No contact after breakup from complex situation

[Viperk1212]

Have a complex situation. I was married prior to reconnecting with a childhood friend. Turned into an emotional affair and then a full blow affair. It took about a year to begin.

 

It was a very intense love affair and we both fell hard for one another. I decided to separate from my wife but was very conflicted as I have a family. Had a mismatched marriage etc. and I realized what I had been missing all along. Nonetheless, I was an ass and accepted it and apologized for my actions.

 

All along my OW was there waiting for me to figure out my situation. For about two months I was working on separating but hadn't pulled the trigger as I couldn't break up my family or at least come to terms with it.

 

I knew I wanted to be with the new person. She was and still is the love of my life. Fulfilled every category for me and was exactly what I wanted. Nonetheless I could leave my family until I found a path forward that would accomplish our family goals and wrap my head around it.

 

Throughout this time I was communicating with the OW. She was very supportive but wanted me to figure out my stuff. She didn't like me stringing her along but I just needed time.

 

At the beginning of march she reached her limit and said I need to decide for myself but she couldn't get holding on. Too painful for her. About the same time an old flame appeared and she starting chatting with him. This was a 4 month fling and a 18 year age difference ( younger guy).

 

She told me she didn't want to see me now and didn't see a future. I asked to speak wth her and she agreed. We talked for an hour and she was very into it and thought about the conversation for three days. Wanted to meet and have drinks and talk. We did and it was fine but she was still feeling the relationship was draining and toxic. I was still dealing with leaving and having a tough time and not really myself.

 

She had been hanging out with the old flame for a few weeks prior. She said I was bringing bad energy to her world while others were not. This was true and my life was in full transition and lots of Crap happening in the background with Ex wife getting involved ( texting / calling).

 

She text me a few days after our last visit in mid March and said it was not a step forward and was inclined to keep her distance for now.

 

I sent her a nice positive email outlined how great our connection was and what a future would look like. she took exception to it and replied back that it was not how she saw it. Said it was draining and distracting to her life. It was toxic and she wished she didn't get involved. I replied back trying to stem th bleeding but made it worse.

 

She said in her last email that she didn't want a relationship with me and asked that I move on.

 

The next day my ex wife called her to tell her she could have me. She didn't like this and text back saying she didn't want the drama etc. she asked that I leave her alone. I said ok and have not contacted in 3 weeks.

 

Some Social media background. She had blocked my FB account a few months ago as my then wife was logging in and posting stuff. I had created a separate account to be sure there was no meddling so I could message. In early march she blocked that account too and we just texted only. She didn't want me hiding behind other accounts.

 

After we broke up, I deactivated the secondary account and cleaned up my primary account removing all picture and what not as I made my transition to being single.

 

She moved on and starting seeing this guy in early march and continues to do so as that is drama free and she had some old feelings. He walked out on her after a few months a few years ago.

 

Two weeks into our NC, I noticed my FB account was no longer blocked. She also removed a public post talking about wanting to be left alone soon after the breakup. I had looked via a friend account and saw it.

 

I checked today out of curiosity and my deactivated account was also unblocked.

 

I'm curious as to what the rationale would be. I assume she wanted to see if I reconciled with my wife and keeping tabs on me?

 

She said the old flame wasn't a long term and all her friends wanted her to be with me but I wasn't available at the time and I brought way too much drama.

 

Just curious what my path should be? I am working on myself and cleaning up my world as any new relationship will need that. But I do want to reconnect with her in the future which I stated in my last email contact during the breakup.

 

Thanks

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like she simply gave up on all the false hope. The social media stuff doesn't really indicate much. How did your wife find out and contact her?

 

This sounds like she's done. Stay no contact. How are things with the wife after all this?

SShe told me she didn't want to see me now and didn't see a future. she was still feeling the relationship was draining and toxic.She said in her last email that she didn't want a relationship with me and asked that I move on. she asked that I leave her alone.

[Viperk1212]

I told her last month that I decided to separate and did so. She was questioning to see if that was really true. She implied it in her last email mid march.

 

As of mid march she was still talking about getting divorced together ( she's separated too and marriage etc). She was making plans to be together in May and even taking trips together in April. So this was all said a few weeks ago.

 

Wife got into my email account and got into my phone and used my Facebook account as it was auto logged in and Gmail loves to remained logged in too. So wife sent her text and messages from my phone.

 

I plan to stay no contact. She is big on FB and if she was worried about being pestered by my drama and blocked me, I just wonder why a few weeks later she unblocks both.