Silvi Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 yesterday my gf and i were walking around town and she was searching for a book. while we were in one of the book store's she asked me how much the necklace was that i bought her for valentines day, the reason she was asking is cos her friends were talking about it and they said it looked expensive..the thing is she doesn't like it when i spend too much money on her..that's why she asked! anyway eventually i told her how much it was (kinda expensive ) and she fliped out on me!!! she hit me over the head, pushed me and shouted a little lol! well after this we were kinda distant and then she asked me if she hurt me and i said not physically but emotionally yes! she said sorry and we had a little talk about it...after that we were fine, we sat down in the park and she layed down and rested her head on my lap..basically we forgot all about it! then i spoke to her on the phone that night (as we always do) and she mentioned how bad she feels by it...i told her that iv forgotten all about it and there's nothing to worry about..it was just a spare of the moment thing that happened! anyways we went out today and she mentioned it again, i don't know why but she just won't forget about it...i told her that it was one bad thing that happened on what was probably the sweetest day we've had out together!!! but she just won't stop beating her self up over it!!!!! i'v tried a million times to tell her it's ok, it's in the past, no harm done!!!! she just won't accept it!!!! how do i get her to realise that iv forgiven her? i just don't want her to feel so hurt about it especially after i've already forgotten about it!!! cos i hate to see her so down and it's realli starting to make me feel bad and hurt now..... yea so how can i try n tackle this situation??? thanks in advance.... Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 You can say something like, "You know, if it makes you feel better, I can just return the necklace to the store and pretend nothing ever happened..." See how "quickly" she forgets about the entire incident Link to comment
Silvi Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 lol! thanks but i think it may be a little more serious then that plus the necklace is amazing and she absolutely adores it...also it took me ages to pick out so errrrm thanks for the suggestion but no thanks...sorry! anyone else got any ideas??? Link to comment
Cecelius Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 Sure. Tell her she can make it up to you in "other" ways Link to comment
Silvi Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 ok ok im sorry about that previous post...but i just wanna ask is it wrong when i give my own opinion but it's ok when others leave stupid ideas for people that are asking for help??? cos if that how it is then...wow what a great forum!!! who ever deleted my other post...well done cos you were really doing the right thing!!!! so i'll just ask again...does anyone have any good advice??? Link to comment
SouthernSon Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 ok ok im sorry about that previous post...but i just wanna say that it's wrong when i give my own opinion but it's ok when others leave stupid ideas for people that are asking for help...wow what a great forum!!! who ever deleted my other post...well done cos you were really doing the right thing!!!! so i'll just ask again...does anyone have any good advice??? What are you even talking about. No need to be so harsh. Link to comment
Silvi Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 forget about it mate...basically it was just a post that i wrote and it got deleted!!! i was just complaining and giving my own opinion on certain things cos some people were giving out stupid advice that's all....anyway it got deleted so obviously this is a very fair forum.... and i don't think i was being harsh...and neither would you if you had read my other post... Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 There's no place for name-calling on this forum. It is alright to say, "oh - I don't agree with your ideas" but name calling is not ok. We are trying to help you. What I mean is - use humor. Having a "serious" talk with her only intensifies this problem. It's really not a big deal you know, but it's gotten blown out of proportion. Her response was way over the top. That's why I think if you said something to her playfully like, "Oh honey - I see how distressed you are and what a problem this necklace has caused! I have the reciept - I will return it! I just want things to be like they were before between us. Damn this necklace!" I promise, she'll laugh and the mood will be lightened. Link to comment
Silvi Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 your right and i've sent you a PM saying sorry...i just got worked up... lol! thank you, now i understand what you mean...that's a good idea actually!!! Link to comment
DN Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 Also, take heart from the fact that she is really sorry she hit you. You didn't say how intense she was when she did but a lot of domestic violence situations start in this way. The fact that she is very sorry is a good thing. But if she does it again beware - it could be a big red flag. So try not to be too forgiving or she may take it as a signal that it would be ok for her to do it again. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 Yes, I hope that your gf has learned a few lessons. #1 - I hope now, instead of asking you how much a gift cost, she just look it up online, or go to a jewelry store and see how much a comprable necklace costs. #2 - to accept a gift graciously (no hitting involved!) #3 - if a guy gives her an expensive present, that the conversation goes like this: gf: What a beautiful necklace! bf: I looked all over for the perfect one. gf: oh! This is too expensive! I can't accept this! bf: Sure you can! I love you - you are worth it! gf: Oh - you're right! I am worth it! Is this necklace part of a matching set...? Link to comment
DN Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 Yes, I hope that your gf has learned a few lessons. #1 - I hope now, instead of asking you how much a gift cost, she just look it up online, or go to a jewelry store and see how much a comprable necklace costs. #2 - to accept a gift graciously (no hitting involved!) #3 - if a guy gives her an expensive present, that the conversation goes like this: gf: What a beautiful necklace! bf: I looked all over for the perfect one. gf: oh! This is too expensive! I can't accept this! bf: Sure you can! I love you - you are worth it! gf: Oh - you're right! I am worth it! Is this necklace part of a matching set...? "...like, does it come with a diamond encrusted Mercedes?" Link to comment
Silvi Posted April 7, 2005 Author Share Posted April 7, 2005 yea she said that she was gonna look it up but we were both just there so she thought she might as well ask. i think she's really sorry, i tried to make a few jokes out of it like you said annie24 and it kinda worked, lol! she said to me if she ever raises her hand to me again i should hit her lol! obviously i wouldn't but it's funny cos it proves how sorry she is!!! thanks for that piece of advice DN, you've got a point about not being too forgiving but i think it's ok now...cheers Link to comment
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