.

I have moved on with my life.......have a guy that is honest, sometimes brutally, but I know where I stand with him.

It's all partof life's rich tapestry. It's not easy but you'll be a stronger person afterwards.

Honestly!

[justsweetgirl]

I am so sorry for your pain. Your bf sounds very confused. I agree that the best thing would be no contact. You have no idea if he is still talking to this other girl. Or if he has worked out his personal problems - although my guess would be no. Someone this inconsistent is not good for you. He has to get his act together or he'll keep doing this to you. How many times can you go through this? He says he knew since January that he was no longer in love with you, yet he didn't think it was important enough to let you know. You are not the problem. And you can't solve his. I wish you the best.

[crushed_rejected]

Hey just replying to what Chai714 said - You said once you decide to take a break you know its over, no we didnt - all we ever spoke about was getting back together and all the things we would do when we did!!You also said actions say so much more than words, this i agree with, so when he decided to arrive at my door and surprise me that told me he was thinking of me and wanted to be with me, he looked at me with such love in his eyes and held me like he would never let go and thank god i have her!!! So its these actions of his, followed by his cruel words a week later that are driving me totally mad!!! I truly dont believe he fell out of love with me in Jan, i really dont know whats happened to him.

[chai714]

Hey just replying to what Chai714 said - You said once you decide to take a break you know its over, no we didnt - all we ever spoke about was getting back together and all the things we would do when we did!!

 

I'm not saying YOU knew, I'm saying that taking a break often evolves into officially breaking up. Breakups are never easy and I know that for a fact. But he was seeing another female and telling you he wanted to get back with you, when in fact, his actions did not support his words, so what does that tell you about him?

 

I don't know him and am not judging him, but he hasn't been honest with you. Honesty is the single most important element in a relationship. Life would be so much easier with someone who was honest with you.

[Badbuffyboo]

To Crushed_rejected.

Your name says it all.......

Deep down you must know that it 's all over. Some men just can't face the truth and will tell you what they think you want to hear.

You talk of his eyes, when he came top see you....... If he still cares for you, yes he's going to look pleased and if he's after a little affection, he's hardly going to call by and say that he's not missed you.

It's hard but you have to accept it.