In laws and Ex-Wife

[abitbroken]

Its a two way street. If it is known that the son is coming to town, what is stopping your husband from extending an olive branch - writing a letter, keeping up with birthday cards to let them know they are always welcomed? If the son wants to cut his dad off, that's his choice, but the father never has to stop leaving the door open.

 

I would just ask that if people bring the ex up - that they are free to friend her but please don't discuss her in front of you - but that's something that should come from your husband, not you. I also feel that you guys should reach out in some way eventually to the son that lived with her as well. He should have a relationship with this woman as far as being able to be in the same room for a graduation or a son's wedding. He doesn't have to like her, but that puts kids in an awkward place when they feel they have to choose.

 

The more one parent is badmouthed, its the parent that is more stable but doing the badmouthing that usually ends on the short end

[hawkgirl21]

I feel your pain. I'm married and my husband has 10 year old twin sons. He got divorced because his ex wife met someone else to whom she is now married. She was abusive to him and he was miserable when he was married. Yet, his family still treats her like a friend and goes out of their way to be social with her. They also get involved in conflicts he has with his ex-wife (sometimes created conflicts because he has put his foot down about something and then his mother tells him he should give in and accommodate his ex wife, always to benefit her, never the children). I also have a sister-in-law who socializes with the ex-wife, but is cold and unfriendly to me. It bothers me - it hurts me that they disrespect my husband in that way because he's asked his family not to get involved and feels that they don't support him and haven't supported him (when he was going through his divorce, he couldn't afford a lawyer. His brother is a lawyer, but refused to get involved and his mother wouldn't give him money for a lawyer, yet two years after he divorced she gave his ex wife $5000 because she "needed it". His ex-wife makes a six-figure salary and her parents bought her a house, so she shouldn't need money). I also feel like his family getting involved only prolongs conflict, which ends up hurting his children. His mother even got in to telling him how I should act around his ex wife, how I need to be friendly to her (I avoid her and ignore her because she exhibits borderline tendencies and made unfounded accusations against me before my husband and I were even engaged). I think divorce makes people uncomfortable and some people hold on to unresolved issues from a family divorce. I suspect this is my sister-in-law's problem. One of the few comments she has ever made to me was about my husband's divorce. I sometimes wonder if her marriage is not as wonderful as she makes it seem, so she can't deal with the fact that my husband is divorced because it hits too close to home. It doesn't make my life easy, especially as a new stepmom. I just try to focus on the kids and ignore the rest of them. I figure my husband's family is not super supportive of him and I know that, so I just kind of keep them at arm's length. I've blocked his ex wife on Facebook (that caused another drama fest when I didn't accept her friend request - she literally cried to my husband about it. At the time, he and I were dating and I met her once and she spent the whole time criticizing my husband. She has also told my husband that if he and I got married, she would come after him for more child support because she thought she had a right to my money. I certainly wasn't going to give her a window into my private life.). She's not currently friends with anyone in my husband's family - I think she unfriended them all because she had a new boyfriend immediately after kicking my husband out of her house, someone she met well before she told my husband she wanted a divorce, so I'm sure she wanted to hide that. I know she used to be friends with them, but when she added me as a friend, none of his family were on her friends list. I also avoid her at all costs and I don't really care what my husband's family thinks of that. Since his family hasn't been supportive and hasn't been super welcoming, I'm not worried about their opinion. This has been a work in progress. I was really hurt at first that they weren't very friendly because I met my husband well after he got divorced, so it's not like I broke up his marriage, and have better financial standing than he does, so it's not like I'm using him for his money. He's also incredibly happy with me and you'd think they'd be happy with that, instead of wary and cold. I'm nice to them, but don't ever see myself getting close to them. I'm protecting myself both from the ex wife and the unsupporting toxic family. I don't say anything negative in front of the children or in front of my husband's family, but I don't interact with their mother and don't intend to in the future. Marrying a divorced dad has taught me a lot about family dynamics and family relationships. Most people have dysfunctional families and it can be easy to let that get you down, but I've made it a point to work on not letting that cloud the positive parts of my relationship and my life.

[Texas12]

Don't listen to these holierthannot threads. I completely understand your situation!! My fiancé' ex is friends with all his family on fb, even though she took him for all he was worth in the divorce, accused him of being a terrible father (he is not!) and milked him dry in child support and alimony. So I feel you. I have refused to be friends with them on fb even though my fiancé and I have a baby together. THEY need to get priorities and a ing clue. I can't be around them knowing they are so close to his ex--even had pics of them up on the walls the first two times I went to visit. Welcome home, me, we want the ex back. Simple message and f them.