Is he losing interest or am I overreacting?

[kys48]

I've (30F) been dating a guy (40M) for about 2.5 months now (have not discussed exclusivity yet) and it's been going great. We've been seeing each other once a week, slept over each other's place and generally spend the next day together if neither of us has plans.

 

I've met some of his coworkers and he was holding my hand or had his arms around my shoulders the entire time. His parents know of me and things generally seemed to be progressing. We talk on the phone about once a week but otherwise keep in touch over text between dates. He initiates contact most of the time and we haven't had a day where we haven't been in some sort of contact since we have been seeing each other. Things seemed to be going great right?

 

He just returned from a 1 week business trip last Wednesday evening (he texted me the entire time he was there) and I asked him if he was available last Saturday to hang out. He replied that he was working and asked what I was doing on Friday instead. I told him I'd be available Friday evening but he replied he was working that night (he works most weekends) but didn't offer an alternative.

 

I know I'm being ridiculous, but I have this gut feeling that he is slowly starting to back off. He still texts me every day but hasn't asked me out and it's been almost 3 weeks since we have seen each other. I've already asked him out and don't really want to push it again. Is he slowly losing interest? I was injured recently and bed ridden so I'm alone with my thoughts and it's making me sad, because this is the first time I met someone where I didn't have to doubt whether or not he liked me and this is throwing me for a loop.

 

Thank you for reading my long winded post, appreciate any feedback you guys might have!

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately 3 weeks is a long time not to see each other in a 10 week dating situation. You mention you weren't exclusive. Do you think he's dating others?

 

Agree you've already done your part as far as asking about seeing each other. Stop texting him and text much less. If he wants a relationship, it should be in person not a text-buddy,no? That's lazy 'dating' and he could be texting 20 other women.

2.5 months now have not discussed exclusivity yet. He still texts me every day but hasn't asked me out and it's been almost 3 weeks since we have seen each other. I've already asked him out and don't really want to push it again. Is he slowly losing interest?

[seanryder]

Dating is like tennis....you hit the ball over the net and WAIT for it to be hit back!

[reinventmyself]

. He replied that he was working and asked what I was doing on Friday instead. I told him I'd be available Friday evening but he replied he was working that night (he works most weekends) but didn't offer an alternative.

 

I was injured recently and bed ridden so I'm alone with my thoughts and it's making me sad, because this is the first time I met someone where I didn't have to doubt whether or not he liked me and this is throwing me for a loop.

 

A couple questions:

He asked you about Friday and then snatched it back by saying he was working?

And. . you are bedridden?

[kys48]

Unfortunately 3 weeks is a long time not to see each other in a 10 week dating situation. You mention you weren't exclusive. Do you think he's dating others?

 

Agree you've already done your part as far as asking about seeing each other. Stop texting him and text much less. If he wants a relationship, it should be in person not a text-buddy,no? That's lazy 'dating' and he could be texting 20 other women.

 

Sorry I miscounted, it's been about 2.5 weeks and one of the weeks he was out of town on business. I'm not sure whether or not he's dating others. I'm assuming he is, although so far he's been spending his free time with me.

[JaggerJim]

But you said you two were exclusive. So how can he be dating others?

[kys48]

A couple questions:

He asked you about Friday and then snatched it back by saying he was working?

And. . you are bedridden?

 

Lol yes! Maybe he meant he wanted to hang out Friday afternoon?

 

And yes, I was in a car accident a couple of days ago but this was after we had the conversation about making plans for that weekend.

 

Seeing a lot of talk but not so much action, I'm afraid.

[kys48]

But you said you two were exclusive. So how can he be dating others?

 

I said we haven't discussed exclusivity yet.

[JaggerJim]

What about hanging at each others' houses during the week? He can't work all the time.

[kys48]

What about hanging at each others' houses during the week? He can't work all the time.

 

It would switch off between weekdays/weekends depending on our work schedules. We are both freelance so our schedules change quite often.

[reinventmyself]

Lol yes! Maybe he meant he wanted to hang out Friday afternoon?

 

And yes, I was in a car accident a couple of days ago but this was after we had the conversation about making plans for that weekend.

 

Seeing a lot of talk but not so much action, I'm afraid.

 

Assuming he knows of your accident? It would make sense that he's not asking you out.

 

That's the down side of being intimate with someone who you don't have an understanding of exclusity with. You have expectations.

Imagine had you not been intimate. Your expectation might be a little more relaxed.

[Wiseman2]

He's had no 'free time' in 2.5 wks? Agree it sounds like he's dating others and shifting you to the back burner position, sorry.

I'm not sure whether or not he's dating others. I'm assuming he is, although so far he's been spending his free time with me.

[JaggerJim]

He's had no 'free time' in 2.5 wks? Agree it sounds like he's dating other and shifting you to the back burner position.

 

Saying "I'm busy" is just an excuse. He has allocated no time for you at all.

[SoulTaker]

Assuming he knows of your accident? It would make sense that he's not asking you out.

 

That's the down side of being intimate with someone who you don't have an understanding of exclusity with. You have expectations.

Imagine had you not been intimate. Your expectation might be a little more relaxed.

 

I agree with "reinventmyself". The risk with being intimate, without "exclusivity", is that it becomes a casual situation, and you should not assume anything out of it. You even noted that he could be seeing other women.

 

It could also be the case that he feels comfortable enough with you (going to each other's houses, meeting co-workers, parents,...) that he doesn't have to continue to pursue you (going out on dates). After 2.5 months, you have the right to discuss this issue with him the next time he contacts you, and agrees to take you out on a date (don't pursue him).

[kys48]

@reinventmyself You're right. Except I was considering our dating period a chance to get to know each other, I myself wasn't quite ready for exclusivity yet. For right now, I'm ok with him seeing other people, I'm just disappointed that he might not want to continue to see if something could come out of this.

 

I've always just been really slow to open up to people emotionally, and tend to run away to protect myself so it's hard for me to discern whether the guy's actions (or lack thereof in this case lol) are something I'm ignoring because I want it to work, or if I'm not giving the guy the benefit of the doubt because it's easier to write him off. It's good to see other people's take on the situation. Thanks for your input!

[kys48]

@wiseman2 Well to give him some credit, he was away for a week on business so it's more like 1.5 weeks. I was also in an accident recently and not feeling well, so perhaps that's why? He's called or texted me every day since to check up on me.

 

Either way, I agree that if you really wanted to see someone you'd make it happen, and it hasn't happened so I'll take it for what it is. Thanks for your input!

[kys48]

I agree with "reinventmyself". The risk with being intimate, without "exclusivity", is that it becomes a casual situation, and you should not assume anything out of it. You even noted that he could be seeing other women.

 

It could also be the case that he feels comfortable enough with you (going to each other's houses, meeting co-workers, parents,...) that he doesn't have to continue to pursue you (going out on dates). After 2.5 months, you have the right to discuss this issue with him the next time he contacts you, and agrees to take you out on a date (don't pursue him).

 

I agree, I think I'll let him initiate the next date. I was excited to see him when he got back from his work trip and was disappointed when that excitement wasn't reciprocated.

 

Thank you for your input!

[kys48]

Saying "I'm busy" is just an excuse. He has allocated no time for you at all.

 

Agreed. I'll just step back and see what comes of it. Thanks!

[nsolo]

The man should be asking you out on dates. If this guy wants to text you like a friend would, is that the type of man you're really looking for? I agree with the others about waiting. Keep the texting even keel, and, though it may be uncomfortable, start looking for others to date as well, in my opinion. Although I do think you could consider the "Where is this going?" talk at this stage in the game, since the situation is bothering you. If you ask him that, and he says he doesn't want anything serious, then you will have to decide what to do next.

[kys48]

The man should be asking you out on dates. If this guy wants to text you like a friend would, is that the type of man you're really looking for? I agree with the others about waiting. Keep the texting even keel, and, though it may be uncomfortable, start looking for others to date as well, in my opinion. Although I do think you could consider the "Where is this going?" talk at this stage in the game, since the situation is bothering you. If you ask him that, and he says he doesn't want anything serious, then you will have to decide what to do next.

 

Thanks, I agree it might be time to have that conversation if we see each other again. He has initiated more than half of our dates and texts, I thought 2.5 months in I should reciprocate.

[Wiseman2]

Perhaps this is why he lost interest?

I myself wasn't quite ready for exclusivity yet. For right now, I'm ok with him seeing other people

[katrina1980]

 

For right now I am okay with him seeing other people.

 

I've always just been really slow to open up to people emotionally, and tend to run away to protect myself.

 

If he has backed off or lost interest this is why. This attitude is okay for a couple of weeks, but if it goes on too long, like months, the other person will feel like you don't trust them or aren't interested enough to move to next level like exclusivity, and begin to lose interest themselves.

[kys48]

If he has backed off or lost interest this is why. This attitude is okay for a couple of weeks, but if it goes on too long, like months, the other person will feel like you don't trust them or aren't interested enough to move to next level like exclusivity, and begin to lose interest themselves.

 

Maybe I should have been more vocal about me being slow to open up to people. I'll be aware of that in the future. I was just focused on getting to know him better to see if there was potential.

 

Do you think he has lost interest for good or do you think we'd be able to bounce back from this?

[kys48]

Perhaps this is why he lost interest?

 

Are we able to bounce back from this? Things seem a little weird between us now, and we are supposed to hang out this weekend.

 

I know at this point we should have some kind of conversation about what it is we are doing.. I was planning on saying something like "I like spending time with you and I want to see where this goes. What about you?"

 

I haven't been in a relationship in so long and this is all new to me. I don't want to ruin a potentially good thing just because I was afraid to speak up you know?