3 year relationship ended 4 months ago. Time for a second chance?

[Brinstar]

My girlfriend of 3 years dumped me in early December 2016. I was surprised because I had been working extremely hard on showing her how much I loved her after I left for the summer and she told me she felt "differently" about me as soon as I came back.

 

Anyway, we have been trying to sell the apartment that we own ever since then and consequently, have not been to go full NC. During the first few weeks after the breakup, we even tried to hang out as friends. Over the last weeks, it has become obvious that I can't be in the grey zone as I want to be a lot more than her friend. She sent me a few texts asking to hang out and I always turned them down.

 

Two weeks ago, I told her exactly that when we met up to take care of paperwork for the apartment. I told her it had to be black or white - either she wants to hang out with me as her boyfriend (or at least, someone she is trying to make things work with) or I can't be in her life at all. That is when she burst into tears and told me that - she did not plan on telling me this right away - but that she was asking herself serious questions about whether or not she made the right call by breaking up with me. There was some "I am not saying I love you or want to get back together but a part of me would like to try again and see where it could go". She suggested we date while mentioning there is no guarantee her feelings will come back.

 

I took a week to reflect on that. Then, last Sunday, I told her I'd be more than happy to start again by taking things slow but that she has to be sincere and truly want a second shot at our relationship. She seems extremely confused so we agreed to keep moving ahead with the sale of the apartment and if we start dating again, we will see where we stand. I leave for 4 weeks so odds are we will talk when I am back. The thing is, I was hoping she would come back crawling but she has mentioned that it is hard for me to see if she wants to give this a second shot because whenever we see each other we "cry, talk about our breakup, do paperwork and the you leave".

 

Question: would you start dating your ex knowing fully well she is not in love right now and can't make any promises it will work out in the long run? I still love her with all my heart and am willing to take things slow even though I know it will be hard for me and potentially setting myself up for more heartbreak.

[melancholy123]

To answer your question, no I would not date her at the present time. She doesnt seem to know what she wants. It's probably good you are going away for a month, you both need to be apart so you can both clear your heads and hopefully figure out what you want.

[MissCanuck]

Reconciliation is not going to work right now.

 

I remember your previous thread. This girl has no idea what she wants and has been yanking on your emotions for a while. She also cheated on you and then requested emotional support from you. She is arse-backwards and incredibly selfish, despite what you try convince yourself and others of.

 

Thus, dating her again would be a disaster. What will probably happen is that she will see others while you "take it slow" and leave you in the dust when she finds a guy that she's into. In others words, you're setting yourself up to be FallBack Guy.

 

Don't do it. You will more than likely regret it.

[Brinstar]

I appreciate your honesty, both you you.

 

We agreed that for the next month, we can text each other if we feel like it but no promises. What I told her last week is that although I am willing to take the risk of getting extremely hurt again, I will only take that risk if she can convince/tell me she has giving this some serious thought and a second chance at our relationship is truly what she wants.

 

If she comes back and proves she does want to reconcile, then I'm convinced it could work. If not well.... I'm getting my own apartment next month so I suppose this will help me fully move on. She swore she will only try dating again if she sees a future between us. Would that still make the "Fallback Guy"?

 

Thanks!

[MissCanuck]

I appreciate your honesty, both you you.

 

We agreed that for the next month, we can text each other if we feel like it but no promises. What I told her last week is that although I am willing to take the risk of getting extremely hurt again, I will only take that risk if she can convince/tell me she has giving this some serious thought and a second chance at our relationship is truly what she wants.

 

If she comes back and proves she does want to reconcile, then I'm convinced it could work. If not well.... I'm getting my own apartment next month so I suppose this will help me fully move on. She swore she will only try dating again if she sees a future between us. Would that still make the "Fallback Guy"?

Thanks!

 

If you sit around and wait for that to happen, then yes. It would.

 

I think you will find that once you're in your own place and detaching and possibly meeting new people, you won't want this woman back. She's not a high-quality catch, but you're blinded to that right now.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. But she broke up and it's not your job after that to dry her tears of regret or loneliness.

[Trinity11]

Everyone is right. She has to know 100% that she's going to give/try 110%

 

Saying she can't make promises is safeguard herself for changing her mind again.