What do I do?

[aurasande3]

So I recently went to a new school this year I don't know very many of the people. A couple of girls asked me to go to a party. I said yes hoping to have fun. I drank a lot the night started to throw up and the girls decide to leave me. This place was 50 min from my hometown and I knew no one their. This guy took care of me for a while and offered me to go inside not knowing I did. I passed out then I woke up to someone to my pants off. I remember saying "no I have a boyfriend" and the kid backing off. Next morning come and he says we had sex I don't remember any of it! I'm feeling guilty and embarrassed. I didn't tell the girls from my school because I don't want words switched around and I haven't been to school in a couple days. But today I had one male from my school and tell me "don't cheat or break up with him" but little do they know I didn't want it and I don't remember it happening. I don't know what to do because I'm scared people will look at me if I tell them the truth.

[SherrySher]

First of all, this is not your fault. You might have had too much to drink and you need to get that under control. If you ever drink, you need to not drink so much that you lose control or black out.

However, being in this state DOES NOT mean it's okay for someone to take advantage of you or rape you.

 

If this guy did have sex with you, this is considered rape. What you should do is have a doctor check out over and depending on if you feel comfortable with it or not, this should be reported to the police.

No one has the right to touch you if you do not want to be touched, or have sex with you when you're in a vulnerable state and this guy did not have a right either.

 

You made a mistake in drinking too much but that does NOT mean you ever deserved this. (Please don't forget that).

You should also consider counselling as well as this can be a difficult thing to deal with and counselling can help you cope.

I am very sorry this happened to you, it was not right but it's not your fault.

Please do everything you can to take care of yourself.

[Billie28]

It's a difficult situation for anyone to interpret.

 

And not something that can be proven.

 

You don't know if sex took place, you are basing it on his words only. Which may or may not be the truth.

 

You believe you would have said no, however can you be certain that with a lot of alcohol in your system and loss of inhibitions, that you still have said no?

 

I'm assuming the guy in question also had a lot of alcohol ? Was he capable of interpreting the word no. (Not saying it's ok) , perhaps the word no wasn't uttered because you were so drunk and he was too drunk to realise you not putting up a struggle or saying no was only because you were drunk.

 

His memory might be as hazy as yours.

 

I posted on here before about a similar situation I found myself in many years ago and always wondered.

 

You sound more concerned about your reputation than whether you were raped or not.

And that's ok! Trust me!

 

It's his word against yours. Only.

 

So to keep your reputation intact, deny anything.

To know what happened that night, all you can do is ask the guy, if you are willing to. But you must be careful to do so in a non confrontational manner. You can't really call rape on this without any memory, witness or evidence. Record the conversation if you want evidence.

 

Sorry this happened. It's very similar to my story which was over 20 years ago. Except that I know penetration happened as I woke up during it.