Took a drink after a month of sobriety and called ex

[IsaacT]

My ex and I (20 and 22) split up about two months ago and the breakup was very hard on me. Things got to be a little too heavy for me with alcohol after we separated so I decided to give it up for a while, get over her and get healthy.

 

I think it's important to mention that drinking had nothing to do with us separating, on either of our parts. She always knew that I was a little worried about alcohol because of my family history, but never thought it was an issue.

 

We separated after we became long distance, things got hard, she felt mistreated, asked for a "break" and hooked up with someone else when we agreed not to see other people. She lied multiple times about it, I reacted in a way that she found controlling, and things deteriorated from there.

 

A week ago, she got in touch, saying she had been looking up flights to see me and sort of lightly suggested getting back together. A few days later, I wrote back, basically saying thank you but I need to keep moving on because right now I really just need to focus on staying sober and healthy.

 

Then we got into an argument about whose fault it was that we separated, the cheating, her saying she never actually wanted to get back together etc. but things still somehow ended on good terms and we both apologized for our part.

 

Last night I slipped up and had more than a few drinks with my friends and called her when I got home. She was busy but we messaged for a while. I told her I slipped up with alcohol and just wanted to talk, and she said she could call when she was home. I fell asleep briefly before she called, and messaged back a bit later, apologizing and asking if she was still up.

 

She responded this morning sternly, saying she called when she said she would and that she needed sleep. She ended with "bye" implying she doesn't want this to continue.

 

I feel really embarrassed. The thing is that I don't feel for her like I used to but she was always there for me about things like this and I just wanted to talk.

 

Should I apologize, try to follow up or just leave things as they are?

[indea08]

You guys broke up. Unless the conversation is "I want to get back together" then there's no reason to be in contact. You can't use each other as an emotional crutch. You'll have to find a new support system.

 

And FYI, people who don't have an alcohol problem don't need to focus on being sober and don't have "slip ups". I think you need to be honest with yourself that maybe you do have a problem and go seek the appropriate help.

[Wiseman2]

It would be better to get an AA sponsor for this conversation 6785647] I told her I slipped up with alcohol and just wanted to talk and she said she could call when she was home.She responded this morning sternly, saying she called when she said she would and that she needed sleep.

[hawaiian robot]

This will be more about not drinking that the relationship stuff, but man, sorry things were rough and you slipped up with being sober, it's a rough time all round. I've been off drinking for a year, and that first month is the hardest. For me, I found that going to a place like the StopDrinking sub-reddit and posting there when you feel the urge really helped. If it's something you want to stick with, you gotta take it a day at a time (sorry for the cliche!) and reaffirm that whenever you need to.

 

As for the ex, maybe leave it for a little bit, a couple of days or a week, then get back in touch? Really depends on what your motivation is, if it's to try and patch things up, or just leave it as friends but smooth that friendship over?

[kbbcoop77]

No don't contact her anymore. She knows how to find you but don't entertain her unless she's serious about reconciliation..everything else is just noise

[JaggerJim]

No I'd probably just leave it. You said you don't "feel for her" as much anymore, so just let time go by. Eventually she'll just be a nice memory to look back on.