daburazard Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 How do you know if a married man likes you? I've been a study partner to this guy in my physics class who happens to be a genius. Sometimes he finds excuses to stay with me. I studied with him one on one twice. He cuts class and stays to study with me. he whistles when he is with me. Sometimes he mumbles.. he tries to joke with me and we have eye contact of course I've been emailing him with a lot of questions. He was always quick to reply. Then he stoped replying so soon. When he emailed me back. I waited a while to reply to him. Then all the sudden, he replies soon! Yesterday me him and another guy ate dinner together. he said the food sucks and we should try real Italian food. So I said why don't you make some for us. He says sure! just come on over to my place Do you think he likes me? Link to comment
Beec Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Does it matter? Do you want to have an affair with a married man? Jeez, I'd hope not. It's nice to feel someone is attracted, but I would not want to risk being a homewrecker. Link to comment
DN Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 I agree with Beec. Why do you want to know? He is married and thereforeeee off limits. If you think he is getting too close be a little distant and cool him off. Link to comment
daburazard Posted March 31, 2005 Author Share Posted March 31, 2005 I'm just curious about human behavior Imputs from a behavioral biologist would be great Link to comment
DN Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Is this the guy you posted about before that you said you had a crush on? Link to comment
melrich Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 You don't need input from a behavioural biologist (?). Your instincts should be enough to let you know if there is any interest beyond him just being or wanting to be a friend. I think the fact that you are asking the question is enough to tell you that you think there may be something more going on here and usually your instincts around this sort of thing are right. Link to comment
tiger_lilies Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Anytime someone is married, that means Hands Off! Getting involved with a married man will bring you nothing but pain! Trust me! If you feel like he's hitting on you, then I strongly suggest that you stop studying with him altogether. You don't want to get yourself into a difficult situation when there are so many other guys available that can give you 100%. A married man has made a life long commitment to his wife. Please don't help him break that promise. Link to comment
bluelea Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Speaking as the wife of a married man who had an affair - please have more respect for yourself. Get with someone who wants to be with you because of you not because he has some issues he needs to work out or looking for a quick sex fling. If that doesn't help - how would you feel if you were his unsuspecting wife and found out that some "bimbo" and that's what you would be known as, knew he was married and didn't care anyway. Too many people will get hurt. Yeah, he likes you - he likes you for what he thinks you can give him... Again, have some more respect for yourself. Bluelea Link to comment
daburazard Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 I understand that I can't have a relation with him but I want to stay friends. He has a 10 yr old son and he is 29 yrs himself. I'm 20 So I won't pursue him! How do I be friendly but not invite disaster? In my heart -he is still hot (you rarely get looks and intelligence) Link to comment
melrich Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Well Ithink you are playing with fire, particularly as you obviously feel an attraction to him. But if you really are serious about wanting to stay friends and nothing more, then tell him that you have no interest in him other than for a platonic friendship. I am not sure you are being completely honest with yourself though and I would say to you be very careful of what you get yourself into. You have no idea of the stakes you are playing with here. Link to comment
Beec Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 If you want something with him, the first thing you need to know is that you can and always will be able to say NO. You cannot in a moment of weakened resisitance let your guard down. Link to comment
daburazard Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 I figure I'll visit him during the summer If I go there with the other guy(friend), he wouldn't have the courage to mess with me, even if his wife is not home. Link to comment
desparatehousewife Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Most likely he encounters these crushes from many girls such as yourself. He's enjoying having you stroke his ego and I will bet that you will never get an invitation over to his place for dinner. His WIFE would not approve. He's playing you and the second you get too close he will cut you loose leaving you feeling used and rejected. You're looking for some validation to take this relationship further since you've posted it under "infidelity" and I don't think you're going to find it here. My guess is you will pursue this "hotty" and learn a life lesson the hard way. Good Luck! Link to comment
Jecto Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Before you think about spending too much time with him, just think: "How must his home life be going if he is spending this much time away from his wife?" And all he wants is validation, for you to (as has been said) "stroke his ego". Just think if there are better things to do with your life. Link to comment
daburazard Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 I don't get why one of you said the wife would not allow me to come to his house. I mean we are just friends and that is all! maybe thats how people in california are? Just VERY cautious in general? I just moved here , so I don't know I do have other things in my life, but forming a friendship with this guy would not be a waste of my life, in my opinion. Link to comment
Nataliasolange Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 Trying to persue a relationship with a married man while calling it a "friendship" and knowing you have more feelings than a friendship would entail in my opinion is wrong. If you think that he may have feelings for you (sounds like he might) and you have feelings for him a friendship will only stay platonic for so long. If you could only put yourself in his wife's shoes... being betrayed by your other half is one of the most damaging and devistating things one could feel. Next after you have considered the pain that you will cause her, think about his children. After thinking about how you will affect lives of others please remember that in this mans world you will NEVER be # 1. You will always be the other woman who is there to provide the ego boost or the physical satisfaction that he may be looking for at the moment (He will still go home to his family). Eventually you will feel the pain from your own actions should you choose to continue the relationship in this direction. I know nothing I can say will stop you from doing what you want- I just wanted to give my opinion as hearing your story makes me sad for the family this would affect... and for you. I wish you the best of luck! Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 I understand that I can't have a relation with him but I want to stay friends. He has a 10 yr old son and he is 29 yrs himself. I'm 20 So I won't pursue him! How do I be friendly but not invite disaster? In my heart -he is still hot (you rarely get looks and intelligence) Let me guess, he married the mother of his child when he was only 19 or 20 years old? Getting married "for the sake of the children" is always an invitation to disaster in my opinion. My parents got married three days before my older brother was born. Had it not been for the pregnancy they would have never married. Their relationship and parenting was a complete disaster. They're now finally in the process of having a divorce. Sounds to me like he is interested in you, and I can see why he's not committed to his marrige - he was never committed to it to begin with. He got stuck with what would have otherwise been a college fling. That doesn't excuse his behavior though. He should be honest with himself and his wife if he is unhappy in their relationship, and either get counseling if he thinks they can work things out or get a divorce. It would be better for everyone in the long run. I have looks and intelligence! Never helped me much in high school though... Link to comment
daburazard Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 So you are saying he is not true to his wife? I think he was just imature back then, like many teens He got an A in the physics exam and he only studied the day I studied with him and the exam day. I studied 5 days ahead! and I only scored one point higher than him. I remember practicing a problem and I mislead him because I made a careless mistake. He jokingly said "you are trying to mess me up so you'll mess up the average of the class" He is also so cute, when he uses profanity, I tell him "watch your words" He says "sorry" He is still like a little boy Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 So you are saying he is not true to his wife? I think he was just imature back then, like many teens Based on what you've said about him and his behavior toward you: pretty much, yeah. As far as him being immature back then, that's exactly my point. Assuming his wife is the mother of his child, he's having to live with a mistake he made when he was young and stupid for the rest of his life. Link to comment
daburazard Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 You said based on what I said, he is not faithful to her but the thing is, a while ago, I received an email from him before winter break and he told me to "have fun in the snow, and he'll be shoveling snow at 6:30 am" I said why?, he said, for his wife! I think I might just be interpreting him too hard. Link to comment
daburazard Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 Today he was there early in class When I came and talked to him, he whistled a lot we were talking about cats. He said he hated them, but I said I love them. He says his wife loves them too. Why does he whistle like that? do guys do that when they like a girl and they are nervous? Link to comment
daburazard Posted April 21, 2005 Author Share Posted April 21, 2005 So today I hung out with the guy eventually we talked about infedelity and he thought it was OK to cheat on his wife using the basis that Human society used to be polygamous so it was human instinct to click eyes on other women he told me how he got drunk with three women and was yelled by his wife He told me how he loved to see chicks on campus sun bathing so I told him "there are tons near my dorm" so he said "I'll visit you sometime" He seemed so excited and happy when he was with me not to mention he had shorts on His legs were hairy and he put his legs on the table when I talked to him I told him he can visit me during the summer and he said OK he still invited me to have that meal at his house Link to comment
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