Is he worth it?

[MMGG0612]

When I started college, 3 years ago, I met this boy, a classmate. We liked each other since the beginning. We became friends and I found out he had broke up with his ex less than one month before we met, that he still had feelings for her and he was emotional unavailable. But I was stupid and I didn't care.

 

At the beginning, we started to kiss each other on parties (sorry, I'm not a native English speaker, so I don't know the expressions very well haha) without commitment for a few monts. I wasn't emotionally available either at this time, so I was OK with that. Then, he suddenly came back to his ex. I was kinda OK with that, too.

 

He only stayed with her 2 months and, when they broke up, we were back together again (a way TOO early). But it didn't worked as well as before. There were too much jealousy from both sides at this time. I fell for him and I wanted him to treat me like I was his girlfriend. But he would say he wasn't ready. But he was jealous. Then I would get mad, provoke him, he would get mad, provoke me, we would argue and we would end up crying. I couldn't stand the situation anymore and I "broke up" with him 2 years ago. He wasn't happy about it, but he accepted it.

 

It took one year for me to get over him. It was harder than I thought it would be. He's a classmate, I see him everyday. It was harder then it was when I broke up with my last ex-BOYFRIEND. At this time, he went back to his ex and then broke up again and again. I would just stay away from him.

 

Eight months ago, he broke up with her again. He said there's no way he would ever go back to his ex and blah blah blah. I'm not that stupid anymore, and I said "no". He tried several times, but I didn't change my answer.

 

Surprisingly, they broke up for real this time.

 

Four days ago, we went to a college party and he came to talk to me. He said he was sorry, that it was all his fault, he was stupid to lose a girl like me, that I'm gorgeous, that he misses our friendship, that in the last months he met a lot of girls and none of them were like me, and a lot of personal stuff. I couldn't answer it, I just cried (yeah, I did it

 

He's texting me all the time since Thursday (and I'm answering it, so, we're chatting all the time), and of course I'm confused about it. I didn't kiss him yet. There are cons like "it didn't work before", "it was too hard for me to get over him" and "I don't know how much he likes me". And pros "he's not emotionally unavailable anymore" "he's treating me better than ever" "He's the best guy I've met on the last 3 years" " I hate to admit it, but I still like him and I want to try."

 

Ps.

1. He's my classmate and before it happened we were friends.

2. I don't think it's for sex, because he knows I only had sex with my exes and I wouldn't do it with someone who's not my boyfriend.

3. It's really difficult to me to fall in love and to get over people.

 

What would you do? Is he worth it? How can I don't get too attached? I'm so confused!!

[Aarontmarshall]

Hey there,

 

This guy sounds as if he has no idea who or what he wants when he is in a relationship. Why would he keep breaking up with both you and his ex if he knew what he wanted? He is clearly lost. I would suggest to tell him that he needs to think over exactly what he wants and I would suggest for the two of you to remain friends until he can sort his head out. If you feel that you can't just be friends with this guy then I would stay well away from him until he really decides whether or not the two of you can work on a proper, healthy relationship.

[ParisPaulette]

It would not be worth it to me, that someone who couldn't even take the time to get over an ex before engaging me in activity only to then knock me around about his own screwups in that area, now wanted a second chance. Because it says something about how selfish the guy is. Also his getting jealous of you when he was still engaged with another woman, is another indicator of a selfish nature. He wanted a harem and didn't want to share, but you were supposed to sit there on a shelf while he made up his mind?

 

Are you kidding me? It sounds like he couldn't get the ex back, so now he's so desperate to not be alone and to really heal and fix himself that he's after you again. But that's not love. That's called, "I am so selfish that I won't take other people's feelings into consideration, only my own."

 

No, I would not try with him again. This is the type of person who burns you, and badly. Because it always about them and what they want, never you.

 

I'd tell him I choose not to engage with someone who wasn't honest enough to stay single and work through his last relationship before trying to rope me into a triangle. Then I'd delete and block him, ice him out at school, and move on.

 

Otherwise yeah, you're going to be back on this board again when he either tries to go back to the ex again or pulls in a new girl to start a triangle with. Sane, normal emotionally healthy people do not do to others what he did to you. Do you really want to sign up for more of that down the line?

 

P.S. If he'd been broken up with her for at least six months to a year I'd give you a different answer, but they haven't been broken up for very long and here he is trying to monkeybranch on to the next girl instead of taking the time to really heal from his last relationship. Worse, he's badmouthing her when he had a pretty big hand in it all, and is far from blameless himself. Do you really want to be the next ex he jerks around and badmouths others to? Plus fighting when you should have been in the honeymoon stage? Yeah, no way. Too much drama. Only engage if you are totally okay with more of what went on the first time, he hasn't changed his spots. It's just the other girl is now not there, so he needs someone to fill the spot. But what happens when he gets jealous of her moving on or she decides she wants him back?

 

He hasn't even been single long enough for that to no longer be an issue. He couldn't let go of her the last time when he'd barely invested in her, what makes you think he can do that now, when they've been together for a long time. Plus dang, I feel bad for her. Look at it from her side. Did he treat her right either? Nope. It appears to always be all about him, he doesn't care what he puts the women in his life through. Selfish, no?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to say but it sounds like he's using you as backup plan when he doesn't have a gf. It would be best to get over him or continue an on/off or fwb situation. If he really wanted to be with you all these other girls wouldn't have come first..

we went to a college party and he came to talk to me. He said he was sorry, that it was all his fault, he was stupid to lose a girl like me I hate to admit it, but I still like him and I want to try.

[MMGG0612]

(They broke up 8 months ago)

[SeptemberSylv]

Something to be cautious about...

 

I mean the thing is you have written about what he wants and what he says

 

WHAT DO YOU WANT??

 

 

I'm no psychic, but I think you want something along the lines of:

 

Loving, stable boyfriend.

 

 

I think the main thing is if you don't go and meet other people you don't know who else is out there and how they might make you feel. You might have feelings for this 'confused guy' but if you don't go out with other guys you'll never know what could be and if your feelings for him are just a reflection of the loneliness in your life.

 

It is possible that you could date 20 other guys and you don't feel the same about them as you do about this guy. It is possible

 

But I think you could find someone else who makes you feel special and isn't all over the place

Good luck

[catfeeder]

He wouldn't be worth it to me.

 

Respect yourself.