Need some advice on what to do

[RyanC6575]

I'm sorry this is long but I really need some advice so if you have time please read. Thank you!

 

So me and my ex broke up a little over two weeks ago. We had a big fight at a party where she slapped me and in return I threw a drink in her face. We were both very drunk and it was just bad all around. I apologized a million times and she refused to apologize because she said I should have been a man and walked away after she slapped me and that me throwing a drink at her is abusing her. She broke up with me a couple days later. Throughout the last 6 months she would break up with me pretty much every other day and I would always be the one to fix the situation and get us back together and apologize or do whatever it took to calm her down. It definitely seemed like she enjoyed having that type of power because any little thing that went wrong she would threaten a break up. Anyway she broke up with me for good a little over two weeks ago. For the first 3 days I begged and pleaded and told her things would be different and how sorry I was and she just would either not answer me or a couple times she answered and screamed at me and told me I should go kill myself. That was the Sunday after the break up. Then I stopped answering her. Monday she sent me a long message apologizing for what she said to me because it had been weighing on her mind and she told me she's sorry this didn't work out and she's so grateful to have met me. I didn't answer. Then Wednesday she sent me a bunch of texts just going back to yelling at me for ignoring​ her. I got her tickets for her birthday to a concert that is next week and in between her yelling at me she sprinkled in a few "we could have gone to the concert together" so I don't answer her that night but I answer her the next day and tell her I just wanted time to clear my mind and sorry I didn't get back to her right away. I called her and in the beginning it was her just screaming at me for about 20 minutes. I sat there silently but let her know I was listening once she was done screaming, I explained to her that I would like to start over and fix things and told her what my game plan for the future is. In the beginning I couldn't say more than three words without her taking those three words and assuming the rest and her screaming at me some more. Eventually I told her she needs to let me finish the sentence before she responds or else she's not even going to know what I'm trying to say. By the end of the conversation we were both calm. She still told me she didn't want to get back together but she was acting different like almost awkward or like shocked/taken back by how I was acting. She eventually says "ok I'll just say it I love you" I asked her why she said that and she said because I can love you but not be in the love with you. I told her I can't say it back because it means two different things to us. Then after that it seemed like she didn't want to get off the phone. I told her to go enjoy her night but she was acting weird. A lot of "alright well good luck with everything" but never actually saying bye until I told her I had to go. Then comes Saturday. She calls me drunk at 430 am and starts calling me babe and telling me she loves me and misses me. She starts talking sexual and using inside jokes and everything. We talked for two hours and she asked me to fall asleep with her on the phone because she gets nightmares without me (this happened through our whole relationship when she wasn't sleeping next to me) so I fall asleep with her and the next morning she tells me she dreamt about me and I ask her if she remembered everything she said the night before and she says of course. So the day is going good we're texting a few times here and there but I felt good. Then around 1 am a switch flips and she gets angry again. Tells me she didn't mean any of those things that she was wasted and had a moment of weakness and we will never be together and that I mean nothing to her. She "fake" blocks my number (whenever I sent a text she copy and pasted a blocked reply) I go back into full panic mode and start begging again for 2 days. I beg her to meet up and she finally agrees. On Tuesday we met and she told me she wasn't going to be nice because she didn't even want to be there. For the first hour of the Meetup it's just her bashing me for everything she hated about me and things I did. I apologized and told her I didn't mean to make her feel like that but she said it doesn't matter how I meant to make her feel because that's how she felt and that I am wrong. After about an hour of her doing that at the bar I bring up one of the things she did wrong which was get an ex hookups number at a bar and then lie to me about it. She flips out and leaves the bar. She calls me a few minutes later because I didn't follow her. She comes back and gives me $20 for the drinks and then leaves again. Calls me 5 minutes later because I didn't follow her again and instead went to a different bar alone. She calls me and tells me she wants her $20 back and I need to come give it to her. I told her I'm not leaving so she comes to the bar to get it. About 2 hours later I call her and we meet up again. We go to the bar get drunk and this time when she's drunk she still basically hates me and tells me she feels nothing for me. We get an Uber back to her house and eventually after a little talking she cuddles with me and we fall asleep. In the morning I wake her up and ask her if she wants me to leave she says no and pulls my arm around her to cuddle. Eventually when she fully wakes up an hour or two later she flips out again and tells me to leave. I leave and we text a little bit. I tell her I will accept the break up and move on. I tell her I appreciate all the great memories and love her so much and good luck with everything and I hope she finds happiness. She replied with a few sentences something like you too good luck with everything I know youll be fine stay strong. That was the last texting between us which was last Wednesday. Friday she calls me drunk again crying telling me how broken she feels inside and asking me to come pick her up at her house. I tell her no and she needs to stop calling me when drunk and to go to sleep. She gets pissed and hangs up on me. Saturday she posts a picture of her in an outfit I definitely know was aimed at me because I basically picked the outfit and she knows it's one of my favorites. (Normally I would have a reaction to this but this time I didn't) then on Sunday she posts a second picture of the same outfit but laying on some random persons couch. I've never seen the couch so have no idea who's it is. If my judgement is correct then that was part of her plan. Again I don't react to it. (A common theme through this whole break up is she's just adding a ton of guys on social media. Especially when she doesn't get a reaction from me.) So she adds some more guys and then Monday she posts a ton of stuff on Twitter about men vs boys. Again no reaction. Then Monday night she posts a picture that I took of her on my birthday in my favorite dress that she wore for my birthday and then tags the place we were at. No reaction. Then she posts a picture of the restaurant we went to eat the next morning and tags that place. Again no reaction. So now yesterday (Tuesday) she starts posting on Twitter "I got ed over and you're doing just fine" "when you think about giving them another chance but remember how fake them and their friends are" with a disgusted face meme picture thing she starts retweeting relationship things and posts "the hottest love has the coldest end" "my nightmares have gotten worse" again I didn't respond but she was up til like 6 am posting and then posted the picture I took of her on my birthday AGAIN so it's at like the top of her feed.

 

So I know some of you will say why would you want this girl back don't take her back and all that. Truth is I love her and met her at a very hard time in her life (a close family member died 2 weeks before we met and I was basically there for her every step of the way) I knew what I was getting myself into but I didn't care because I love her. So my questions are...she is obviously missing me right? Is she regretting her decision? She was always very stubborn and feared rejection are the things she's posting a way of her telling me she wants to talk without having to say it and get rejected? Should I break no contact? Should I wait til she finally contacts me? Should I answer? Or is there a possibility where if she thinks I've moved on she won't even bother contacting me and will move on herself? Any help or advice is much appreciated.

[melancholy123]

Can you please divide up that huge wall of text into smaller paragraphs?

[rosephase]

She is abusive. Hitting you, telling you to kill yourself and screaming at you on the phone IS ABUSE.

 

Really think about it. Do you want to commit to that abuse? Because you can't be with her and not with the abuse. Being with her means you'll be fighting, dealing with break-ups and dealing with physical and phycological harm. I would suggest you seek therapy to figure out why you feel that this is a relationship you desire.

 

Also keep in mind that she is capable of inducing violence in you.

 

There are healthy people in the world for you to be in a relationship with. People who would treat you with respect. People who would approach conflict with a level head and desire to work through it productively. Why are you clinging to someone who hurts you, often and on purpose?

[reinventmyself]

This isn't love . . this is full tilt, intense drama.

There is a difference.

[SooSad33]

Throughout the last 6 months she would break up with me pretty much every other day and I would always be the one to fix the situation and get us back together and apologize or do whatever it took to calm her down.

- Firstt of all, this is wrong.... Why is is always YOU trying to fix things?

Why does she keep breaking up?

 

She is a HUGE control, mentally & emotionally draining one, this one.

 

And then to 'blame you' for her reason to slap you...? Yes, you threw the drink after she HIT YOU. So, in my eyes, she was the one to abuse you, first. She is not so innocent in any of this! IMO.

 

Like I said.. she is Controlling! This is not a true, genuine relationship. She's got you wrapped around her lil finger

 

I called her and in the beginning it was her just screaming at me for about 20 minutes. I sat there silently but let her know I was listening once she was done screaming, I explained to her that I would like to start over and fix things and told her what my game plan for the future is.

- Umm.. No.

So she's allowed to scream at you? and you'd want to continue a relationship with this? WHY?

 

YOU are being abused by all she's doing to you. *sigh*.

 

For the first hour of the Meetup it's just her bashing me for everything she hated about me and things I did. I apologized and told her I didn't mean to make her feel like that but she said it doesn't matter how I meant to make her feel because that's how she felt and that I am wrong

- Evverything she 'hates' about you? Wow.. how loving

And YOU need to STOP appologizing.. to HER belittling & control tactics.

And.. how YOU are wrong.... really? ( Again it's manipulation).

SHE is disturbed and will run you to the ground!

 

 

 

ALL of this crap- is manipulation and very immature. YOU need to see this!

 

I am going to ask.. How old are you two?

 

You may 'love her', and Im not sure how... but this is not 'love' from her.. Im sorry.

 

Does she miss you? Does she regret her decisions? And all SHE has done to you? I'd say NO.

People like this are Master manipulators ( read all you wrote here). And they 'play' the one being hurt. They cry about how bad they've had it. And it's everyone else's fault!

 

Do NOT break No contact.

Keep going.. as you are. And be stronger in this. She is playing you.. to a sucker, sorry to say.

 

Play no more games with this dangerous, messed up girl! It's a Game.. It's just a game. This is Not Love...

 

Love is when someone shows you how special you are to them, you are compatible and HAPPY.

I know you're not happy with this. No one could be!

 

And let me remind you.. she'll keep after you for a while more. To see IF you'll react. That's her game. To see all she can do. And IF you reply or go after her.. in her game, she'll see she has YOU IN CONTROL and will keep doing this.

 

I am sorry.. She is TOXIC!

 

YOU have to walk.. and keep walking.

Get yourself back to good. Which will take a while. ( lean on family and stick with your friends). Just not her.