Trying to lose virginity but the pain is unbearable !!

[mustlovedogs]

Yes there are rules just like in any other country. We too have the Hippocratic Oath.

 

Maybe my gynecologist won't gossip; I still feel uncomfortable having this whole problem dealt with someone that knows me..I was talking about gossip in general. It is very frequent among medical staff about eath other more so than about patients.

 

I'll have to go somewhere far to deal with this haha.

 

Thanks..

 

So what does the Hippocratic Oath say?

 

If ANYONE asked you about the surgery, you could get the gyno fired.

 

Your boring little hymen surgery is not worth her career.

 

ETA: I'm saying boring bc this should be routine and unexciting for her. I'm not at all saying this is a boring topic for you.

[Rezie]

As a healthcare professional I have to say I'm very confused. Confidenciality is not a code of ethics. It's the law. If a gyno would gossip forward or someone who didn't work on the case would read patient files (you are entitled to get a list of people who read your files) they would get fired and lose their medical license.

 

That being said. Usually places have significant amount of different private and public hospital/health care offices. So can't you find one where they don't know you? Or maybe in the neighbouring town? If you live in a university town then they are usually bigger than few thousand people so not everyone knows everyone.

 

So sex before marriage is frowned upon there. I'm assuming it's not illegal. It's not part of your values so the doctor just has to suck it up. It's not their place to comment since it's not bad for your health. Also you can say about the tampon. If they don't believe you then so what. It's the same end result anyway and it is also the truth.

 

When I had my first time it took only one try. Sure it hurt and I bled afterwards but it wasn't so painful that I couldn't handle it. I was able to use tampons and intert 2 fingers.

[Loralora]

So what does the Hippocratic Oath say?

 

If ANYONE asked you about the surgery, you could get the gyno fired.

 

Your boring little hymen surgery is not worth her career.

 

ETA: I'm saying boring bc this should be routine and unexciting for her. I'm not at all saying this is a boring topic for you.

 

The Hippocratic Oath is an oath stating the obligations and proper conduct of doctors. Every doctor has to respect and do as it says. It's like an Oath doctors take once they finish medical school.

 

Yea I know what you mean when you say "boring". I'd still like someone that doesn't know me to do it.

[Loralora]

Okay, Loralora, if you're serious about wanting to try this again before seeing a doctor...

 

1) Let your SO know what you're up to and make sure he's on board with all of this.

2) Set the mood. Nice dinner, some wine, lots of flirting and caressing from both of you.

3) Start with just kissing. Lots of it. Not just on the lips, but use this time to explore each other. Necking is especially helpful, at least to me. Also, keep up the caressing.

4) Slowly undress each other. Even if you feel desperate to get naked ASAP, the slowness will help build the RIGHT kind of tension. Keep up the kissing and caressing (just assume that you should keep doing these things).

5) Have him start playing with you down there. If you start feeling uncomfortable with anything, stop him and go back to just making out. Teach him what you like from your own explorations of your body. Don't let him just start jamming his fingers in, because that's not going to help with your pain or anxiety.

6) Once your body is properly warmed up, give it another shot. Take it slow and easy, still kissing and caressing when possible.

 

It's worth noting that if your vaginal opening is truly smaller than a pencil, this may not actually help. If it doesn't...well, you know the rest.

 

I've always been scared to try to put anything in it. And now I find that it might not be possible. Even trying with my pinky finger it's painful and there is just so much sensitivity.

 

Thanks; I don't know if I'll be able to try it one more time before going to the doctor...

 

Thanks

[annie24]

 

 

I don't know if anyone has already mentioned this, but you might have vaginismus. Go to this site and read more about it. and talk to your doctor as well. You can also purchase a "dilator set." Try practicing first with a q-tip. If you can get that in, try your smallest finger, and so forth. don't try for the whole penis right off the bat.

[annie24]

Sex shouldn't hurt. My first time was painless.

 

The tip? GO TO THE DOCTOR.

 

You are in medical school. You know better. Strangers online cannot fix this.

 

My first time was incredibly painful. It's hard to say what sex should and shouldn't feel like because everyone is different.

[mustlovedogs]

My first time was incredibly painful. It's hard to say what sex should and shouldn't feel like because everyone is different.

 

Ok, that's fair - but it shouldn't be excruciating.

[Ophelia13]

I used to have the same problem. It might help if you touch yourself right before via non-penetrative clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is extremely sensitive to touch, and the vagina opens up more when you're more turned on.

 

I suggest that either you rub your clitoris yourself, or you guide his hand over it in the way that feels most pleasurable (men can often be too rough when fingering). This will feel great, and will help your vagina open up more so that he can enter you without causing you any physical pain. Alternatively (if you're into it) he can perform oral on you before entering, and that will help as well.

 

Doing kegels in your free time to strengthen pelvic floor muscles is also supposed to be beneficial.

 

And lots of lube is always a good idea. Lube should be applied to the opening of the vagina (but make sure it's water-based lube, because oil-based lubes can cause problems).

 

Hope this helps!

[annie24]

Yes he is a licensed doctor. A very good one. He is now a resident in vascular surgery. Meaning he just started his

specialization in surgery.

He has just started training to be a surgeon. But I don't think I'll make him do it it's too much pressure on him and me.

 

Yeah, don't have your bf perform surgery on you.

 

I grew up in a strict household and my mom (incorrectly) thought that virgins couldn't use tampons so she never allowed tampons in the house. As a result, I wasn't used to having something "inside" me and sex was incredibly painful the first few times I attempted it. I went to the doctors and they kind of shrugged me off like, "no big deal, have a glass of wine and just do it." it was really frustrating. What helped me was learning more about vaginismus (painful sex) and about techniques and exercises. Do take a look at that website and see if you can buy a similar kit in your country. basically, I had to learn how to "relax" and not tense up. This started from inserting a q-tip to being able to just have a very small dildo (like the size of a pinkie finger) and just leave it in for half an hour while watching TV or whatever. So nothing really sexual, but just getting used to the sensation. Having a set that worked up from very small to a large sized penis was very helpful and now I don't have so many problems, unless a guy starts trying to have jackhammer sex off the bat, and that's really quite unpleasant and painful if he's hitting my cervix. Some positions hurt me more than others, I think that a lot of women are like that, so it will just take time to learn which positions are the easiest for you and which are painful.

[Loralora]

Yeah, don't have your bf perform surgery on you.

 

I grew up in a strict household and my mom (incorrectly) thought that virgins couldn't use tampons so she never allowed tampons in the house. As a result, I wasn't used to having something "inside" me and sex was incredibly painful the first few times I attempted it. I went to the doctors and they kind of shrugged me off like, "no big deal, have a glass of wine and just do it." it was really frustrating. What helped me was learning more about vaginismus (painful sex) and about techniques and exercises. Do take a look at that website and see if you can buy a similar kit in your country. basically, I had to learn how to "relax" and not tense up. This started from inserting a q-tip to being able to just have a very small dildo (like the size of a pinkie finger) and just leave it in for half an hour while watching TV or whatever. So nothing really sexual, but just getting used to the sensation. Having a set that worked up from very small to a large sized penis was very helpful and now I don't have so many problems, unless a guy starts trying to have jackhammer sex off the bat, and that's really quite unpleasant and painful if he's hitting my cervix. Some positions hurt me more than others, I think that a lot of women are like that, so it will just take time to learn which positions are the easiest for you and which are painful.

 

Yes thank you. I think the pelvic floor muscles are contracting because I'm not yet used to the sensation and I'm a bit scared. I have noticed that as soon as he tried to enter I tense up and contract my pelvic floor muscles. So there are all different kinds of factors that are contributing to my situation.

 

Because growing up in a strict culture I thought even trying to put my finger or something else in it it is bad. When the time comes now I can't haha.

 

That little by little approach might work, I have already put a q-tip through...

 

I might try it again...

[Loralora]

I used to have the same problem. It might help if you touch yourself right before via non-penetrative clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is extremely sensitive to touch, and the vagina opens up more when you're more turned on.

 

I suggest that either you rub your clitoris yourself, or you guide his hand over it in the way that feels most pleasurable (men can often be too rough when fingering). This will feel great, and will help your vagina open up more so that he can enter you without causing you any physical pain. Alternatively (if you're into it) he can perform oral on you before entering, and that will help as well.

 

Doing kegels in your free time to strengthen pelvic floor muscles is also supposed to be beneficial.

 

And lots of lube is always a good idea. Lube should be applied to the opening of the vagina (but make sure it's water-based lube, because oil-based lubes can cause problems).

 

Hope this helps!

 

Thank you...

[Loralora]

Tired again failed again !

 

Tried putting all the things u all said at use.

 

I got a finger through and his finger through for a very short amount of time and nothing more..

[annie24]

Keep at it. Try to keep your own finger in for a longer amount of time. Watch some TV to distract you.

[Loralora]

Keep at it. Try to keep your own finger in for a longer amount of time. Watch some TV to distract you.

 

I drank almost a bottle of wine and the room was spinning a little...still too sensitive...now my head hurts. Yea maybe some distraction will be needed..

 

Also used an anesthetic gel..just numbed my superficial parts a little even though I tried putting it deep down...

[Loralora]

If everyone is interested for an update:

 

After closely analysing the hymen, I saw I had no other choice but to get medical help. My hymen was thick with two very small q-tip size openings in the bottom.

 

We decided to cut the hymen in the medical office of my boyfriends dad (his dad is a doctor). Since he (by boyfriend) is a doctor and a surgical resident he said he is confident he can do it and I didn't need to go elsewhere .

 

Under sterilised conditions with sterilised gloves and instruments, after numbing the hymen with a local anesthetic injection, he made a small 2cm incision/cutt. There was very little bleeding since we used an anesthetic combined with adrenaline.

 

Even after making the incision I still had difficulties even putting a tampon through. I had pain putting the tampon in and especially while taking it out.

After making the incision, we waited about two weeks and tried penetration but I still had pain.

 

Then after two weeks when we decided to try again, I used topical anesthetics to numb the pain and finaly he was able to penetrate but with further tearing and bleeding. Besides using topical anesthetics, this time I also got a little drunk with alcohol (on purpose) to try to eliminate the psycological factor causing difficulties, since I think part of the problem was also that..because everytime we would try I would make trips to the bathroom every 5minutes.

 

At last it is open. I went through hell but I kept at it. The next time I try it I will use no anesthetics but for now I can't even stay seated because there was further tearing of the hymen and bleeding.

 

For now the bleeding has stoped and I am just waiting for the pain to pass..

 

P.s. I also used antibiotics for 10 days during this whole process to prevent any bacterial infections..

 

Thank you all for your help I am very happy that at last I can have a normal sexual life. I never thought I would be so happy for achieving something as small as this; now it seems so important and huge to me.

People should not take anything for granted; not even their normal hymen haha!

 

I hope someone will learn from my experience!

[mustlovedogs]

I can't remember, are you on birth control? Because antibiotics screw with it. Just be careful. And congrats!

[Loralora]

I can't remember, are you on birth control? Because antibiotics screw with it. Just be careful. And congrats!

 

Yes I am on birth control, I took the kind of antibiotics that don't interfere with the type of birth control pills I am taking..

 

Thanks...

[boxingguy]

Maybe this is a sign he ain't the one. Do what you will, just don't regret it.

[Loralora]

Maybe this is a sign he ain't the one. Do what you will, just don't regret it.

 

My almost imperforate hymen was the problem; meaning my almost completely closed hymen.

 

I would have had difficulties with anyone I would have tried to have sex with. There was simply a mechanical block hence explaning all the cutting, tearing and bleeding.

 

My psycological state played a role but a VERY SMALL one. Virginity losing was always a big deal for me because that's how my culture/society made me think. I really don't care about losing it now. I am REALLY glad I did. I don't even care if I won't end up marrying this guy.

 

Even if he turns out to be the worst person in the word and we break up I will always be thankful and grateful for him helping me open up my hymen.

 

If I knew it would be this hard for me I would have paid someone to open it up for me A LOOONG time ago just so I don't have to go through what I went through (trying to lose my virginity just like everyone else only finding out the hard way I had a problem).

 

I am just glad he happend to be a doctor and he knew what had to be done and did it.

 

I feel like I lost my virginity twice. Firstly while cutting it; secondly after being penetrated. The hymen was so much closed, that even the cutting didn't do the job. It teared up even more after penetration. But if we had not cutt it, penetration would have been impossible.

 

I am so excited now that it's completely open. The level of happiness I feel for finaly being penetrated is the same as the level of happiness I feel after finishing a big hard exam lol. Seriously.

 

I'm even more excited about the next time I try to have sex without anesthetics and all that stuff. Now I will finaly feel something haha !

 

People should seriously not take their normal hymens for granted

[boxingguy]

I'm happy if you're happy, OP. Wish you best of luck. 😃

[Loralora]

I'm happy if you're happy, OP. Wish you best of luck. 😃

 

Thanks haha 😃

[SherrySher]

What did I tell you at the start??

 

Very happy for you that you were able to resolve this.

[Loralora]

What did I tell you at the start??

 

Very happy for you that you were able to resolve this.

 

Yes you were right all along, thank you 😊👍

[Jibralta]

Wow, what an ordeal! I'm glad you are finding a resolution, but I'm not so glad to hear that you can't sit!!

[Loralora]

Wow, what an ordeal! I'm glad you are finding a resolution, but I'm not so glad to hear that you can't sit!!

 

The further tearing of the hymen caused by finally being penetrated was the cause of the pain and yesterday I literally couldn't sit.

 

Today I feel much better. I can sit and the burning feeling has gone away.

 

I'm going to wait at least a week to 10 days before trying it again. I want to make sure it's completely healed.