No Contact

[rolf12]

My girlfriend and I broke up 3 months ago. We supported each other after, and expressed our desires to be back some time. 3 days ago we acknowledged we needed a clean break no contact and see what happens. In the 3 months I have gone days without contact, then she would initiate contact and I'd jump in with replies asking to meet up etc. . .we met up a few times.

 

2 days I'm into no contact and I'm doing it to improve myself, do my own thing etc. . .I've got the feeling she may have used me as a comfort over the last couple of months, though I also belive she is genuine when she says we need no contact, as there wasn't much of a change in our correspondence, mainly because I assumed we were getting back together and fell into the constant contact trap

 

I've no interest in contacting her now, since the clean break speech, and blocked her off social media. I'm very down sometimes but I'll survive!

 

My query is should I be expecting a text from her or what may this represent? I won't be replying. My idea is, as has been the last few months, if she texts she's thinking about me. If not it's done and dusted. . I'm building myself up for a break. BuT the words she speaks about when the time is right, and we're not dependent on each other she wasn't to be back then. . .

[Wiseman2]

Good idea...don't let this slide to back where it was or into the friendzone. She needs to miss you and you need clean fresh air to reflect without all the static.

[rolf12]

I changed my whatsapp profile photo last night. Got a text from her this morning so cute had to contact you x. . .I'm not replying!

[Wiseman2]

Friendzone. Is this where you want to be with her?

I changed my whatsapp profile photo last night. Got a text from her this morning so cute had to contact you x.

[rolf12]

Most definitely not. It's now day 6. I'm sad today. . Any day I'm not busy I mope around. .

 

On night 4 of no contact, I received a message, whilst out with my friends at 2am stating "have a good night, miss you madly, cried my eyes out earlier". . I gather she had a few friends out that night

 

Again I didn't reply. I'd like to believe her words but I'm not giving in and texting. I am mad about her, and still love her, but I don't want to start from square one again. I'm only going to respond to a text asking to meet etc. . Which will prob never come!

 

I'm doing this for myself. If she is serious about getting back. .with this clean break she'll make a greater effort.

 

Day 6 and counting!

[SadSadgirl]

Most definitely not. It's now day 6. I'm sad today. . Any day I'm not busy I mope around. .

 

On night 4 of no contact, I received a message, whilst out with my friends at 2am stating "have a good night, miss you madly, cried my eyes out earlier". . I gather she had a few friends out that night

 

Again I didn't reply. I'd like to believe her words but I'm not giving in and texting. I am mad about her, and still love her, but I don't want to start from square one again. I'm only going to respond to a text asking to meet etc. . Which will prob never come!

 

I'm doing this for myself. If she is serious about getting back. .with this clean break she'll make a greater effort.

 

Day 6 and counting!

 

no contact is most effective when they're blocked so you can't see what theyre saying. this also helps so you aren't constantly reminded of them when their name pops up on your screen

[reinventmyself]

You should at least ask her to stop contacting you for the meantime.

Let her know if she wants to reconcile she can let you know, but for the meantime you need to move on.

[rolf12]

Everyone is telling me to block her number. Day 7 today and I'm in a heap upset all day and didn't sleep a wink. I don't want to block her number, for fear she is genuine, and does what the reconcile soon. . These 7 days have been the longest we've gone without contact, from my side anyway.

 

A friend of mine, who doesn't shirk from anythin, told me last night my ex has photos up on Facebook from a night out and looks to have put on at least a stone. My ex was very emotional up to a week ago she told me herself, as a result I feel like I want to reach out, stop ignoring her texts, but am afraid of starting from square 1 again. I'm devastated enough today without feeling worse.

[SadSadgirl]

reconcilation wont be succesful if your feelings are still raw

[rolf12]

reconcilation wont be succesful if your feelings are still raw

 

I'm going to keep going with no contact.

If she really wants to make a go of it again surely she will make a greater effort.

 

Just need to get my routine back, I've put all my energies into the no contact the last week.

I'm starting to believe I'm doing the right thing for myself now - Just need to stop ruminating and stop obsessing!

[SadSadgirl]

I'm going to keep going with no contact.

If she really wants to make a go of it again surely she will make a greater effort.

 

Just need to get my routine back, I've put all my energies into the no contact the last week.

I'm starting to believe I'm doing the right thing for myself now - Just need to stop ruminating and stop obsessing!

 

Yes, anyone who wants to really be with you and make things work would make the great effort to do so. don't waste your breathe on someone who wouldn't do the same

[rolf12]

Day 10

 

she blocked me from whatapp last night. I assumed she wanted nothing to do with me, or was angry because I ignored two of her texts recently as my conflicting mind keeps asking myself is she genuine. . .

 

She text saying:

I blocked you because I was tempted to text you but I didn't want to! Don't text back I've work in the am.

 

I planned on not replying. This was the 3rd type of contact she's made after agreeing to no contact 10days ago. I didn't understand why she did it. Either she wanted attention, and knew I'd see it or else she is genuine it was a way to stop her contacting as this was the means we always used.

 

I replied this morning simply "I respect that, hope things are well with you". There was nothing to reply to and I didn't wait nor receive one. I replied to keep the door slightly ajar in case she is genuine whilst gettin on with my own life. The time apart already has given me a great time to reflect on the issues we had, and more the issues I had, and I regret the mistakes spending too much time together, and me controlling things I should not have, and how comfortable I was in the relationship with a girl much younger. Thinking logically now I do want another Chance with her though opposed to before I accept I'm not ready yet. But I'm committed to work on myself before/if anythin happened again. And if I'm in a relationship again I've learnt a lot and have received professional help, which she helped and insisted on me gettin immediately after we broke up stating I required it though she was afraid I'd rectify my issues and someone else would get me.

 

I don't feel this contact has set me back really. A big part of me belives it's over but there is that slight ray of hope, the tears she has shed I don't belive were false. She met me 7 times in the 3 months when we shouldn't have saying last week "I didn't want to meet all those times, we needed the clean break but I love you, and didn't want you thinking I was walking away in case you thought this, I hope we can be together in the future with a clean break needed to rid the dependency, constant contact and issues". This girl seems to know what she wants/doesn't want. During the times we met whist broken up I was persistent in asking her about our progress and future, a mistake I realise now but it was part of the emotion.

 

Is she genuine when she says blocking me was a way of stopping herself contacting me?

- I hadn't contacted her in 10 days, despite her texting me twice so she didn't block me because I was spamming etc. . .

 

I'm going to continue with my healing regardless. I'm not going to hang on a potential false hope. I'm going to Hit the gym next week, after work and starting a new course on Tuesday evenings. My diet has been poor so I've plenty to distract me whilst also planning a summer trip with my friends to Asia. If its meant to be and it is a clean break we need to become less dependent we will see. I'll be waiting for something substantial before there diving into texting her. I feel good not texting her beats the 3 months of highs and lows.

[Shaoirse]

i think you have done the right thing not texting,breaking up with someone is so heartbreaking and the pain you feel when that person is not there anymore is heart wrenching, but it will pass, give yourself time, you will start to think about it more logically as time passes and then assess the relationship , if its meant to be it will be.