I blocked my ex everywhere but this urge of sending this last message

[luisannalui]

Day #3 87 more day to go- No contact

 

Just filed my taxes. Have to return lot of money! But at least that's out of the way. Going to the movies later with my best friend.

[luisannalui]

Day #4 86 more day to go.

[luisannalui]

I want you back. But I know you are no good for me. Although you consumed me with your lies. I cant stand how you are happy with him. Living your life happy as sadness consumes me. But I know this is just part of the healing process. I have to put myself first, love myself, respect my self. I miss you and miss your son. But you always take him away from me when you are with him. It does hurt like hell. I need to stop self inflicting pain, looking at your social media how you are continuing your life when Im here miserably spending my Sunday alone. I know is for the best for my best being with you I couldnt save money to pay my loans as you only think of going out as you are doing today. Hes taking good care of you financially. You are the perfect wife for him now. Going out on weekends taking care of their son during the week taking care of the house and giving him sex. . One day Im happy without you and other days like these I just want you with me. This roller coaster of emotions! It will get better, I guess.

 

Day #5

[luisannalui]

Day #6

 

Oh! Almost there to send you that last message. But controlled myself! I even sent it but was able to delete it as instagram has this "unsend" option. Thanks Instagram for that! I felt so bad after send it. Like seriously? after a month I always the one who initiated contact and yeah I might be right but does she care? No she doesnt. The 22nd was supposed to be our 2 year anniversary. Screw that! You are happy now with your baby daddy. Life sucks. But it get better

[lovelyworld]

I feel this way all over again. Wanting to send one last text...to make it official and leave. But I know it's not worth it. I just blocked him on FB....this is the hardest for me. But i realize it will be the only way to move on completely. I always end up unblocking them. Do you have your ex blocked on social media? It's soo hard, how do you prevent yourself from unblocking them? I get curiouss....but it doesn't help.

[luisannalui]

I feel this way all over again. Wanting to send one last text...to make it official and leave. But I know it's not worth it. I just blocked him on FB....this is the hardest for me. But i realize it will be the only way to move on completely. I always end up unblocking them. Do you have your ex blocked on social media? It's soo hard, how do you prevent yourself from unblocking them? I get curiouss....but it doesn't help.

 

I do not have my ex blocked on social media and whatsapp. I did before, but felt it was giving too much of importance so I unblocked her. But she hasme block on Facebook, I guess because baby daddy told her to do it. But she knows I have her social media account and last time we spoke she said she wont change her password. Thats how much she enjoy putting pain on me! I read your old post and I can tell that you are always available to him, he ignores you for some days and than come back to you just to make sure that you still there. No girl, you deserve better than this. I encourage you to follow no contact and if he talks to you ignore him. Remember, he was the one that left, if he wants you he find the way. But you need to put it hard on him. Focus on you!

[lovelyworld]

I do not have my ex blocked on social media and whatsapp. I did before, but felt it was giving too much of importance so I unblocked her. But she hasme block on Facebook, I guess because baby daddy told her to do it. But she knows I have her social media account and last time we spoke she said she wont change her password. Thats how much she enjoy putting pain on me! I read your old post and I can tell that you are always available to him, he ignores you for some days and than come back to you just to make sure that you still there. No girl, you deserve better than this. I encourage you to follow no contact and if he talks to you ignore him. Remember, he was the one that left, if he wants you he find the way. But you need to put it hard on him. Focus on you!

 

Well, he's seeing someone else now. So I doubt he'll come back. The fact that he was hiding it for a month or so from me told me he didn't want me to find out and get over him, but now that he has admitted...I feel like that was his way of finally ending it? you know what I mean? Or am I wrong here?

 

You're right...I did make myself available to him. But you know, I'm done playing these games. If he talks to me, he should know what he wants. I'm going NC now...because I have no choice. I will not talk to a taken guy. Idk if he'll reach out again...I mean he reached out this time while seeing her, but I have a feeling he won't again. Idk. I just know I won't be the one to ever initiate. I want to move on to the point where I don't care if he reaches out.

[luisannalui]

You should stop thinking what he would do but make your own decisions. Is like you're waiting on him to make a move so that you make a decision of YOUR life. Is your life not his. They always leave to be with someone else. The two times my ex left me she was back with baby daddy. This time she said she wouldnt but she did. This guy almost killed her and shes back eith him. Still she got the guts to say I was the problem that I didnt change etc. Well, now Im taking time for me. To heal, to improve myself and to discover those negatives thing about me that made my previous relationship fails. And of course, in the future if someones wants to leave, I swear to you that I wont do a to make them stay. A partner should be an addition to your life not the center of it.

[boltnrun]

Did you finally stop paying for her phone?

 

Not the phone plan, the phone itself?

 

If not, why can't her man pay for her phone? Doesn't he have money?

[luisannalui]

I disconected her line n december 27th she asked me to put it back as she needed for work. I did and used this to let my emotions out and all she did was to make me feel miserable and no worthy again. So, I disconected her line again and she asked me to put it back that she needed to work. To give her at least a week as she had too much bills over her. But I told her that it was time to love myself again. So baby daddy opened a phone line for her as her credit is bad. And she returned the phone damaged so I could not use it or resell it. She told me That I was being selfish because she was moving on "without my help" for God sake! When I helped and motivated her to become a taxi driver and helped her to start college ( both she gave up) That same week (christmas eve) I loan her $100 to later found out she used that money to go out to drink with other woman. A money she never paid me. She told me she ended the relationship because I didnt change, when I did my best to demonstrate her I did. But I got upset whenever I found out she was still lying than she will use this to go out drinking with friends.

 

But Later I found out through a mutual friend that sent me a whatsapp conversation was that she ended the relationship because she wanted to explore with other women that whenever I fought she would go to other women, she even talked to other women while being with me, those women even sent her nudes pictures. I remember she told me she will date a better woman than I was! But now shes back with baby daddy, the same guy she put in jail for domestic violence. Shes back with him because she failed to keep her taxi job and to go out to date older men for money, rather be with baby daddy.

 

I almost sent her this message today as I want her to know I know shes with him because of that. But im not doing it. Until today she consider me a toxic person to be with. I felt so bad when I was told she was leaving the state that proposed to get back and she had no interest. Wanted to stay friends and I said no.

 

The last time we spoke was two weeks ago when she told me she was back with him.Even though she tried to deny it at first. Im trying to move on but man is so hard.

[luisannalui]

And also because I was unable to get an apartment for her as my credit score is bad as well but because of all of the loans I left behind to support her when I decided to move in with her and take care of her and her son. Of course, my whole responsibility and decision. But now that baby daddy has a job making more money than I and without any loans hes the go to go. He was able to get the apt for her although she said she did it by her self. I cant blame her she was having too much working as a taxi driver and not giving time to baby son as he was all the time with nanny. Now she get to be with her son and be financially worry free. But I trusted her I believe she could do better than this. But she gave up with college, work, and our relationship as she always wants the easy way out.

 

Will she ever regret this?

[luisannalui]

I deleted and blocked facebook and instagram from my phone and website. I did not delete my accounts. I want to do this as I feel social media can be very distracting and a tool to visit her profile. I stay away from social media I stay away from the urge of visiting her profile. Lets see how long my social media detox last.

[luisannalui]

The last time I sent her a message was the 8th. So it been 12 days of no contact. I already screw up with social media. Lets see if I can start again. Guys, after stalking on her social media I feel like crap, especially knowing shes back with baby daddy. She hasn't post any pictures yet but it does no good to me. So please don't stalk ur ex, it doesn't s help on ur recovery process.

 

Can't sleep !

[luisannalui]

I bought set of clothes to her son and left it at baby sitter apt when I went to visit him. She havent pick it up yet although she said she needed as hes growing and none of his clothes fit anymore. Baby sitter said she hasn't go yet bc she owes her money.

 

Maybe she hasn't because baby daddy don't want me close to him and he would know it was me that bought it as shes not working. I did it for the baby not for her as when he was staying at baby sitter she didn't bother to care if he had enough clothes or not.

 

My lord when I will take her off this pedestal!

[luisannalui]

So she called me last night at 1:40am. I think she did it by mistake as it was a whatsapp video call. I don't know. Is this her trying to get my attention or maybe it was by mistake? Idk if I should ask her or leave it like that. I visited her profile and it look Thats she was drinking last night.

[luisannalui]

Hence, this was the first time she initiated contact after she ended the relationship. She did once but because I was visiting her son. This time she was drunk dialing her ex, me. Last time I contacted her I told her it was the last time and thanks God I kept my word.

[luisannalui]

DAY 13 No Contact. I'm not going to play your games. You told my best friend that you called me to bother me, seriously, who you think I am? I take this too serious and maybe you don't even remember that you called me last night. I know you drunk dial not because you miss me. YOU misses ME missing YOU. She though I would be available as other times. But everything changed.

[lovelyworld]

DAY 13 No Contact. I'm not going to play your games. You told my best friend that you called me to bother me, seriously, who you think I am? I take this too serious and maybe you don't even remember that you called me last night. I know you drunk dial not because you miss me. YOU misses ME missing YOU. She though I would be available as other times. But everything changed.

 

"you miss me missing you"...omg so true. My ex also pulled the same move before, he facetimed...I assumed it was by accident, and never replied. Then he brought it up when we saw each other saying "I know you saw me facetiming you". Trust me, they don't call by accident...how can they do it by accident?! She did it to mess with you. Or to have you react so she can say it was just an accident. Either way, she was thinking of you.

[luisannalui]

Update; she told our mutual friend "oh my God what did I do by calling her. (Like embarrassed/guilty). Our friend told her that she did it because she wanted to do because she was thinking of meit but had the guts to do it drunk not sober. She said No, that she did it bc she wanted to bother same as she called my friend. (But my friend said shes using this to cover her a...) Than she told my friend that I didnt pick up because Im losing weight I'm taking pride and that she wouldn't never call me if shes sober.

 

Like seriously who she think she is!

[luisannalui]

"you miss me missing you"...omg so true. My ex also pulled the same move before, he facetimed...I assumed it was by accident, and never replied. Then he brought it up when we saw each other saying "I know you saw me facetiming you". Trust me, they don't call by accident...how can they do it by accident?! She did it to mess with you. Or to have you react so she can say it was just an accident. Either way, she was thinking of you.

 

I did not contact her at all and Im not going to, Im not playing this game. Shes saying that she did it to "bother" but what a coicidence that she posted last night on her facebook "I want love"

[luisannalui]

Day #14 no contact. Today was supposed to be our second anniversary. I gave myself the gift of not waiting for you anymore. Starting to live life without you.

[luisannalui]

Day #15. It does get better, isn't? I'm trying my best to no stalk your social media. You post so many bs. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of letting buy my mind. My mind need to finally accept that you are not part of my life anymore.

[luisannalui]

I want to check your social media, just to see what you have posted. But I'm controlling myself. I know it does not good to me. I need to control myself, my life. I cannot allow you to keep taking control of me anymore. Seeing you does affect me. I need my mind to understand that you are not part of my life anymore. That you are gone.

[luisannalui]

So whatsapp just did an update where you can update your status with pictures and videos same as snapchat. And you can see who viewed your snap. By this I confirmed you still have me add on your contact list. Im not watching your snap so you can post we u want. You ain't watching mine, either. But before I would watch all of your timeline so u know I cared. Im not your doormat anymore.

[luisannalui]

Day #16. Weather is so nice outside! But going home from work. Hope that I get to enjoy my weekend.