Just can't let it go

[Unluckyinlove]

Finally made it to the weekend, but this was a weekend without kids so we were supposed to be together. I am going to make myself go to the gym and work out and then go run some errands today, anything to try and occupy my mind.

I found out that there is no ex that is still tugging on her heart, and that there was no "deal breaker" as described by someone. Through a mutual friend, my gal said that everything about our time together was great and that I neither said or did anything to cause the split, other than my feelings for her and her lack.

Apparently she "tried" to have the same feelings for me but couldn't. I'm still puzzled as to why she would have to "try" at this point. The relationship was still in it's infancy.

I'll never figure it out and I know I should let it go, but I do know that my gal basically married her first love and was with him for 15 years. I'm only the 4th man she has ever been with. I know she has strong feelings for me, but could it be just a case of being scared and still wanting to see what's out there?

I'm still not going to contact her. It was very hard last night as we have a friend in the hospital and I wanted to talk to her very much about it. She really was my friend folks and I miss her. We would chat and email several times a day, everyday.

Our mutual friend thought that given time and some dating time that my gal might see what we had and come back. I'm doubtful, but part of me really wants to do NC as long as I can and then just subtley, after my emotions are more in check, see where she is at. Her birthday is in May, and if I haven't heard from her by then, I thought I'd still send just a simple "Happy Birthday" email and just let it go at that.

I don't know, I feel a little better today, but each day brings it's ups and downs.

I wish I hadn't mistaken her affection for me as something more. She made love to me like no one else and our time spent together was always affectionate. Sometimes while I was driving she would just take my free hand and hold it and carress it, I loved that. We'd sit on the couch and watch tv and just be wrapped up in each other rubbing and touching, it was amazing. After making love we would hold each other and talk and laugh. I just don't get it.

Oh well enough, that just takes me back and I don't need to do that to myself. God, I hope I get over this soon.

[avman]

It will take time. Cut yourself a bit of a break and let yourself grieve over the loss of the relationship. I know it can be really hard to accept that someone just leaves for no definable reason other than their feelings. We want to point to something specific and say "Ah ha, that's why they left. Now lets fix it." But feelings are notoriously fickle. They are either there, or they aren't. She may have indeed seen you as a great guy and everything in her head told her the relationship was great. But her heart just didn't listen to her head.

 

I think you're doing the right things to heal. Don't contact her. Even for her birthday, I'd suggest playing it cool. Keep yourself busy. Try not to overanalyze what happened. I know that is very difficult, but it only prolongs the pain. Go ahead and cry and miss her. You have to get it out of your system.

 

You might want to call up some guy friends and spend some time with them. It sounds like you could use their support with everything that is going on in your life. Good luck!

[Unluckyinlove]

Ya know, I would like to cry I really would, but I just can't seem to. I'll sit here and get teary eyed, like when I just read your post, but I just can't cut loose.

Maybe I just can't face it that's it over and if I cry I will be admitting that. The emotions are such a roller coaster. I read your post and know you are right. I read another post suggesting that there may be hope, albeit slim and I get all feeling good again.

The only chance I would ever have would be off in the distance when time and her feelings may give me another chance. I know it's not about me, it's where she is at and what she wants.

I know though that is a dream and that it will never happen.

I thought about going up to see my guy friends but that never accomplishes anything. It's nice to hang out, but they tend to drink a lot and I don't need to do that right now. I don't need to be around depressants like that. I need to be healthy and do healthy things for myself.

I hope I go back and read these posts someday and laugh at myself for being this way as I know someone is out there who will appreciate who I am and what I have to offer.

[avman]

As funny as it seems, theres nothing like a good cry to get the healing process moving along. Get out the pictures of you two together. Put on your favorite song together. Think about the loss of the relationship and how much you miss her. And just let go. Don't hold back. Have an all out cry fit complete with sobbing, snot dripping out of your nose, red face, and shaking hands. Give yourself permission. Holding it inside does nothing except eat at you.

 

Then when its over, you are going to feel a little bit better. You'll see things a little more clearly and realize you are a great guy and you deserve someone who is going to stand by your side.

[ocean9]

unlucky,

 

I'm doing NC myself right now. This is day 2 for me. There are others here doing this too. Let's all stick together and help one another through this!

[fltvvocds]

Found this site yesterday. Nice to know I am not alone. I read your story Ocean9 on another forum and it sounds a lot like mine. I am trying the NC too. I know it is the only way to get on with my life. I asked my friend to take away my keys and my phone for the weekend. I know I need to stay away but it hurts. Sucks so bad!!!! I work with her and so I dont know what to do at work to stay away. It feels like a drug and I just need another hit. I feel like a zombie when I get up from my desk and go over to talk to her.

 

Sorry to take away from your pain unlucky...just sucking on a fat piece of it myself...hang in there.

[ocean9]

flt,

 

Whoa, you work with her? That's got to be really hard! Can you switch departments or locations at all?

 

I'm going out tonight with a friend to stay the heck away from the phone and email. Maybe you could do the same?

 

We've got to get our lives back!

[fltvvocds]

ocean,

 

Probably could switch departments but I dont want to do that. I love my job. My NC starts over as of 30 minutes ago. ARGH!!! Going out to play pool tonite with my brother and a friend. I just want to get through until Monday. Then Tuesday... I know I am better than this, but it is so hard. The hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

 

I agree...take back our lives!!!!!!!!

[Scout]

It will take time. Cut yourself a bit of a break and let yourself grieve over the loss of the relationship. I know it can be really hard to accept that someone just leaves for no definable reason other than their feelings. We want to point to something specific and say "Ah ha, that's why they left. Now lets fix it." But feelings are notoriously fickle. They are either there, or they aren't. She may have indeed seen you as a great guy and everything in her head told her the relationship was great. But her heart just didn't listen to her head.

 

I really don't know what else to add to what Avman just said. I think it's a pretty apt explanation for why some people inexplicably end relationships with us - and why we've done the same thing ourselves. At any rate, whether we're on the giving or receiving end of one of these short-lived romances, it's never a pleasant realization to learn that despite all the positives, they don't add up to mutual commitment to a relationship by both parties involved.

 

But you will find someone that reciprocates your feelings if you don't let this incident close your heart off to finding love again.