Is it too late?

[hgriffin]

So last week my friend asked me if I would like to attend a casual dinner party/going away party with him. On our ride there he let me know he brought me because he wanted to set me up with one of his colleagues (he knew if he told me advance I wouldn’t have gone, because I’m really not actively seeking to find anyone). When we got to the house, I was instantly attracted to my friend’s colleague. He was my physical type to a T. Once we started talking, we had pretty instant chemistry, too. The last time I had felt so instantly compelled by a man, I dated him for many years and we are still good friends.

 

As the night progressed, he and I spent hours talking. He then asked me if I would like to go into another room and he kissed me, and no surprise, it was incredible.

 

At this point, everyone at the dinner party had had way more to drink than we all anticipated, so everyone decided to spend the night. I’m sure you can foreshadow where this goes, but he and I ended up sharing a bedroom. I never, ever hook up with men before being exclusive, unless we mutually agree that we are casually hooking up and there’s no prospect of a relationship. I made it explicitly clear I would not be sleeping with him, and I slept with all my clothes on. He respected this.

 

In the morning, he woke up rather hungover so I ran out and grabbed him so food and caffeine and he was so appreciative. We ended up spending all morning talking and he and I just get along rather well. He asked me if I wanted to get lunch with him, and I happily agreed.

 

Lunch turned into drinks, drinks into dinner, and we ended up spending the night together. The next day, we got breakfast and just hung out and talked until I had to leave for a work obligation. Before I left he made plans to meet me for dinner one day during the week.

 

Within minutes of me leaving, he texted saying thanks for the really unexpected and great two days. Since then, he has briefly texted me each day to chat, as well.

 

Now, this man is not only physically completely my type, but on an emotional level he is, as well. I am a bit of an old soul, I’ve experienced way more of life than most peers my age, and professionally, I am pretty accomplished, and I find so much passion and fulfillment with my career. I find it hard to connect with people on this level, as most people I meet just work a job for a paycheck. I certainly want to see where this goes, because our connection so far is quite lovely.

 

He is, however, according to my friends whom are friends with him, known to be a player. Apparently over the last 6 or so months, though, he’s been expressing to them that he’s ready to settle down and wants to get married again.

 

My concern is that I’ve already sealed my fate as being seen as just some casual fling by spending so much time so quickly together. I was hoping that someone can give me an outside perspective on whether anyone sees any red flags and/or any advice on how I can (re) direct this onto an actual dating track.

[Wiseman2]

Sounds like it's going great. Just keep seeing each other and enjoy. You can slow down the pace somewhat. Try not to listen to hearsay and assess things for yourself.

 

Base things on how they are going in terms of dates, chemistry, communication, etc., not arbitrary rules.

He asked me if I wanted to get lunch with him, and I happily agreed. Lunch turned into drinks, drinks into dinner, and we ended up spending the night together. The next day, we got breakfast and just hung out and talked until I had to leave for a work obligation. Before I left he made plans to meet me for dinner one day during the week. Within minutes of me leaving, he texted saying thanks for the really unexpected and great two days. Since then, he has briefly texted me each day to chat, as well.

[stephanie86]

You can always just have fun. You sound very confident, just don´t loose that or your self and keep in control of your life. It sounds like a fun opportunity. Players can change too. Just give him a chance and take it slow. Good luck!

[CurlyQSue]

You aren't just a fling for a player so far it seems. If he is ready to move on from his past....don't hold it against him. He has done nothing wrong to you and as you said he seems pretty respectful of your wishes. I see nothing wrong with continuing and seeing where things go. Just with all things....be smart about the choices you make and hopefully things work out!

[catfeeder]

My concern is that I’ve already sealed my fate as being seen as just some casual fling by spending so much time so quickly together. I was hoping that someone can give me an outside perspective on whether anyone sees any red flags and/or any advice on how I can (re) direct this onto an actual dating track.

 

When you say 'fling,' does that mean you had sex with him the second night?

 

I can appreciate your concern about this stretch being too-much-too-soon. That can oversaturate a person into needing breathing room. This doesn't necessarily occur during the stretch itself, but rather, afterward it can leave less of a desire to spend more time together right away.

 

I'd pull back on initiating contact, and respond to his kindly but briefly. I'd see how your scheduled date goes, and if he follows through as planned, I'd keep that one short and sweet--regardless of how well it might want to roll into another big stretch.

 

If he cancels or postpones the scheduled date, I'd avoid pressing to reschedule right away. I wouldn't dive into mind spins about it, I'd just back burner the guy for a while out of respect for his need to move beyond the oversaturated feeling and regroup.

 

This may or may not have killed your chances, I'd allow time to speak to that. If he continues to demo interest, I'd move things onto a more even keel.

 

Head high, and I hope this works out for you. What a great way to start the new year!

[hgriffin]

When you say 'fling,' does that mean you had sex with him the second night?

 

I can appreciate your concern about this stretch being too-much-too-soon. That can oversaturate a person into needing breathing room. This doesn't necessarily occur during the stretch itself, but rather, afterward it can leave less of a desire to spend more time together right away.

 

I'd pull back on initiating contact, and respond to his kindly but briefly. I'd see how your scheduled date goes, and if he follows through as planned, I'd keep that one short and sweet--regardless of how well it might want to roll into another big stretch.

 

If he cancels or postpones the scheduled date, I'd avoid pressing to reschedule right away. I wouldn't dive into mind spins about it, I'd just back burner the guy for a while out of respect for his need to move beyond the oversaturated feeling and regroup.

 

This may or may not have killed your chances, I'd allow time to speak to that. If he continues to demo interest, I'd move things onto a more even keel.

 

Head high, and I hope this works out for you. What a great way to start the new year!

 

Yes, I slept with him on the second night.

 

I haven't initiated any contact, partially because my days are insane with work and I rarely take the time to send a text unless it's important, and partially because I want to let this happen naturally, and allow the anticipation to build.

 

Fortunately, he did text me this morning to confirm our date this evening, so fingers crossed this evening goes well.