The Dreaded FRIEND ZONE

[Muse18]

Good evening to all and i have a very long and extensive situation i am currently in that i cant read nor know what to do or say so I'll try my best:

 

I am a 25 year old guy and i am stuck in a girl who is the same age's friend zone. We dated in high school and meet at 16. I knew THEN she was the LOML, but we went our separate ways for college (i did want to go to her school, but she decided it was best i didnt). So we tried being friends while in college but i was too selfish and immature because i wanted her all to myself. So over the next 1-2 years our friendship got awful because of how i acted. Before it ended, she had moved on and got a new bf and etc, but i never could. Eventually when we were both like 20ish, she told me to delete her number because she couldnt take it anymore. In hindsight i dont blame her, i was being overbearing and even expressing hurting myself in a desperate attempt for her attention (extremely stupid i know, if i were her i would have done the same thing).

 

Fast forward 2-3 years later, i am still social media friends with her siblings and her profile would come across my account , i wouldnt add her but i did see she was in a relationship, and although it stung i was happy for her because she deserved it. I decided to give her a follow, why not? She accepted it, and i decided to have a small talk catch up in the private message. Nothing to extensive just how she was doing, hows her family etc. So by following her i see full as day she has a boyfriend, and it seemed serious because he didnt even live in the same state as us. So after a few months of following her, i had a extra ticket to a basketball game and decided to ask her if she wanted to go (with 2 of my other guy friends). I was expecting her to say no or cuss me out and block me because she still had a BF at the time, but decided why not try to see her one more time until she may be gone forever?

 

She actually happened to be in the city where the game was for her work and was down to go, and i was so shocked but she came and it was great, although i asked her what her plans were and she said she was going to move to the city where i knew her bf lived from social media. So i didnt show it but i was pretty deflated lol

 

After the game, she later asked me why i asked her out, and we ended up seeing each other the next week at the movies, and there she told me how she was looking at apartments where we live...i asked her "but i thought you were moving to city x?" and basically she said it ended.

 

She told after 3 years she wanted to ring commitment to move down there and he wasn't willing and this was the 2nd time he hesitated on something like this. So just like that shes single but i never tried to force or imply possibly trying to get back with me. I did want to be her friend first. One thing she told me is to not expect anything and she didnt want my feelings to get hurt.

 

So over the next handful of months we just been friends going to the movies or out to eat, nothing past that. One day i picked her up from the airport but her family was out of town, she was scared to stay home alone, and i offered to sleep on her couch just to make her feel safe and comfortable for the night. I drove out there and she actually told me to sleep in her bed that night. Long story short it was super awkward and i was so nervous. We never had sex even when we dated, and she later admitted it was awkward, but that next day told me how much she loved me and appreciated me.

 

I told her she was my best friend and she said i was her best friend but it scares her because "youre supposed to end up with your best friend (marry) but she doesnt know what she wants". ive maintained the entire time that i just want what she wants and for her to be happy. its no secret to her how i feel about her and have been "IN LOVE" with her and i would marry her right now if she was on board lol. She knows that but i havent been asking her to consider us again, and try my hardest to not bother her. Some women think i shouldnt make myself so available to her, but i cant help it, i love this women so much lol.

 

So just last week on the way back from the movies she rest her head on my shoulder in the car, but i didnt know if that meant anything, or shoud i grab her leg or something because shes also weird with being touched sometime.

 

So i ask you guys, what should i do, what signs should i pick up on? she wants me to get my own apartment because she said she wants to hang out and study after work (we both work in the same building but for different companies,...what are the odds).

 

I dont know what to do or think, ive literally havent dated another girl because even when we didnt speak my feelings for her were so strong i couldnt bring myself to like a girl enough to not waste her time and lead her on.

 

What should i do? feel, think, tell her, do, how should i make a move? or should i continue to play back? HELP!

[agent1607307371]

She knows that but i havent been asking her to consider us again, and try my hardest to not bother her.

 

Straight up tell her. She is not psychic.

[BridgetBurner]

Don't do anything, just be a friend and maybe find some other friends to hang with. She told you from jump not to expect anything, so don't. It could be that she's really comfortable with you as a friend. But don't put your social or dating life on pause for somebody that hasn't expressed mutual feelings. She knows how you feel, if she wanted more she'd go for it.

[gp11a]

One thing she told me is to not expect anything and she didnt want my feelings to get hurt.

 

What was the whole inviting you to her bed thing? Sounds like she has no idea what she wants now, just got out of a long relationship. Why was that awkward, did she expect you to cuddle, hug, etc? I think the awkwardness is just too much because of the elephant in the room - I think you are making yourself too available and she is finding you as safe. Not exciting, and she's probably curious what else is out there.

 

I don't think I could hang out with someone so often who didn't have unreciprocated strong feelings for me. It sounds like torture, but don't scare her away with any strong devotions of love. I'd try to meet other people, but keep in contact with her, maybe it will make her assess what you're doing and miss you some.

[Wiseman2]

Did you hookup or did she keep it in the friendzone during the sleepover? You have to tell how you feel rather than playing it so cool. She may think you just want to proceed to fwb or hang out as her male girlfriend.

 

Where you you live now? What does she mean you need to get your own place? Does she have her own place or live with her parents?

I drove out there and she actually told me to sleep in her bed that night.she wants me to get my own apartment because she said she wants to hang out and study after work.

[Zippy2000]

You shouldnt have used the term "best friend" with her if you want more than that.

 

You need to ask her out to be your girlfriend. All this investment will turn to resentment if you leave it too late to ask her. She`ll get confused and unsure of what your motives are.

 

Find out about where she is with her EX before you even go down this route.