Lack of sex in relationship making me feel rejected

[jakks4569]

Hi there! So this is my first post, and it might be somewhat long but I'm grateful to anyone who answers. My boyfriend and I are in college together and we've been dating for over two years. When we first started dating our sex life was amazing. We would have sex almost every night and it was great. Over the past year of us dating our sex life has pretty much died off completely ( we've had sex five times so far this year, as opposed to upwards of probably close to 80 times last year). I love him very much and I want to be able to be intimate with him. It's gotten to the point where whenever I want to have sex with him or i'm feeling turned on in general I start feeling guilty. I've expressed to him that his lack of intimacy with me has even made me doubt my own attractiveness, and he apologized. I totally get if he doesn't want to have sex with me on any occasion when I ask, but i'd expect him to make the move next time, when he wants me.. and he never follows up. I just keep feeling rejected, and I recently told him i'm going to stop trying and that id like him to make a move when he's sure he wants me. Last night, we were in his car at a drive in movie and he was all over me and kissing me, and while he was doing this I almost felt like he was pitying me since I had been talking about a lack of intimacy for so long, and my advances were being repeatedly rejected. I genuinely was questioning if he wanted me, when It was clear that he did. I guess my question is, after a lack of intimacy ( and expressing to my partner that this lack has been affecting me) , how do I stop feeling like my partner is just pitying me when he tries to engage in intimacy with me? Thank you so much, and any other advice is welcome! -Jaclyn

[Likejanis]

I have felt exactly what you have felt word by word... my ex didn't have sex with me for 7 months and 3 years later told me the reason he was having issues with his mom and he plainly couldn't do it...

 

I felt horrible, I cried my eyes out, my self-steem was non existant and the advice I can give to you today is to work on your selfsteem on your own, it hurts to sleep next to the person you love and not have intimacy but hey!, he doesn't define your self worth, and sometimes taking the weight off what is happening and you just are your wonderful you, the one he fell for..

 

For men sex can be a fragile topic, he might have thngs he doesn't feel confortable talking about yet and perhaphs he wants to but can't, it is hard to be comprehensive but for me it helped to read about it online, "when men don't feel or iniciate sex" there are faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar more many factors and some have nothing to do with you..

 

So think about what YOU can do from your side to raise your self esteem on your own and take the weight off it also think of quality sex and all the other dimensions of your partner, you might end up with a lesser quantity but a stronger, more special, natural, fullfilling bond.

[Jeetsun]

I think you should have a more direct communication regarding how you're feeling with the lack of sex/intimacy with your bf. This area if unfulfilled is a big deal breaker for many. You have to ask yourself if it is or isn't for you. To me it sounds like it will be for you because it's already leading to feelings of unattraction, insecurity and guilt on your end. If your bf continues to neglect this area of the relationship, its going to make you feel consistently worse as time goes on. You two may not be sexually compatible or there might be some other things going on with your bf which I could only speculate on.

[boxingguy]

Put me to sleep, Jaclyn. Zzzz.

 

How about you just ask him if he's pitying you. I doubt it. He probably wanted you badly. Even if it was pity with the initial kiss, everything that followed is legit. High probability I'm right.

 

When the testosterone comes rushing, it's hard to stop.

 

Be happy, and dial back the unintended insecurity. If he didn't mean to make you feel like that, then if you keep letting it affect you, you bet he will notice. Turns him off.