Question about being in love.

[coolgirl]

So here is my question. Say your getting to know someone for a couple of months or weeks that feelings are getting stronger and stronger by the minute. Not only you find your self falling in love with that person as weeks or months go by. It doesn't matter whether it's in person or long distance either or. First question would it scare you that much to make you run off rather than being honest with that person? 2nd questions if your having constant bickering even though your in love with that person would you let them go and let it be as hard as it is to avoid any arguments and not drag it out more? Did I do the right thing by walking away before things escalated?

 

I guess what I am trying to say is the man I knew he only knew I had feelings for him but never knew I was in love with him. I think it was best not letting him know as hard as it is for me moving on from it and I have to some extent. I guess what im saying is that it makes it a little bit difficult to move on from someone that you were in love with .And sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with. Did, I do the right thing by not telling him i was in love with him ?

[Batya33]

What does "honesty" have to do with it -it's whether you share the information or not - did he ask you whether you are in love with him? My sense is no so there's no issue of honesty or dishonesty. If you two are not compatible in the long run because of the arguments then I don't think you need to share your feelings with him. Of course you can't help your feelings -not just love. You can control your reactions to your feelings.

If I had feelings of love for a person it would not scare me enough to "run off" and I would share the information not to be "honest" (because honesty has nothing to do with this) but to let the person know how I felt in an evolving relationship. More importantly I would show that I cared for him.

[coolgirl]

What does "honesty" have to do with it -it's whether you share the information or not - did he ask you whether you are in love with him? My sense is no so there's no issue of honesty or dishonesty. If you two are not compatible in the long run because of the arguments then I don't think you need to share your feelings with him. Of course you can't help your feelings -not just love. You can control your reactions to your feelings.

If I had feelings of love for a person it would not scare me enough to "run off" and I would share the information not to be "honest" (because honesty has nothing to do with this) but to let the person know how I felt in an evolving relationship. More importantly I would show that I cared for him.

 

No, he did not ask me. I choose not to tell him because I didn't want to end up being rejected and him not feeling the same with me. He only knew I had feelings for him and that's it and took him a year to tell me he felt the same. And i felt like i was being played by him. I was honest with him on how I felt towards him. Even though he told me he felt the same after a year he wouldn't had run off not knowing what happened. I only asked for a month break. If he was that uncomfortable with my being instead of being ignored I would had him tell me rather just plainly being ignored. I would rather him being honest with me rather than being disowned. I guess a part of me has a little bit of hard time letting go because of the way things were left and partially of it being in love with him.

[Batya33]

I am having trouble following your post but it sounds like you asked for a month "break" - break from what? Was he supposed to wait for you? Not date others? How did he ignore you? Didn't you ignore him for a month during your "break"? It's confusing because you want him to be ok with you ignoring him for a month but on the other hand he is supposed to tell you how he feels rather than simply being silent? I'm sorry you're disappointed but it sounds like your interactions with him were too full of drama and unhealthy.

[gebaird]

You definitely did the right thing by walking away. This relationship wasn't healthy, and telling him you loved him wouldn't have changed the outcome.

[coolgirl]

I am having trouble following your post but it sounds like you asked for a month "break" - break from what? Was he supposed to wait for you? Not date others? How did he ignore you? Didn't you ignore him for a month during your "break"? It's confusing because you want him to be ok with you ignoring him for a month but on the other hand he is supposed to tell you how he feels rather than simply being silent? I'm sorry you're disappointed but it sounds like your interactions with him were too full of drama and unhealthy.

 

I was going through a lot in my own life at that time so I asked him nicely I need space because at the same time we were getting on each nerves. He said okay. I told him i contact him after a month and I did to wish him a happy birthday. And when I tried to reach out to him numerous times he just simply wasn't replying to anything and I took the hint and let him be. And how is it I'm at fault here ? He's done this to me numerous times for a year of going back and fourth with me dropping on the face on earth and reappearing. And just because I asked for 1 month space suddenly I'm a bad person. I think it was best him not knowing anything at all and I'm glad I didn't tell him that I was in love with him. If someone you loved very much treated you with disrespect how would it make you feel? How would it make you feel is someone you loved very much ignore you with weeks or months at a time?

[Batya33]

I was going through a lot in my own life at that time so I asked him nicely I need space because at the same time we were getting on each nerves. He said okay. I told him i contact him after a month and I did to wish him a happy birthday. And when I tried to reach out to him numerous times he just simply wasn't replying to anything and I took the hint and let him be. And how is it I'm at fault here ? He's done this to me numerous times for a year of going back and fourth with me dropping on the face on earth and reappearing. And just because I asked for 1 month space suddenly I'm a bad person. I think it was best him not knowing anything at all and I'm glad I didn't tell him that I was in love with him. If someone you loved very much treated you with disrespect how would it make you feel? How would it make you feel is someone you loved very much ignore you with weeks or months at a time?

I don't think this is about fault or bad and good. This is about two people who are incompatible and on different wavelengths. You knew and interacted with him a short time and it sounds like you two were also long distance and that you didn't feel the same way about each other. When you're dealing with a short term interaction where the two people don't know each other very well it's unreasonable to expect him to wait for you for a month and to be there again when you decide to. E back on touch. He took it as more of a goodbye and that's his entitlement. Different of you were married or shared a family /. Then you two would have other obligations and responsibilities. You took the risk that after a month he would choose to move on. He did and so should you - nothing to do with fault or you as a person. You two are not compatible.

You also wrote you'd done this before? Well he had enough of that - some people would be fine with it (people with low self esteem I would think). He was not. And that's his choice and understandable.

[catfeeder]

It doesn't matter whether it's in person or long distance either or.

 

Yes, it matters. Unless and until you're in a relationship 'in person,' then it isn't them you're in love with, it's a fantasy you've built with your own mind 'around' your communication. That's not love. It's fantasy. So the sooner you walk away from that, the better, because it's as unhealthy as it gets.

 

First question would it scare you that much to make you run off rather than being honest with that person?

 

Depends on the context of the relationship and whether or not I've come to know him well enought to believe that we're good for one another. If not, why not?

 

2nd questions if your having constant bickering even though your in love with that person would you let them go and let it be as hard as it is to avoid any arguments and not drag it out more? Did I do the right thing by walking away before things escalated?

 

Yes, you did the right thing.

 

It takes two to bicker. Bickering requires feedback, or it's just one hand clapping. I don't bicker, I negotiate. If someone is just out to complain or try to make me feel as lousy as he feels, they he can do that all by himself.

 

Head high.