gommario007 Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 My GF broke up with me a 1,5 week ago after 1,5 years when she claimed that she was never that happy in her life, she broke up with me saying that it is not the same as it was before. Week before her mother called me if my EX is fine. Recently she had mood swings because her father has lung cancer and has maximum 2-3 months . We are still living together because we rented flat 5 months ago. After the break up she acted very angry for 3 days after that we had normal conversation about the situation regarding us and her dad. She is really devastated by knowing that her dad will be here only for 3 months (her dad was for her hero). After that I agreed to move out for few days to give her space. We had good conversation she hugged me when I was living saying that I will see our dog very frequently. Then I had to go to my parents she told that she will be with her mom for this time being. Now I have to go back to my flat. I am not sure if we can get back together in this situation (I would like to be her support but if she doesn’t want I will respect. Because I think that after I move our or she moves out it is DONE for good, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beternal Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 It sounds to me like all this isn't really a relationship issue but more a trauma issue. Give her time and shower her with support, assistance, care and consideration whenever she needs it as a friend and hey, it might work out for you. Don't get your hopes up but that's the way to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gommario007 Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 She is also taking Remood, Lexaurin and Mirtazapin. She stopped Lexauring 4 weeks ago without confirmation from hers doctor. I will give her support thats for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beternal Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 All those drugs have a range of side effects, especially mood-related ones. Hopefully when she's off these, she'll perk up a little and be more receptive to you comforting her. As I said though, try not to go into this with intentions at the moment, just be there for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gommario007 Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 That is correct, she told me on Sunday that she needs to be at least 2 days alone. Now I need to somehow let her know that I will come tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gommario007 Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 Do you think that I should contact her or just come home? EDIT: to giv her free space without need to reply me or receiving any messages from me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Pick a habit that you will do always and that doesn't require a response from her. Having a sense of security at this time is important, and you being reliable and predictable and stoic will enhance that secure feeling. So, for example, you could text every morning, at the same time, not I love you sorts of things, which might feel clingy, but maybe photographs, or quotations, or passages from an author. Like a little package on her doorstep, only by text. Re the flat, she expects you to be staying there, right? I think you just go home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gommario007 Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 This is golden advice! I mean really! Thank you for that! She expects me to be out for a while (home with my parents) but I couldnt be specific so I told her I will give her space as much as it will be possible. But tomorrow I must leave. EDIT: she told me that her mom will be there with her in my absence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 For now, that's all you can do, give her space if she needs it, but also let her know that you are there if she needs anything or someone to talk with. She sounds like she's going through a lot right now and isn't thinking clearly. Continue to let her know that you will be a support for her but that you will also give her space is she needs. If you're not sure what to do, just ask her and follow her lead on what will work best for her. You sound like a very understanding and caring person, I hope it works out for you, but she is under tremendous stress and her fathers death will change her. Don't take her change personally or feel that you were not worthy or that you did wrong. Life happens and sometimes there is nothing we can do about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gommario007 Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 Thank you for your advice. I will give her space if she needs it for sure. I am not sure how should I act right now since I couldnt tell her when I will actually come to ours. Gommario Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I understand. You want to tell her but you don't want to pressure her. Just give things time right now and see how things go. She was your friend to begin with and couple or not, she will still remain your friend, so hopefully you can talk to her when the time is right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gommario007 Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 So appearing without letting her know tomorrow is the probably correct way how to do it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Sorry to hear this. It sounds like the grief/stress on top of the anxiety/mood disorders are overwhelming her. Allow her to stay with her parents for comfort and let her contact you, but give her space. Work out what you want to do about who moves out, who pays who the remainder of the lease, etc. Interestingly she seems to point to the relationship itself and her unhappiness in general as the cause, not the news of her father's prognosis. If she wants it over for relationship reasons, don't use "comforting her" as a reason to stick around. she claimed that she was never that happy in her life, she broke up with me saying that it is not the same as it was before. I have to go back to my flat. I am not sure if we can get back together in this situation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I know my reply is a bit late, apologies, but is there no way to text her first and ask if it's okay to come by? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gommario007 Posted January 25, 2017 Author Share Posted January 25, 2017 I sent her message that I will come today in the evening because I have to. She told me that she didnt think it was only temporary... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gommario007 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 Update: - came home yesterday, she asked me if I could buy her something to eat, I did - home was total mess, not cleaned, just mess... she obviously didnt eat a lot - I asked her that time if she can contact flat owner to tell him that the rent will be on her (he doesnt want to let her to be on the agreement, he said to you or nobody, not your ex) - after that we had good conversation she was eager to tell me everything she did when we did not see each other and she was kinda asking about me - after that I left to my friends for 2 hours Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 So you are the one moving out for good? Is she ok covering the rent since your name is on the lease?- I asked her that time if she can contact flat owner to tell him that the rent will be on her he doesnt want to let her to be on the agreement, he said to you or nobody, not your ex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gommario007 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 She didnt contact him.. even though she wanted.. she will not cover the rent EDIT: I am on the lease, she doesnt want to speak about me moving out and her paying the rent or something.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Confusing. Who's is staying where? Can she move to her mother's? Or are you going to continue living together?She didnt contact him.. even though she wanted.. she will not cover the rent. I am on the lease, she doesnt want to speak about me moving out and her paying the rent or something.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gommario007 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 We are living together... still.. I am trying to move out but there is 2 months of notice period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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