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Dealing with ex


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Hi guys new to this site, also using iphone so please bear with me here. I am currently in relationship with someone thats is 6+years older then me. We have been dating for 1 year now, and everything is going well so far. We really go well and have great time together and already planning things for the future. However here comes the odd part, so before we met and started dating she and her exfiance was supposedly gonna get married, waiting for 2 years since engagement, however she did not love him and didnt want to have children with him so she decided it was time to end it. Also she mentions she felt gulity like she was using him and he been by her side for past 10 years. Something extra we are asian couple so cultural influences, its not good to abandon someone who been there for you, its bad no no. Added info she very kind and would not like to hurt people even emotionally, she mentions he did not understand why and was very aggressive. So she also wants to keep our relationship on down low just incase her ex might do something rash. Just to mention she gotten comfortable with daily life through 10 years no stress, no crazy stuff but sometimes confused as to why she ended it. Also to add she did have affair in that 10 years because i guess she wasnt fully satisfied with everything. She mentions her exfiance has comfort and security but does not have love or passion or she doesnt want to have kids with him, extra but she does want to have kids soon. However she also said, they broke up happly not a bad break up so they are still friends, he was heart broekn. But somehow he yold her he will wait for her. And so fast forward recently she got invited to her friends wedding this year 2016, but on invitation has her ex name on it too. So she decided to call him ask him to come with. He of course like most men would ask if its alright with both sides then he doesnt mined, but problem here is that he doesnt know me and her is together.


Well my question if you guys and gals can help me with is:

What should i do about this conundrum i feel bad for the guy, but me and her are a thing, and i do keep it a secret from him cause she ask me too. She has lots of doubt and guilt i dont know how to help her deal with it, i could only make her laugh and briefly make her forget. So normally if your going to wedding wouldnt i go with her but she decide to ask her ex so im asking is it right for me to be a little mad? When i discuss this with her she said i am taking away her freedom like i am taking away her choices and enforcing her.i dont even know what i did to do that, i just wanted to ask her why ask her ex when im in her life now, doesnt she know its awkward even if ex doesnt know about us. I know with older women it might be little different from younger man but i really am confused as to how to figure out this problem. Do i have the right to feel little angry or mad, and how do i help her get past her history cause it huants her she thinks she is a horrible person, self blame or victim. I really want to help her cause i love this women, but right now it feels like she is pushing me away. Also added fact its her friends wedding so exfiance doesnt know them. What should i do guys how can i communicate throughly so we dont have misunderstandings? If more advice i would gladly welcome and appreciated thank you very much for your time.

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Unfortunately, regardless of "cultural loyalty", he is supposed to be an ex, right? She's dating you now, right?


So this nonsense about keeping things hush hush from him sounds very strange. What about "cultural loyalty" and respect for you?


Sadly, it sounds like she's feeding you a bunch of junk about "cultural loyalty" because she's really not over him or he's not really or completely "an ex".

she also wants to keep our relationship on down low just incase her ex might do something rash. i feel bad for the guy, but me and her are a thing, and i do keep it a secret from him cause she ask me too.
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