Boyfriend acting strange

[Lindy]

Me and my boyfriend are in a rough patch at the moment, we've been arguing lately over money and kids (his daughter is a nightmare) He was caught talking to other woman last year and sending naughty pics, i stupidly decided to forgive him and try get on as he said he was down blah blah blah. Anyway i am having MAJOR trust issues with him now, if he's on the phone i think he's chatting to other woman, he insures me he isnt and i have had a few sneaky looks at his phone and he's not talking to anyone BUT he is looking at porn..I dont mind him looking at porn BUT when he doesn't want to sleep with me for 2 weeks because he says his ermm two plums are hurting him (think he has a rash or something or so he says) but he can look at porn it's making me feel suspicious. he says everything is phone but he doesnt cuddle me or kiss me like he used to but when i mention this he says im being stupid, he loves me and everything is fine. Am i being stupid????

[Betterwithout]

Every relationship goes through rough patches. Many people argue about money.

But having trust issues will crumble a relationship regardless of actual infidelities in the background.

 

You have to decide if you can truly trust him (he is a previous offender, so my opinion, albeit a skeptical one, says he will do it again as long as he gets away with it)

 

He wants your trust and you want his, but he has a long way to go to earn it, and you have to allow it.

 

How old are you both? Do you see a future with this guy?

[Wiseman2]

How long have you been dating? Do you live together? Unfortunately without trust things will be difficult. Have you addressed the lack of sex/affection without harping on porn or suspicions?

 

It sounds turbulent in and out of the bedroom. That chronic combat about money and especially not liking his kids, will erode things. Also porn is not cheating and easier than sex, however if there is a marked preference then it's a problem.

Me and my boyfriend are in a rough patch at the moment, we've been arguing lately over money and kids. i am having MAJOR trust issues with him now. he can look at porn it's making me feel suspicious.he doesnt cuddle me or kiss me like he used to

[Lindy]

we are both 34 and not techinacallyh living together he spends a lot at time at him

[ParisPaulette]

This is the thing, if you don't trust him and he has never done anything to win your trust back, then what are you doing? Why are you in a relationship that makes you so unhappy?

 

Plus a rash down there? Yeah, no I'd be more alarmed at that. Those are often a strong indication of Herpes or other STDs. Maybe not always, but it would be enough coupled with the trust issues, the lack of anything to gain your trust back beyond the words, "I won't do it again," for me to bail.

 

Question is what exactly are you wanting here. I know the situation, but what advice are you seeking? All the advice I can give is if you have to check up on someone and you don't trust them, then the relationship is already dead. You're just trying to breathe life back into something that is gone. And a rash, so he can't have sex with you? Yeah, I'd be done. Also constant arguing. You do know that if it just goes nowhere over and over and there's no resolution then again that's a sign you are with the wrong person.

 

This relationship, such as it is, sounds to me like a nightmare of stress. Why bother? You aren't married, there aren't kids, you have no shared property, what could you possibly be getting out of this at this point? When you go back to someone it's usually best to get some type of counseling, to work through issues, and face it head on to rebuild the relationship.

 

Going back just because they beg and plead and make empty promises then don't change anything beyond an initial honeymoon phase is pretty much a losing proposition. All I can tell you to do is walk. Tell him to go get that rash checked out, and goodbye.

[nutbrownhare]

Rather than wondering about his feelings for you, look honestly at your own feelings and what you're getting out of this relationship...

 

A guy you don't really trust, with a nightmare daughter, declining levels of sex and affection and a nasty little rash?

 

I wasn't clear whether this

not techinacallyh living together he spends a lot at time at him

meant you live together or not - but if not, and there's no problem with shared property or anything, I'd just let this one go.

 

All the time you're spending with him is time you're not getting on with your own life, or actually finding a quality partner.

[Gary Snyder]

He might be a porn addict. And now you have trust issues. See if you can get him to counseling.