Sportster2005 Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 As a male who's tried numerous dating services I think it's because there's an expected level of trust before a woman will meet with them. Usually if I try to get to the meeting up and going out on a date stage too quickly they always ignore it or say they need to 'get to know me better first' which usually initiates a lot of pointless texting. I think the fact that people are so hesitant to meet up with people they don't know well makes it so frequent digital communication feels necessary beforehand. I personally don't think you can know someone very well from texting other than a few miscellaneous details. Interesting perspective. I don't if it's an age or other demographic difference, but my experience is usually the exact opposite. I chat in a couple of emails, offer to meet publicly and almost always get a yes. If they want to email, or text more, I generally move on. You can establish trust and interest quicker and more accurately in person. The cynical side of me thinks 'get to know better' really means "I'm not terribly interested but would like to keep you around". Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 If I don't want to text, I don't. Being able to SMS someone any time of day doesn't entitle you to their attention on a whim. Adults understand this. Communicate at the pace you want to. Shouldn't merit a statement or discussion. Yes and no. We can't assume the other person is, or can be, on the same page as us without a statement or discussion. You're only looking at one perspective. A man texting a woman may not be demanding attention on a whim. It can be quite the opposite. He could feel he is showing attention and interest by sending a couple of texts throughout the day. The reality is if you just assume it's all about adults and whims, you might be missing out on a conventional and popular way to let someone know you're thinking of them. I don't mind the odd text to break up the day. Especially if I'm very interested. But I will offer to have more important conversations for later, if I'm busy, or think the conversation is more important it needs face to face. I also like to send the odd text. But I don't know how receptive the other person is until I try, or ask. Usually I just ask. There is no right or wrong. Just different. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Yes and no. We can't assume the other person is, or can be, on the same page as us without a statement or discussion. You're only looking at one perspective. A man texting a woman may not be demanding attention on a whim. It can be quite the opposite. He could feel he is showing attention and interest by sending a couple of texts throughout the day. The reality is if you just assume it's all about adults and whims, you might be missing out on a conventional and popular way to let someone know you're thinking of them. I don't mind the odd text to break up the day. Especially if I'm very interested. But I will offer to have more important conversations for later, if I'm busy, or think the conversation is more important it needs face to face. I also like to send the odd text. But I don't know how receptive the other person is until I try, or ask. Usually I just ask. There is no right or wrong. Just different. I'm not suggesting being something you're not however. If you have wildly different views on texting, that itself can be an issue. Stated more simply can texting pattern/communication be accommodated by both parties if they are not too wildly different. It should be simply 'seeking clarification'. If we did this more, there would probably be more budding relationships. Ugh didn't mean to reply to my own post....... but to edit existing... Link to comment
albie Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Texting too much is a potential turn off for me as a guy. It kills the anticipation of online dating. A guy who is a bit insecure will probably text a lot. As a girl, you will probably get more matches/messages compared to the guys out there. After setting up a date, the insecure guy will want to circulate in the girl's orbit to make sure she doesn't forget him or some other guy might message her and hijack the potential date. Personally, I would set a date and say " Great, I'll see you at xxx on Friday. Text me when you take the metro/cab on the day. Bye." Thats it and don't respond after that. You have a busy life and cannot respond to texts all day. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 say they need to 'get to know me better first' which usually initiates a lot of pointless texting. I personally don't think you can know someone very well from texting other than a few miscellaneous details. ] Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Personally, I would set a date and say " Great, I'll see you at xxx on Friday. Text me when you take the metro/cab on the day. Bye." Thats it and don't respond after that. You have a busy life and cannot respond to texts all day. While I think it's okay and even good sometimes to send a quick text just to touch base, I kind of like this^ idea too! Direct and to the point! How refreshing. Wait and get to know each other on the actual date! If there is a connection and you start to date, then you can kick it up a notch and start touching base during the day (or night) but agree texting ad nauseum throughout the day just gets tiring at least for me, would rather save my energy for when we meet face to face. Even my bf and I are starting to slow the emails down. We used to touch base every morning and maybe once or twice throughout the day, but we've cut back and now just wait until we see each other in person. I like it better! Builds anticipation and that "can't wait to see you" feeling. Link to comment
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