LordRorek Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 I am Andrew and 10 months ago someone hurt me, I felt hurt, I felt abandoned, and I felt used. After my family and I had taken them in, cared for them, and accepted them they threw us away like trash. The only thing they gave me in the end, was a weak apology, a vague explanation and then they were gone. All I wanted from this person was a respectful explanation of why they hurt us and a detailed sincere apology to me and all the members of my family for the pain they caused us. But this person either did not care enough or was not brave enough to acknowledge their mistake and own up to it. Because this person didn't give me any of the answers I needed or the sincere detailed apology I deserved. I started on an endless roller coaster of whys/what ifs and hating/blaming myself which made the healing process more painful and arduous then it should have been. But I got the best revenge.....I forgave them. Because when you hate you give them power and they rule over your past, present and future. But when you forgive someone you release yourself from their power and control which makes what they did to you completely meaningless. I can never forget what they did and I hope that one day god in his infinite wisdom will teach them a lesson and by doing so give me the justice I deserve. But I pray that they will learn this lesson and find true, complete, and total happiness in the future. Forgiveness doesn't happen all at once, it takes time. I still have periods where I feel extremely angry and I sometimes still wish ill upon this person. But the first step in the process is to decide that you will forgive them and that they will no longer rule over your life. I will live life to the fullest, I will love the deepest and I will practice gratitude, humility, and compassion every day. If anyone reading this is suffering I want you to know that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you with all my heart. I share this story with you and hope that you will share it with others so everyone can know the power of forgiveness and will use it to rise above those who have hurt them. Your Dearest Friend -Andrew Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Although this message is frequently misunderstood, it certainly is a gift in which you give yourself. Thank you for posting this... Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 I will live life to the fullest, I will love the deepest and I will practice gratitude, humility, and compassion every day. that is "taking your power back". you are moving forward in LEAPS. head high. Link to comment
LordRorek Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 that is "taking your power back". you are moving forward in LEAPS. head high. While I had talked with my friends and family about my ordeal it was your kind, poignant, and intelligent words about not only what I was going through but what she is suffering through that finally put everything into perspective. You gave me the insight I needed to finally lay my wounded heart to rest and look towards a brighter future. Thank You P.S. This thread is kinda my way of paying it forward I hope my story will help others find the strength to forgive and lay their own wounded hearts to rest. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 you're welcome! i'm glad it helped you to put it in perspective! i hope people take your words to heart. i once read it somewhere that forgiveness is so ironic, because at first it sounds like a gesture of kindness toward the other to let go (as if it actually hurts them if we are resentful?), but it's benefits for the forgiving person are such that they show very clearly why forgiveness is a matter and an act of necessary self-preservation. you'll still have days when you wish ill on them. as you begin to notice that your attempts at creating a pleasant life experience for yourself are coming to fruition, you will no longer feel so powerless, and then the need to reclaim power through fantasies of "getting back at them" also peters out. i like to take these things as symptoms of the so called "everyday neurosis"- a symptom is meant to serve a purpose, satisfy a need that we can't seem to satisfy the conventional way at a given time. then, when we get back in the saddle and see to our needs (such as the need for fairness, power, mutuality) in a better way again, the "symptom" (such as resentful, vengeful thoughts for example) can go away. so be easy on yourself, this is a natural defense at play, and it will go away when you're certain you're in control of your experience and not so vulnerable to actions of others any more. that you have mastered the art of living well despite what anyone does will be all the justice you need. it's so refreshing to see people interested in actually working with their negative feelings rather than coddling their resentment like a favorite teddy they don't want to part from. i wish there were more posts like these. Link to comment
LordRorek Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 you'll still have days when you wish ill on them. as you begin to notice that your attempts at creating a pleasant life experience for yourself are coming to fruition, you will no longer feel so powerless, and then the need to reclaim power through fantasies of "getting back at them" also peters out. I completely agree. I know that there is still some work to be done but I finally feel in control of my life again and hopeful for the future. I even met a nice girl who I really get along with, so heres hoping it goes well. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 that's great, good luck! Link to comment
Dahl Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 I am Andrew and 10 months ago someone hurt me, I felt hurt, I felt abandoned, and I felt used. After my family and I had taken them in, cared for them, and accepted them they threw us away like trash. The only thing they gave me in the end, was a weak apology, a vague explanation and then they were gone. All I wanted from this person was a respectful explanation of why they hurt us and a detailed sincere apology to me and all the members of my family for the pain they caused us. But this person either did not care enough or was not brave enough to acknowledge their mistake and own up to it. Because this person didn't give me any of the answers I needed or the sincere detailed apology I deserved. I started on an endless roller coaster of whys/what ifs and hating/blaming myself which made the healing process more painful and arduous then it should have been. But I got the best revenge.....I forgave them. Because when you hate you give them power and they rule over your past, present and future. But when you forgive someone you release yourself from their power and control which makes what they did to you completely meaningless. I can never forget what they did and I hope that one day god in his infinite wisdom will teach them a lesson and by doing so give me the justice I deserve. But I pray that they will learn this lesson and find true, complete, and total happiness in the future. Forgiveness doesn't happen all at once, it takes time. I still have periods where I feel extremely angry and I sometimes still wish ill upon this person. But the first step in the process is to decide that you will forgive them and that they will no longer rule over your life. I will live life to the fullest, I will love the deepest and I will practice gratitude, humility, and compassion every day. If anyone reading this is suffering I want you to know that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you with all my heart. I share this story with you and hope that you will share it with others so everyone can know the power of forgiveness and will use it to rise above those who have hurt them. Your Dearest Friend -Andrew Excellent, eloquent. I am impressed. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and experience. I wish you the best of luck. Cheers. Link to comment
LordRorek Posted February 27, 2017 Author Share Posted February 27, 2017 Excellent, eloquent. I am impressed. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and experience. I wish you the best of luck. Cheers. Thank you very much. Link to comment
LordRorek Posted February 27, 2017 Author Share Posted February 27, 2017 it's so refreshing to see people interested in actually working with their negative feelings rather than coddling their resentment like a favorite teddy they don't want to part from. i wish there were more posts like these. I missed this part the first time I read your post and I especially agree with this part of your post. My Mother was abused and she always told me that "When you let those who hurt/abuse you effect your life they win. So are you going to be weak enough to spend the rest of your life crying and feeling sorry for yourself or are you going to be strong enough to move forward and show them that they will not defeat you." I choose the latter of the two. Link to comment
Shegottaberigh Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I hope to stand where you do someday. I just don't know how to forgive. Link to comment
ShatteredMan Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Because when you hate you give them power and they rule over your past, present and future. But when you forgive someone you release yourself from their power and control which makes what they did to you completely meaningless. Forgiveness doesn't happen all at once, it takes time. I still have periods where I feel extremely angry and I sometimes still wish ill upon this person. But the first step in the process is to decide that you will forgive them and that they will no longer rule over your life. I will live life to the fullest, I will love the deepest and I will practice gratitude, humility, and compassion every day. Thank you for this post. It speaks volumes about your character, Andrew. I think we all struggle to arrive at this conclusion while we are consumed by the pain/anger/anxiety/depression/madness in our minds after being hurt....and struggle even harder to actually follow through with forgiveness for those who have hurt us. I know that I am going through this now. I'm getting closer every day and as I do, I feel better about myself and thankful that God gave me the time to love someone the way that I did, even though it did not end the way I wanted it to. In a weird way (to me), I'm thankful that I've learned what I have about them, myself and others through (what seemed like) a miserable, painful set of lessons that (at the darkest of times) I had to go through. Even though I'm getting closer to that light at the end of the tunnel, I'm hoping that I can I can get there sooner than expected and I suspect that forgiveness is what may ultimately push me into that light.........someday.... Link to comment
LordRorek Posted March 3, 2017 Author Share Posted March 3, 2017 Even though I'm getting closer to that light at the end of the tunnel, I'm hoping that I can I can get there sooner than expected and I suspect that forgiveness is what may ultimately push me into that light.........someday.... Thank you for your kind word. Like I said earlier that the first step is to decide that your going to forgive and in my opinion, is the hardest step. I know that one day you will get there and I hope you know that I believe in you. Your loving and loyal friend -Andrew Link to comment
Dakota2069 Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 Thank you so much for sharing this, i needed to know that others are going throu hard times and there is a happiness ahead! Link to comment
LordRorek Posted March 5, 2017 Author Share Posted March 5, 2017 Thank you so much for sharing this, i needed to know that others are going throu hard times and there is a happiness ahead! Trust me there is happiness ahead because no matter what happened you can still love and will find love again. Link to comment
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