Troubles with his past

[Hopelessgirl]

Hi everyone,

 

the title might sound like some typical issue but unfortunately I haven't found anything on the internet that comes closes to mine.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We always have been honest to each other about our 'past' so it never formed any problem to me.

After 5 months of dating I got to know that he used to date one of my good friends (before he met me) and that he still wasn't over her.They never really had a relationship but still his feelings for her weren't gone by then. The more we talked about this, the more he hurted me by telling things like she was better in bed, that he'd put more effort in surprises for her than for me, that he sometimes still thought of her etc. even thought she treated him so badly and never even had feelings or him.

After our fights he always said that he never meant it, that he loves me now and that that's just the past. Since then he has been seeing a psychologist to help him getting over it. I'm happy to say that this was the best decision he could ever make (otherwise he would never get over her) and that he left this behind.

 

But I didn't. The things he said during these fights still hurt. I talked with so many people about it, read thousands of forums etc. but nothing helped to get that feeling away. I tried several times to break up with him but I couldn't because I love him. At the same time it feels so wrong to keep him attached since we still have a few fights about this issue and it hurts both of us.

 

I don't know what to do. I love him and even though we've only been together for over a year I never felt so good with someone else. Our minds and interests are so alike. I just can't get this out of my head and it keeps hurting me. I still have to cry every time I think of the things he said or he's done. It's just so difficult because I see my friend on a daily base so I constantly get reminded of our fights and the things he'd said and I don't want to break my friend-relationship with her because she's a good friend of me.

[Keyman]

. I love him and even though we've only been together for over a year I never felt so good with someone else. Our minds and interests are so alike. I just can't get this out of my head and it keeps hurting me.

 

And yet you seem to feel so bad around him.

For a start, the past is in the past and unless you have a time machine, there is no changing that. But to have your boyfriend tell you that your friend is better in bed than you are? Even in a fight, that would end the relationship for me. Love is not worth being treated like that, even in the height of anger. That is pure abuse. And it sounds like while he is talking to someone about it, he is still bringing it up.

 

If you are adamant about staying in this relationship, which I believe you are foolish to, then you need to forgive him for saying that and how he has used the information about the past against you. Then tell him that if he says it again he's out. This may break your heart, but he does that to you every time he says it.

[charity]

Your trouble is not with his past with her. Its with his past with YOU. He treated you terribly, your instinct is screaming at you to have respect for yourself and you are ignoring it because you 'love' him. Girl, that's not love. He may have changed, he may have realized his errors....but you are the one that experienced him as he was and that is very difficult to move on from. Honestly if someone ever spoke to me like that I would have no trouble leaving.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It would be best to end it when someone is holding a torch for an ex or pining over anyone.

 

If he needs a shrink to move on so be it but what he doesn't need is a relationship..and he doesn't deserve the comforts of one if all he talks about is how much better any exes were at this or that.

 

Walk away from his crude, insulting remarks and go no contact and delete and block him.

After 5 months of dating I got to know that he used to date one of my good friends and that he still wasn't over her.telling things like she was better in bed

[lostandhurt]

Discussing the past is not a good idea and now you see why.

 

The comments he has made comparing you to her in bed and how he treated her so much better than he treats you shows you that he doesn't value you in the way he should. To him you are a way to help him forget about her and he in no way truly loves you like you love him.

 

I am sorry but this whole relationship is one sided with you doing all the heavy lifting. Time to seriously consider ending this so you can heal and one day meet a guy that loves you as much as you love them. Remember he loved or possibly still loves this other girl when she treated him so badly and now you are in the same boat. You love him but he treats you badly so why not take your own advice and get away from this situation and love yourself enough to stop taking this abuse.

 

You have a lot of love to share with the right guy but he simply isn't that guy.

 

Lost