Confused about ex's motives

[TheString1]

My ex girlfriend wants to be friends, with sex on her terms. Sounds great, but there's some problems I don't know how to resolve.

 

I don't want this, I still love her and the anxiety I get is effecting my life. I told her this and she doesn't understand why I can't just let things be. So, I ignored all her calls for about a week until she gets more desperate and calls my work, and shows up at my house! Crazy!

 

I accidentally answered (long story, trust me I didn't mean to) and she told me how much anxiety, sadness and anger she got when I ignored her. With me it's the opposite, I get all messed up when we talk. I love her, so I told her we could "let things be", the next day I feel stupid and emotional again.

 

I asked her why she wants to be friends with me so bad. Especially when it's not fair to my feelings. She went silent and then told me how much she loves me. Yet, she will not make this a mutual dating scenario and wants me to let things be.

 

I don't know what to do. All I know is I don't want this with her, I want more. The situation I'm in is setting me back.

[rolf12]

No contact. This will affect you til she decides she wants someone else or finds someone else. Been here. Don't feed her ego.

[Liraele]

You're still in the hopeful stage, which is why you're willing to hurt yourself by sticking with things on her terms.

 

If you really want to heal, close the door and go NC. All or nothing; and it looks like she's opting for nothing since you've made your feelings clear.

[Wiseman2]

Why did she break up and want to downshift to fwb in the first place? Is she using you as a backup while she's free to shop around? Is this arrangement a new twist on 'cheating with a free pass'?

 

She can't have it both ways if this is hurting you, no? It seems she has poor judgement and is rather impulsive. Rather than abrupt no contact, tell her directly that it's exclusive dating/a relationship or nothing. Don't play games.

 

This sounds immature, how old is she? ignored all her calls for about a week until she gets more desperate and calls my work, and shows up at my house! Crazy!

[Careerchoice]

This situation may not be easy for you to deal with, but it's not complicated. You want something specific and she wants something different. What more needs to be said? It's not your job to try to convince her into it. She knows what you have to offer. Either she wants it or she doesn't want it. And if she doesn't want it, you need to cut her out of your life for good so that you can free up your mind and heart to go find what you're looking for. That's if you want what's right for you.

[Jeetsun]

Why did she break up and want to downshift to fwb in the first place? Is she using you as a backup while she's free to shop around? Is this arrangement a new twist on 'cheating with a free pass'?

 

She can't have it both ways if this is hurting you, no? It seems she has poor judgement and is rather impulsive. Rather than abrupt no contact, tell her directly that it's exclusive dating/a relationship or nothing. Don't play games.

 

This sounds immature, how old is she?

 

This is what's happening right here. You want more and she want's to mess around. Cut her out or you will set yourself up for confusion, frustration and pain.