For the boys..Do you string us along?

[greenie35]

Hey there gentlemen...quick question for you...

 

We would probably all agree that flirting is fun for everyone, but do you ever flirt with girls you're not interested in just to get a rise out them? IF so, assuming you weren't interested in pursuing anything with them, would you continue to flirt with the same girl just to boost your ego/self-esttem. Let's say that you are pretty sure the girl is into you.

[melrich]

No I don't/wouldn't. I think it is very hard to flirt with someone unless you are into them. I mean you'd have to be a good actor and I think the other person would see through you.

[MetallicAguy]

Nah, it's pretty mean. I wouldn't ever do it just because I hate it when women do it to me.

[greenie35]

Thanks for the quick replies...keep em coming...and be honest...not that you guys weren't...

 

I'm asking because this guy keeps checking me out, but never makes any attempt at talking to me...I'm old fashioned and shy and I'm waiting for him to approach me, but nothing...these are the .. come hither..i want you eyes...extended glances.. ..they had kind of died down lately because we have been working apart from one another, but today he made a point to watch me walk in the room and as I walking out he stared for some time--he wanted me to see him staring...our eyes locked...ahhhh...i can't get it out of my head...he doesnt smile though, just stares...it is so sexy I just want to go curl up in my bed and relish in the feeling.

[Lily04]

wow, I thought there would be some immediate "yes" answers... that's pretty decent. I think I may accidently flirt with guys, but it's not because I'm trying to lead them on or because I'm doing it to stroke my ego, just because I'm a friendly person and I suppose try to be charismatic at times because it's fun. =) This is probably the case for guys as well -- if guys are naturally extrovertive & friendly, they'll probably unintentionally flirt with girls, while the girls may think they're interested. This has happened to me before, unfortunately.

 

edit: also the guy may be interested in you greenie, I would try to chat him up!

[greenie35]

Men are often a bit more obvious then women are when it comes to flirting I think. (Did I just answer my own question?) I used to have guys ask me out all the time and I was more interested in just being friends. I often felt I was sending the wrong impression, but that is just my personality. I wouldnt hit on them or touch them a lot or anything like that. I naturally get a long better with guys..I grew up in a house full of boys and all their guy friends.

[Lily04]

well it doesn't hurt to talk to him...just sit next to him one day & ask him about the class, find out what type of person he is and if you two are compatible. That's always the first step... then you can find out if you're interested in him as well.

[here2understand2]

well i'd say tht i do flirt with someone i'm not interested in but not all the time..most of the time it'd be someone i'd want to ask out in the future, i think there's nothin wrong in harmless flirtation till it doesnt lead the other person on for too long..

looks like greeni35 u've got a 'shy guy' interested in u as well..he probably fears rejection nd so is waitin nd watchin and who knows..he might miss the boat and u might lose interest..but if u du wanna go out with this guy..why dont u say a frndly smiley 'hi' the next time u pass him by? sure will help him kno u r interested nd he might take tht first step!

or u kno wat..u culd jus go ahead nd initiate a frndly conversation bout something common(a course or something) nd he might take the hint!

[greenie35]

We actually work together. I've said hi to him before... it was after a day of fighting with my now ex boyfriend. My eyes were puffy from crying and we had been drinking the night before so I wasn't feeling all that great. Regardless it was a sincere and sweet sheepish hello. His hello back warmed me up inside, energized me. I've tried before to talk to him...i just clam up...it's no use. I've tried talking myself into it before and it never pans out. I know he has a girlfriend, so this may be why he's not making any moves. I wouldn't mind talking to him...I just get soooooo freakin nervous. Never in my life have my nerves harnessed so much control over my actions. Ive plastered this story all over these boards. I know he has been contemplating leaving his current gf. I hear things from people at work.

[Spirits Away]

We don't, but we tend to still hang around just so that they know they're not being rejected. During hanging out, we WON'T respond to the girl's flirts. We will probably even act cold. If you're in this situation, try to get the hint early on & distance your heart immediately

[MetallicAguy]

Oh, greenie, believe me if a shy guy even stares at you with one of those looks, he will probably be attached for a while. Shy Guys can be attached for a very long time. Especially if they haven't had a gf. So just let him take his time to talk to you, he'll eventually think of something. If he doesn't you make a move, I'm sure he'll be happy you did .

[Lily04]

Spirit's Away gave excellent advice... if he's cold, then don't bother. Being the persistent person I am I actually kept at it & ended up heartbroken...

[Spirits Away]

Yes Lily04, it's horrible. Even for the guy. It often gets to a point where they're waiting for you to make the initial action but you don't, knowing that if you do, you'll be leading her on and if you don't, there is a person still hoping and hurting.

 

It's even worse when you're obligated to meet them face to face. Kept getting flirted by and you keep on trying to send rejection signal, and they ask you why have your attitude changed? How do you expect the guy to answer it?

 

if u can think of a good way other than for the guy to become cold, give your opinion in how it should be done.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

Nope. As a former poster said, its hard to flirt with someone you don't actually like.

[someguy69]

Guys flirting... how about girls flirting?

 

I know for a fact that girls flirt to get special treatment.

 

A smile, a wink, a tilt of the head... maybe even giving a fake phone number can gain a woman all sorts of special advantages.

[Lily04]

Ok I guess being cold is a good way to go about it... I wasn't saying it wasn't effective, just that the receiver can get hurt in the process. Except one time I was almost able to reverse it... like there was this one guy I had great initial chemistry with. Then he just started flat-out ignoring me. After repeated efforts of ignoring, I sent him an e-mail somewhat tongue-in-cheek saying sorry if I offended him or something, but basically it was great getting to know him, and thanks for the advice he offered before.

 

THEN after that he was all friendly & flirty, but meanwhile I decided I wasn't interested and instead acted cold to him!

 

I haven't seen him for a few months but the last time I saw him we bumped into each other in the library and we were close to each other but completely avoided each other. -- awkward. ---

 

But whatever. I'm not sure it's the best way of going about it; talking in a disinterested way might have been better; i.e. just being friendly but mentioning your gf perhaps in the conversation if you're not available & interested...

[Spirits Away]

no no, i'm just saying that i think being cold is not the best way and that i want advice on a better way. You've answered me.

[rodrigo]

Well, the world would surely be a better place if both sexes stopped playing games BEFORE getting together.

 

If not playing games, then the guy is probably very shy, and trust MetallicAguy on what he says about it.

 

You're shy here, he's shy there, not much of a plan, is it? Then go for it. You don't need to throw yourself over him. Sometimes, showing him the palm of your hand at a distance (like saying "hi", but please don't wave! You'd look like a child). Or maybe you can do something by getting serious (well, inside you're shaking, ok) and standing in front of the guy "by chance" and saying "Hey, I've seen you around for a while. Do you work here too?", in an interesting manner, and starting a very simple conversation, as if he was anybody else (another girl, for instance).

 

I don't really know, I've never wanted to flirt with a guy

[greenie35]

We've worked in teh same building for 6 months now. This eye contact thing has been going on for about 5 months. I am pretty sure someone told him that I am interested. I have told a couple people about my feelings and asked about him. At this point his eye contact is so strong that he might as well be walking around naked with a sign around his neck that says "I'm yours." If only I was a twentieth-century woman. I just think if it's gonna happen he needs to approach me.

[Lily04]

5 months now? wow... just go up to him and ask him what's up, you've noticed him around, what department he works in, how he likes it, etc...

 

If you guys can't even carry a conversation then there's no point in the attraction anyway.

 

And being a shy guy, he might not approach you. So you'll have to take the first step. One of my best friends has been dating her boyfriend for over a year, and he's extremely shy. When she first was interested in him, she had to make the first steps because she said that he never would have done it. She was his first girlfriend as well, so he didn't really know how to go about things all that well. However, if she never made the first move by talking to him, they wouldn't be together today!

 

So it's up to you... if you don't at least say hello, then nothing might actually come out of this.

[here2understand2]

well here's a thot, if u do want to talk to this guy so bad, why dont u throw a party/social or something and then invite everybody including him! it might give u a chance 2 talk 2 him about something nd u would have actually somthin 2 talk bout!..if things go well in the conversation, maybe u culd ask him for some opinion bout organizing the event or even mayb ask for his help(coz u so obviously wuld luv his taste! if u want 2 get him 2 kno u r interested!LOL! kno wat i mean?)..do sumthin together thts outta the office nvironment but still keeps urs nd his focus on sumthing external..sumthing thts happening around!..hope this helps!

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

Flirting has no be natural, and flirting with someone you don't like looks and feels awkward. Its like watching Bob Saget tell a joke...it looks that bad.....

[ves]

We've worked in teh same building for 6 months now. This eye contact thing has been going on for about 5 months. I am pretty sure someone told him that I am interested. I have told a couple people about my feelings and asked about him. At this point his eye contact is so strong that he might as well be walking around naked with a sign around his neck that says "I'm yours." If only I was a twentieth-century woman. I just think if it's gonna happen he needs to approach me.

Looking at people can get such a strong emotional reaction. Whenever my crush and I's eyes meet, I could practically melt into a puddle like in Amelie. Some people's gazes can be so disarming. There must be a kindred spirit or underground lust happening here if he can make you super nervous like that.

 

I tend to be a big fan of slow burn romances. Situations almost always change. There is hope yet. Good luck greenie!

 

The topic at hand... The question is, when people are flirting, is there actual intent behind it, or is it flirting for flirting's sake? Some people are natural flirts and get a charge out of it. Others save it for those who they actually like. And then there are teases. The only way to gauge is by seeing that person interact with other people.

[greenie35]

hah...i had a thought. Anyone seen the movie Cocoon? That guy and the alien chick are in the pool and their gonna do it "alien style" and they bounce those beams of sexual energy off each other...

 

it's like that, w/out all the cool special effects.

[gersanos]

Yes, I do. I have always looked at it as innocent fun or just being flirtatious or friendly, but it is something that I know that I need to work on to an extent. I love talking and I love flirting, but that doesn't mean that I will act on any impulses, if there are any, or ask for a number.

 

My best friend, who is a girl, tells me that by doing this I lead girls on like no other because I can spark a girl emotionally into thinking that she has a chance with me, even though I am not interested in her, and I would have to agree with her. Not something that I do intentionally, or think through before I do it. If a conversation gets started up, then it just happens. And if it's in a big social setting that this is happening in, then I move onto whatever is the next thing going on or talk with someone else, but the girl keeps making her way over into talking with me, and I wonder why does she keep coming back. Almost as if I have already gotten off just by the conversation, and I have moved on because I got her. I don't need to pursue her for sex or anything romantic. Most of my guy friends disagree with me, they try to "close the deal," but I have already gotten my "fix" per say.

 

I've done this some many times before I realized that this is all my own doing. I charm her, then wonder why does she keep coming back to me, and wonder why 75% of the time the girl asks me for my number. Sometimes we talk and attraction grows for me as she chases me, but usually it doesn't.

 

I wonder if this really makes me a jerk. I am a social person, and even if I meet some guy, and no I'm not gay, I'll still lay on charm and try to be smooth. I can lay on charm without anything romantic being involved, and it can be my neighbor, a kid, a guy, girl, etc. I don't always do it, but I guess it's just part of my personality. I've been called by many as the charismatic politician. But I've also been called plenty of names by girls before (example: "you're a piece of ****, you just know what to tell girls") as I start up this whole fiasco, she then chases me, but I don't reciprocate, and I'm being called names even though I didn't attempt to kiss her or make a move, or imply anything physical with her. It's obvious that she feels led on or hurt, but I'm left thinking, "wait, I didn't do anything wrong here; am I a jerk?" And when I think "wrong" I mean by actions: didn't try to get a number, or make a move on her, or hang around her all evening, etc. Maybe I just justify and manipulate some of my actions and words into believing that I am not wrong?

 

Charm is a very powerful asset when it comes to all facets of life, but sometimes I truly wonder if it brings on some of the troubles that I've encountered, particularly with women.