My husband or my new love

[Ambi93]

My husband (married for 1yr, together for 6) cheated on me for about a year with two women that I know of. I knew the whole time deep down and straining responsibilities of his ill mother I feel may have sparked it. Finding proof of the affair I kicked him out which began tedious struggles of communication of futures, titles to vehicles and divorce. He had been MIA for about 2-3months. I tried to move on, him being the only relationship I had I slept around, drinking, smoking, knowing he chose the other woman over me and hoping this could relinquish his hold on me. A man saved me from the abyss, his kindness pulling me back to the side of light. He'd been through a similar ordeal and was heartbroken. Eventually we began a FWB relationship but something much deeper, always around one another or texting. I couldn't look at him with teasing him sexually or grinning at his cute quirks. My ex entered back, being more helpful in our affairs with brief texts and 2 meetings. Ending the 4th month without him I recieve a call that he needed me, I drop wjat I'm doing to go. I bring him back to the apartment we share with his mother. The woman he says is no longer a want, which I would have rejoiced in earlier. He wanted me, something he'd mention a few times in our meet ups. But now it's complicated. I think I've grown feelings for my friend, finding it hard to imagine a day spent with him without a kiss. At the same time I can't bare the thought without my husbands face even with the memories it brings. I enjoy the freedom I gained, doing who and what I want. I never had that since we were together since I was 17. I wanted a break, a time to think. Him be free, and I too then come back. The thought hurts him.So I felt coerced back to work on the marriage but still interact with my new interest and find myself longing for more time with him

[Clio]

Break up with your husband. It doesn't sound like you have the foundation to fix this and all the reasons that ended your marriage are still there. You gave that relationship seven years and it didn't work. As for your fwb, he sounds like a rebound. Only time will tell whether it can evolve but right now, you are using him to escape loneliness and hurt so your judgment is clouded. It would probably be best to stop seeing him until you get back to your own two feet and finalize the divorce. Right now the foundation of that relationship sounds too shaky for it to develop into a healthy one.

[used2blue]

Please think more of yourself and your happiness.

Your husband crossed a huge line. Letting him back means you are condoning his actions and it will only happen again.

You deserve better. Break away and file for separation at a minimum. Work on your needs to be happy.

You have only one life to live. Choose based on love, trust, and happiness

[Lester]

He cheated while married?

[Wiseman2]

It seems you would be better off with an open relationship. How did you 'kick him out' of his own mother's apt?.

 

If you want to play the field get separated and get your own place or move back with your parents while you sort this out.

 

Didn't you just try this? Him be free, and I too then come back.[/b]

[Ambi93]

I mean he's not the first guy I was with after, just the only one I actually developed feelings for

[Ambi93]

Apparently it started before we got married

[Ambi93]

She was sleeping when it happened and he didn't fight back. I feel like he only made it worse not trying to reconnect. Like not coming back, not calling. I'd like an own relationship, at one point he did but not now. It sucks bc I was getting over him and was fine with my situation then he comes back. I was planning on going home but there's no space for me (I'm from a different state) so I'd need to Save money

[Lester]

So I can understand...

 

You married a man who was sleeping with two other woman.

You somehow didn't see that or didn't care and married him anyway.

Predictably, he brought/continued his 'manly' cheating ways into the marriage.

You threw him out, made no plans, but instead had empty sex with creeps, and decided one of them seemed okay.

You then crowned this cheater, (yep, you're married, and most likely, so is he), your savior.

Now you're fretting/thinking which bed you choose to lay will finally solve all you problems.

 

"I was planning on going home but there's no space for me..."

- If you mean you would have to sleep on the floor, do it!

 

You need years alone to clear the mess out of your life/head.

[RainyCoast]

wait, you live in your MIL's apartment and don't allow her son back because he cheated on you and you have considered divorce. it is handy not to divorce but instead forbid him into his own mother's apartment because you can't afford to move and sleep with men at a place of your own?

 

transferring unfulfilled wishes from one partner to the next isn't love, so i wouldn't idealize your rebound fella.

 

start looking for a place of your own. either divorce your husband or dump you rebounds and attend marital counseling.

 

in any case, take some counseling for yourself.

[RainyCoast]

i feel like i need to emphasize this

 

you live in your MIL's apartment and don't allow her son back because he cheated on you and you have considered divorce. it is handy not to divorce but instead forbid him into his own mother's apartment because you can't afford to move and sleep with men at a place of your own

 

if you are giving up your soul for a roof over your head, give up your infidelity as well, and accept a rotten marital situation until you decide to finalize the divorce and move out.

[Ambi93]

Idk he was doing it before. And it's not really a bed I'm trying to choose, I'm trying to figure out if it's worth fixing with him or move on with what I was doing while he was gone. As for space, my parents are hoarders

[Ambi93]

We were planning on getting a divorce, had the paperwork ready, want even planning on getting in a relationship with the new guy, I just enjoy his presence, I don't really see him as a rebound. Mainly the freedom to see him as a please. But it's just feeling like I'm choosing one or the other. I'm conflicted. I'd love to go to my own counselor but can't afford it. That's why I posted it here for advice

[RainyCoast]

Mainly the freedom to see him as a please. But it's just feeling like I'm choosing one or the other.

well to see him as you please, you would do well to do so as a divorced woman, who has not kicked her husband out of his own mother's place.

 

you feel like you are choosing one or the other? maybe...because yo do need to chose one or the other? what is not logical here? your husband would not have reaped your resentment if he could have chosen, instead of having multiple women.

 

why would it be the only alternative to move in with your parents? you are old enough to marry, thus old enough to provide for yourself, rather than living in limbo whose roof to sleep under, and what man to cling to.

[Wiseman2]

Get an apt or room or share a place. It sounds like you don't work or have a place to stay. As long as you want 'your freedom' to pursue this other guy, living with your husband and his mother isn't going to work out well.

I'm trying to figure out if it's worth fixing with him or move on with what I was doing while he was gone. As for space, my parents are hoarders