My ex contacted me. What does he really wants from me?

[Rebeca]

Hello, friends. I haven't posted in about a month or two. If you want details you can read my other posts about my breakup. In short, I was with a guy for 2 years (we are 19 now, we were our firsts) , then he left me, he came back to me after a month of breakup, professing his love for me. It didn't last long, we broke up after 2 weeks from what I can remember. He wasn't that great, we were very different but I loved him so much. I always begged for him and pleaded for him up until the end when I could see there is nothing that I could do to change his mind. We broke up last time in September. From then I tried initiating no contact, unfriending him from face book but not blocking him. We had, however, some contact whenever I would bump into him at a party ( we have similar interests in matters of music). Obviously I think his thoughts were that I was following him even though it wasn't the case but how could he think otherwise if up until recently I was crying over him.

 

Anyway, Christmas came and I received a friend request from him, a Christmas wish and then some long texts. He slightly and subtly mocked me because that's his style but otherwise he told me how he missed talking to me, asking me how are my nights, telling me his aren't so right, he keeps having nightmares for some reasons. He also told me that he would love to come to a concert of my choir and see me sing. Things like this. I responded coldly and then said to him that it is late and I have to sleep. He said to me that he is happy that I wrote him back.

 

He was liking my face book photos (all of them) that I was tagged in before we were friends again on fb. Not that it is so important but I thought I should mention that.

 

I know he is seeing another girl. I don't know if they are officially together or just hanging out.

 

My question is: Why would a dumper feel the need to contact the dumpee after just some months and tell them that they sort of miss them? I have two situations in mind:

 

1) He actually moved on completely ( he is the dumper so he heals faster) and he wanted to rekindle just our friendship. In which case I still don't understand it. Why would a dumper want friendship with someone that they left BECAUSE they didn't like how they were thinking, didn't have a lot in common or were fighting a lot? ( that is what he have said to me besides many, many ty things). We were never best friends. I was there for him to support him emotionally and we were close, but we never had such a deep connection, maybe just in the beginning of our relationship. Why would he feel the need to contact me and tell me all those sweet things if he is happy with that girl or at least have somebody where he finds comfort. I understand that if the friendship between two people was strong before but the romantic life didn't last, there is a good chance that after some long time, those two people could be just friends. But I feel like it is too soon for me to step in that kind of relationship with him and even if I were to be moved on, I still wouldn't choose his friendship, he hurt me too much.

 

Isn't he selfish for contacting me even though he knows I may not be over him yet? I am quite sure he knows it...

 

2) He contacted me just for an ego boost and to see if I was still not over him just because it makes him feel good. It could be this because he can be quite often an egotistic, arrogant person who thinks with superiority about himself. But that means he did it on purpose. My paranoic mind is imagining him laughing his ass off while writing me those sweet things...

 

Both situations hurt and confuse me. Why would a dumper want contact with the dumpee especially if the first one can live without the latter's friendship? Speaking about me, I don't need his friendship. I wish I could block him now and tell him that I don't want his friendship but I am afraid I would seem more desperate and hurt. If I am truly moved on it shouldn't bother me that much. But I am not moved on and I still cry night after night because of him.

 

What should I do now? I don't want to give him satisfaction.

[Andrina]

It's not about him or why he did what he did or what he will think of whatever behavior you now exhibit. The fact is that he doesn't care that he intruded on your life and set you back to square one for closure. Don't care what he will think when you block him. He's insignificant and in your past. He treated you like a yo-yo, dumping you twice.

 

What matters is your closure so that you can emotionally move on. Block him. If you can't, either change your number or message him and tell him to lose your number because you never want to hear from him again. No explanation needed. If you see him at an event, you can reply with a pleasant hello, but if he tries to engage in conversation, excuse yourself. Take care.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but teen romances can generate a lot of attachment. Being together too young for too long can cause people to want to be free and do the things they want to and need to do rather than continue to be tied down way too young. Enjoy your freedom.

 

The best thing you can do is avoid, ignore, block, delete, unfriend and unfollow him and go strict no contact. If you run into each other ignore him and enjoy everyone else around and yourself.

 

He sounds like sort of a jerk, no? Maybe now you're finally seeing this? Who sends mocking texts to an ex?

 

Never ever accept this nonsense and being demoted to fwb, hookups attempts, ego boost, etc. It's also time for you to start dating decent guys.

We broke up last time in September. I received a friend request from him, a Christmas wish and then some long texts. He slightly and subtly mocked me