someone please help me--between 2

[gem2]

Hi reader,

 

so i'll make this as short as i can.

I had a bf of 6 years, we broke up in december 2015 because i found him on a dating site while we were together.

after breaking up, i met a new guy like a month later. i didn't want anything with Mr. new, but Mr. new pursued and pursued and i gave him a chance, and although the relationship we had was short, Mr. new made me feel like i had never ever before in the 6 years with my ex.

Mr. new ended things with me after 2 months, because he said he still thought i had feelings for my ex and he wasn't down to be anything but the main dish, not a side option.

so after Mr. new ended things with me, i was heartbroken because there are very very few guys like Mr. new--complete gentleman, fun, loving, romantic, great family and utterly genuine and the list can go on and on.

Mr. new and i stayed friends, then my ex came back into picture and we started hanging out again.

fast forward to the summer, i'm still single and have feelings for both Mr. new and my ex.

Mr. new however meets a girl and starts dating her and we kinda stop talking.

My ex and i get back about 2 months later, in the fall, after being broken up 10 months.

my dilemma is that i know i love my ex, now bf again, with all my heart and life would suck without him and it's hard to imagine, but i feel like we're on different levels. i want more seriousness than he does, like to live together or get engaged, after all it is going to be 7 years of a relationship, but he wants that later on in life and i'm already in my mid 20s and tired of only seeing him like only 3-4 times a week. i'm not in college anymore, i want a relationship like most of my friends have, that they live with their bfs and talk about marriage and buying houses and having kids. whenever i talk about that with my bf, he steers away from the topic and it's never really a founded answer, it's always, what's the rush?

anyway, Mr. new ended things with his summer fling and i ran into him a few weeks ago and i realized my feelings for him never left.

is it possible to love 2 people at the same time?

i feel like i'm cheating my bf, although i haven't done anything recently with Mr. new, because my heart is in two places.

what do i do? i feel like i'm going crazy...how can i feel so strongly for 2 men?

i don't want to keep feeling like this.

i've tried cutting all contact with Mr. new since i got back with my ex, but it's like my subconsciousness doesn't allow me, i feel the need to talk to Mr. new and see how he is doing.

please advise on what to do feeling like this sucksssss so much

 

thank you

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like your bf/ex hasn't changed is mind about 'nothing serious' since his Tinder days. Are you sure the new guy wants to date you again?

 

Sadly you may believe 'you love them both' but neither of them take you seriously because you are bouncing back and forth. If you think bf/ex is still stringing you along, break up for good. Why not start with a clean slate?

Mr. new ended things with me after 2 months, because he said he still thought i had feelings for my ex. they live with their bfs and talk about marriage and buying houses and having kids. whenever i talk about that with my bf, he steers away from the topic and it's never really a founded answer, it's always, what's the rush? i've tried cutting all contact with Mr. new since i got back with my ex, but it's like my subconsciousness doesn't allow me, i feel the need to talk to Mr. new and see how he is doing.

[SooSad33]

I heard a saying once..... " If you love more than one, then you love neither enough".

 

You, my dear went into OVER drive.. when you were so far from ready.

 

You moved into a New relationship.. with Mr New.. way too fast-- called a 'Rebound'.

No.. you were not over your last relationship.. so were UNable to 'give' to the new one.

 

What you NEED right now is to back off BOTH of them and work on YOU.

 

I dont think you see what is going on.

 

Do you see the part where you 'wanted to have a real relationship'.. with your Ex. who came back after a few months?

Where , like your friends.. living with their bf's and engaged.. ETC.

 

Slow down !!!

 

YOU are NOT them. You are not living their Lives.. you are living YOURS... Only Yours.

 

So Stop this!

 

 

You NEED to get a grip on reality.. and get a grip on yourself and your life.

 

You ARE very confused right now.. mentally & emotionally and No where near the part of getting engaged.. living with someone.. etc.

 

What you DO need to realize is you are now torn between TWO men.. and are far from stable or the idea of being engaged, etc.. at this time in your life.. BECAUSE you just had a rebound and are now dealing with the effects of TWO broken relationships.

 

So.... the BEST thing for you now.. is to take some down time!! Seriously.

 

You need to work on YOUR emotions.. of all that has happened to you in the last year.

No, you can't just push from one onto another-- obviously. You're confused.. you're hurt... you're confused.

 

And the last thing you need at this time in your Life.. is to get involved.. again.

 

If you do not want to keep feeling like this.. back off both of them... and work on YOU.

Take time away from all of that.. work on getting yourself back together.. otherwise you're just stuck in one BIG confused loop of emotions... leading to insanity.

 

Admit you're troubled and need time off from all of this... sad mess.

 

You 'feel this need'// because you're confused & hurting.. Not sure what to do.... then STOP. Don't do it.

Dont do anything!

 

Because it's not fair.. on them..or on your emotional self.

 

As I mentioned... Stop everything.

Back off both.. for at least 3-6 months.. so you CAN work on yourself and your mental self.

 

You dont know if maybe.. feeling for one fades.. or grows again? But, NO.. you can't continue on with this.. and both.