sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Hello everyone, thanks for reading. I have mentioned the situation on another post prior to my ex coming back, so I'll quickly give a summary. Well my ex gf of 5 years split up with me in December just gone, she explained the reasons to me (petty arguments, I got complacent) we were in NC for 5 weeks, then we bumped into each other at a local bar. Well from here onwards we stayed in contact, we were dating up until last week.. heck she even asked me to be her boyfriend again 3 times (I played it cool and said give it time). Things were going amazing, we both said the break up had done us both good and we had never been so happy... then wham! My mother sticks her oar in, messaging my ex saying she won't accept her back after upsetting me etc. Anyways me and my ex dealt with this issue and carried on happy as we was, then last week she became cold for 2 days, I asked what's up and we went out on our normal date night for a meal... And well she ended things again, she couldn't deal with the crap my mom had came out with and she said she feels too stressed out with it all. She still loves me and said she hopes she doesn't regret doing this but she had to end it for her benefit. My mom has recently apologised to her and resolved the issues, but my ex doesnt seem intrested. Any ideas? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Wow. . Sounds like there is a history with your mom and this relationship. The girlfriend took a chance, counting on change only to find out mom is still overly involved might make me reconsider too. Mom is apparently a non negotiable deal breaker. How much did your mom have to do with the original break up ? Ideas? . . . Get handle on your Mom. Link to comment
sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 Yes my mom can be extremely interfering, but she didn't have anything to do with the orginial break up. She only got involved because she saw how hurt I was from the break up originally. Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 It's too late now, but why did your Mom "stick her oar in". Healthy relationships should be between two people and not with meddling from another family member. Many women have issues with their boyfriends/husbands Mothers becoming invested (good or bad) in their relationships. I gotta say, I am on your GF's side. She shouldn't have to answer to your Mom. It's great your Mom loves you enough to look after you, but you are an adult now, she needs to let go. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Yes my mom can be extremely interfering, but she didn't have anything to do with the orginial break up. . This is a little contradictory. Mom's extremely interfering? yet she had no influence at all (directly or indirectly) over the original break up? What would your girlfriend say? Link to comment
sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 My mom wanted to defend me I suppose and make her feel the hurt I was feeling during the time apart, as at the time my ex wasn't fazed with the break up or so it seemed Link to comment
sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 This is a little contradictory. Mom's extremely interfering? yet she had no influence at all (directly or indirectly) over the original break up? What would your girlfriend say? She disn't get involved in our relationship, but she likes to give her opinion on things etc. My mother and ex have always got on great, they used to go out socialising together without me even being there Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 It's best not to confide in your mother about your love life. You mother should never under any circumstances be contacting your gfs or exgfs. In fact, she shouldn't even have their contact info. Do you live at home? This isn't about your exgf, it's about your meddling mother. To be honest most anyone would run from someone whose mother is calling the shots in their dating lives. Lay back and see if she contacts you. In the meantime discuss better boundaries with your mother. It time to tell mom you are a man and don't need her bullying your gfs or exgfs when she thinks you need to be "protected" from big bad women. Yeah, nip this in the bud now. My mother sticks her oar in, messaging my ex saying she won't accept her back after upsetting me etc. she ended things again, she couldn't deal with the crap my mom had came out with. Link to comment
sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 It's best not to confide in your mother about your love life. You mother should never under any circumstances be contacting your gfs or exgfs. In fact, she shouldn't even have their contact info. Do you live at home? This isn't about your exgf, it's about your meddling mother. To be honest most anyone would run from someone whose mother is calling the shots in their dating lives. Lay back and see if she contacts yu. In the meantime discuss better boundaries with your mother. I don't confide in her as I know this can have a negative impact on the relationship. Yes I still live at home me and my ex are 25 and have saved our mortgage deposit but now it's just a waste. Do I have anyway of getting her back? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Unfortunately your exgf got a taste of what your mother is like and ran. No one wants a man whose mom does this type of thing and he does nothing about it.I don't confide in her as I know this can have a negative impact on the relationship. Yes I still live at home me and my ex are 25 and have saved our mortgage deposit but now it's just a waste. Do I have anyway of getting her back? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Time. . . Let her cool off and see if there is anything salvageable at a later date. Link to comment
sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 Unfortunately your exgf got a taste of what your mother is like and ran. No one wants a man whose mom does this type of thing and he does nothing about it. She has always known my mom can be a funny bugger at times, but it's never came between us. I do tell my mom to keep out, so please don't think I've let her rubbish my ex with no back up from me Link to comment
sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 Time. . . Let her cool off and see if there is anything salvageable at a later date. Well last time we spoke, she said she "hopes she doesnt regret the decision, and if she does she will be in touch" Been over a week now and nothing! In fact she seems to be living it up a bit with friends Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Until now. And it will drive most women off in the future because they will perceive you as a mama's boy and your mother as this overly aggressive mama bear.She has always known my mom can be a funny bugger at times, but it's never came between us. Link to comment
sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 Until now. And it will drive most women off in the future because they will perceive you as a mama's boy and your mother as this overly aggressive mama bear. But they always got on great? I could understand if my ex never liked my mom, but she never mentioned any issues about her to me Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I have my sons gf's contact info. Good, bad or otherwise I would never phantom contacting the gf the way she did. Total crossing of a hard line boundary. Short of an emergency, my sons are adults and make their own mistakes. If I have an opinion about it, I would deal directly with my sons. Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 You may not get your girlfriend back, as you're Mother scared her away. You have learned the hard way unfortunately that Mothers can and will drive a nail between you. I can't more highly recommend a good long talk with Mom about boundaries. In future relationships, keep a close eye on your Mother meddling. You DON'T want to have this happen again. Link to comment
sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 I have my sons gf's contact info. Good, bad or otherwise I would never phantom contacting the gf the way she did. Total crossing of a hard line boundary. Short of an emergency, my sons are adults and make their own mistakes. If I have an opinion about it, I would deal directly with my sons. Yes my mom understands this now, hence the apology etc. They used to talk alot through texts, just about general chit chat that's why they have each others details Link to comment
sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 You may not get your girlfriend back, as you're Mother scared her away. You have learned the hard way unfortunately that Mothers can and will drive a nail between you. I can't more highly recommend a good long talk with Mom about boundaries. In future relationships, keep a close eye on your Mother meddling. You DON'T want to have this happen again. Do you truly believe my mom is the genuine reason she left me again? Just seems fishy how she seemed okay with it, now she can't handle it? Is this just being used as an excuse? Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Do you truly believe my mom is the genuine reason she left me again? Just seems fishy how she seemed okay with it, now she can't handle it? Is this just being used as an excuse? Yes, your Mom played a huge role in the breakup IMO. Perhaps your GF was thinking of a long future with you and having your Mom in her life was something she couldn't live with. It was good that they started with a good relationship, but maybe the relationship soured with her and your mom with the comments, or the meddling got to be 'too much'. Not to place all the blame on your Mom, perhaps there were other contributing factors affecting a solid relationship with the two of you. Link to comment
sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 Yes, your Mom played a huge role in the breakup IMO. Perhaps your GF was thinking of a long future with you and having your Mom in her life was something she couldn't live with. It was good that they started with a good relationship, but maybe the relationship soured with her and your mom with the comments, or the meddling got to be 'too much'. Not to place all the blame on your Mom, perhaps there were other contributing factors affecting a solid relationship with the two of you. Well were planning our while life together, kids, marriage and a family home. Well they are still communicating at the moment as my mom is trying to rebuild the bridges, so what next for me? Surely if she loved me as much as she says and wants marriage kids etc how can she walk away just due to my mom? Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Well were planning our while life together, kids, marriage and a family home. Well they are still communicating at the moment as my mom is trying to rebuild the bridges, so what next for me? Surely if she loved me as much as she says and wants marriage kids etc how can she walk away just due to my mom? I am shaking my head at the moment. your MOM is trying to rebuild the bridges? NO! This is not a good idea! YOU rebuild the bridges, you need to take ownership of your relationship and your life. With all due respect, your MOM needs to find a new hobby. You can't let her be involved any longer! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Do you truly believe my mom is the genuine reason she left me again? Just seems fishy how she seemed okay with it, now she can't handle it? Is this just being used as an excuse? Outside of your mom, what else was going on? What was the original reason you broke up in the first place? And if you don't know, why haven't you asked? Link to comment
sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 I am shaking my head at the moment. your MOM is trying to rebuild the bridges? NO! This is not a good idea! YOU rebuild the bridges, you need to take ownership of your relationship and your life. With all due respect, your MOM needs to find a new hobby. You can't let her be involved any longer! No I meant she's rebuilding the bridges she burned between those two, not between me and my ex. Link to comment
sam5592 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 Outside of your mom, what else was going on? What was the original reason you broke up in the first place? And if you don't know, why haven't you asked? Well were having regular petty arguments over silly things and I became complacent, which I fixed once we rekindled our relationship. She did mention the petty arguments were creeping back into our relationship though? Link to comment
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