I want a boyfriend, but it's hard for me to fall in love

[MMGG0612]

I'm not desperate and I enjoy being single. I'm happy this way and I wouldn't be in a relationship unless I'm really in love.

 

Buuuut my last boyfriend and I broke up 4 years ago. It's a long time ago. And I miss being in love. I miss kissing just one person for a long time. I'm 21 and I think it's a good time to met someone to share things with. I feel I'm ready.

 

The thing is: I don't fall in love easily. I only fell (actually, I only had ANY INTEREST) for 3 guys (and had a relationship with 2 of them) in my life, and all of them were my friends before we kissed. I guess I don't like the meeting new people (knowing their intentions) process. So online dating, going to parties or going to a date with a friend of a friend won't work for me. And no, I don't think I could fall in love for any of my friends either.

 

I know "love comes around when you least expect", but, it would be good to open new doors, wouldn't it? Do you guys have any suggestions?

[Wiseman2]

Widen your social life with groups, clubs, volunteering, taking adult classes ,etc. Also get a nice profile and pics on some dating apps and start n messaging and meeting men for no pressure coffee.

 

You have to date before you can fall in love. If you refuse to date or socialize, then you'll be single a long long time.

 

Take it slow and first get to know guys, then worry about love. Also try to be more realistic about dating and relationships. Some guy is not going to just fall out of the sky. Stop being fwb with your male friends.

I'm 21 and I think it's a good time to met someone to share things with. I guess I don't like the meeting new people.

[jdb740]

This sounds like how I used to view dating. I was explaining to someone how I didn't want to just 'date.' I wanted to meet and get to know people and see where it went, and I had this requirement that I had to get to know them a little bit before moving to dating or more. But as this wise person said to me, "Why?" Why did I have to be friends with someone first? Why couldn't I just set up a date with someone that I thought was cool? Why did I have to go through this whole procedure for everyone? Granted, it's always a nice feeling when you have a steady friendship with someone that bubbles into more. But as you're well aware, those don't come around all the time and every relationship's story is unique.

 

So my suggestion is to ask yourself that, and ask why. Ask if you could move things a little quicker and not have the friendship first requirement. As this person pointed out to me, it's perfectly reasonable to become friends as you date someone. Lastly, before you completely sign off of online dating, there's nothing on there saying you have to immediately and only date people on there. I'd encourage you to give it a try. If you meet someone, it's perfectly acceptable to tell them that you're looking to get to know them before dating. Hope this helps.

[Krankor]

At 21 you shouldn't still use your experiences in high school as a template for "how you work" or how you're going to form romantic relationships for the rest of your life.

 

Join clubs, volunteer etc like Wiseman2 suggests. If you do want to meet someone, online dating is the most efficient way. At least try it before you decide it isn't for you. You can ask to take things slow and stipulate "friends first." You may surprise yourself; sometimes we don't know ourselves as well as we think.

 

You are way too young to be this closed off to new experiences.

[Pretzel]

I think asking yourself why you don't want to do things is a good idea. What does it boil down to? If you are honest with yourself, is it just that you are being lazy?

 

I know a lot of people who don't enjoy the dating process/game or whatever you'd like to call it, but it's one of those things you have to do and go through until it finally becomes worth it with that one who you just click with. It's like going to the gym. If you want results, put the effort in. On the other hand, I know people who actually like the dating PROCESS too, and are intrigued by meeting a new person each time. If you can convince yourself into that mentality with no expectations then that's even better.

 

If you want to fall in love, you have to put the effort in to make it more likely to happen. As wiseman said, indeed, some guy is not just going to fall out of the sky. Put yourself out there art courses, bars, parties, meet up groups. There's loads of things you can do to meet new people, it doesn't necessarily have to be online.

[DancingFool]

You are way too young to categorically state that you absolutely will not do this or that. Besides, being so closed off to possibilities, how could you possibly have anything other than the poor results that you have? It's not that you have a hard time it's that you are not receptive to it. To find love, you actually have to be open to it and open to meeting people literally anywhere.

 

A friend of mine met her now husband at a gas station. She was driving her antique car. He was filling up. They started talking about her car. He is an antique car enthusiast himself. One thing led to another and the rest is history. They've been happily married for 10+ years now. They share a passion together and seem to be each other's best friend. A very strong couple.

[Pretzel]

A friend of mine met her now husband at a gas station. She was driving her antique car. He was filling up. They started talking about her car. He is an antique car enthusiast himself. One thing led to another and the rest is history. They've been happily married for 10+ years now. They share a passion together and seem to be each other's best friend. A very strong couple.

 

I love this!

[mbee]

You sound like me when I was your age 7 years ago. I had an idea of how I wanted to meet someone and really wanted to be friends first. The other posters are correct. You are too young to be this closed off to meeting people in different ways. If anything, this is the time to really start taking risks and meeting people in all sorts of ways. Go out and socialize. Join clubs, volunteer, go out and meet new people in fun and different ways. Try online dating but if you feel put off to it, just rarely use it. I used to do that when I was younger. I'd have the profile and keep it up but wouldn't log on daily or anything like that.

 

I'd actually look beyond love and ask yourself what you want out of life. Do you want to travel the world? Go back to school? Start a career in something? Focus on understanding yourself better and stepping out of your comfort zone in other ways other than in love. Take risks. Do something different. You'll find that as you push your boundaries, it will become much easier to open yourself to the possibilities of love. You can't create your own love story but you can create a life that is open and receptive to love.

[DancingFool]

I love this!

 

Ha yes and they are too funny about it. How did you meet? Filling up gas. Huh? What? No really, literally filling up gas....giggle...... Never gets old.

 

They are both so utterly car crazy that I don't think they could ever be with a "normal" person as it would cause all kinds of conflicts, but since they are both so into it, it's actually like superglue in their relationship.