Desperately need advice on my relationship with my "in-law" Warning long story.

[Polyphemous91]

So I really need some advice. Mostly to ease my overthinking.. I do that alot. It is a really long story soo please stick with me!

 

Ok so for years I have fallen victim to my dreams predicting my future. I'm new to these things so according to what I've read, its known as lucid dreaming. These dreams have occured for as long as I can remember. The most recent: I was in middle school and had a dream I met Eminem and Kanye at a gas station. A few years later (8th grade) I met Elise Neal at the Essence festival...shes a lol. In high school I had a dream I was sweeping a hardwood floor in a dark room. Years later (as a junior in college) I found myself having dejavu (did I spell that right??) SWEEPING THE SAME FLOOR AT MY OLD JOB AFTER CLOSING!!!

 

Ok..this is where it starts to get weird. (Side story: My senior year of high school I became bestfriends with my now girlfriend of 3 years. That fate and the stars aligning ...is scary.) We became close.. (I secretly love her at this point) and sophomore year of college I left my college bf due to a bunch of drama. (I was stayjng in his apartment at the time because I hated my family) I planned to stay with my grandmother (only sane person I know) and my girlrfriend offers for me to stay with her and her family. I'm in love with her so I say yes.

 

Ok back to the main story: while staying with her that summer we shared a bed in her room. I felt like it was weird for us until one night she asked to hold my hand while we sleept through the night... I never let go 😊😊. Later into that summer I had a dream we were kissing. Nothing too hardcore just us laying in a bed holding hands and kissing. Never thought that would happen because she had a bf and was being courted by someone else. I say courted because she's a hardcore lady. She didn't loose her virginity until freshman year. I was a bit confused because I was fast back then lol Alright...so we move out that summer to a house not to far from our university and moved again the following year. (Our roommate was a flake and we could not afford it at all.)

 

The second house that we moved into is where we began, two years after our softcore love affair and finally realizing my ex is not what's hot in the streets for me. So now were happy, we both have each other. Two years into the relationship I have a dream that her mother was standing over me watching me. It seemed as if I was on a boat or something. (BTW she never told her parents we were together because her dad hates gay people. He even questioned us two grown ass 25 year old out of college adults if we were together. Well obviously she lied and said we were just friends living together for the past 5 years. And then he bashes us.. In our own home. More on that later)

 

My girl used to work at disney so she got free tickets and of course she wanted me to go with her and her family. That was a terrible idea. Her mother treated me like the whole time. (I don't like to be bullied sooo imagine me staying the fu¢k away from her the whole trip. She even pissed bae off!! But it has nothing to do with me even though I tried to talk her up to her own daughter despite how she treated me!) Ok so after the trip her mom hosted a baby shower for a cousin and of course bay felt obligated to stay. Her mom is asking me about my new job. (At this point I was about to start grad school and got a job and was making decent money, I wasn't balling out of control but i was able to take care of us until it blew up.. different story.) She asked me how much I was making (very rude) and I told her (big mistake) and she told me "that aint " My first instinct was to say something like "oh ok well this aint money is paying all of your daughters bills." Or "why don't you stop sleeping with everyone and love your husband and not his money?? you old !!" yeah that would have fixed her.. But then I snapped back to reality realizing not only did I not want to cause a scene in front of all these bougie people, I just couldn't disrespect someone in their own house because if it were me it wouldn't fly. So angry but not to the point of violence.. I let it go. That night we stayed again and I had a dream that her mother was basically kicking me out . Which was weird because we dont live there. The next day before we leave my girlfriend tells me that her mother keeps pressuring her to move back home so she could be closer and get ready for vet school and even offered for me to stay. We cant do that for multiple reasons plus she can be closer and go to vet school without moving back in. So that came off to me as I hate your girlfriend and I want you move back in so I can kick her out. Remember the dream?? So now I mad because she's like trying to come between us although I have no proof. I talked to bae about it and it was always "nothing's wrong" but I knew she was lying.

 

Ok so fast foward. Her mother blocked me on facebook. I didnt realize I may have been blocked so I took it as she deleted me. She was stalking me on facebook and telling the family that I had been talking about her on fb. Im looking like why would I do that? Especially since 2/3 of her immediate family were my friends on fb. (Ok side note an ex coworker was a roommate of mine when we would travel to present our research. We went to seattle and she basically fu¢ked up and tried to take me down with her. And then tried to be my friend after and was still talking about me behind my back. I didnt say much on Facebook but I definitely let it be known that there is someone I don't fu¢k with because shes fake and a liar.) Soooo guess who took offense for some reason.. the pseudo mother in-law!! She was telling everyone that I was talking about her and tried to discredit me I guess to separate us. So I'm like why would she think this, your mother is insane. (Which she is..certifiable...but thats another story.) Baby love tells me it's because her mother has been talking about me. Starting rumours about us and smiling in my face introducing me as her second daughter for almost a decade. Her mom thought I was talking about her (bae got this from the sister. Although one day bae told me her mother tried to convince her to come home and when she said no her mom was like "I dont understand the connection between you and this girl" ...she should have known her mother knew and was probably telling her father.) Annd to top things off she also saw on Facebook me discussing sexuality with someone else and she told the pseudo father-inlaw.. Who of course hates gay people which led him to come to the house and confront us. After he told us there was no god for homosexuals (his words 😡 He told my love that she needed to have her things packed in two weeks and she's moving out and that he would pay her half of the bills until the lease is up. Which is funny because that means not only do they not know we are in a relationship, they don't know that she stoped working to go to school full time for prereqs and I was paying the bills (eventhough she couldnt go back to school because she needed financial aid because her father wouldn't pay for anymore school. But her mom lied about doing baes taxes for three years so now shes behind and cant get aid. Her mom wouldnt tell her ex-husband about offering and neglecting her taxes part but was adamant about telling him she was with a woman)

 

Ok here's the point... I have been forewarned about these past events via my dreams and honestly after seeing it all unfold before my very eyes freaks me out.

 

Ok the advice part Ummmm how do I get over her mom being a bit¢h?? I know shes her mother but everytime she is mentioned I get dry because shes evil and I could care less about her car troubles or how she keeps treating all of her family members like crap. (Its not just me. I just got the worst because she just hates me) bae would ask me if I want to go to Houston with her to visit and I'm like really?? I had to shut that down. Am I too bitter?? My mother says if I love her that being around her family should not be an issue.. But this is coming from a black woman who married a mexican man twice and was called a "n!gger" by her first mother-inlaw and second father-inlaw in that order. Im just not about that glutton for punishment life. What do I do?? Any advice??

[Wiseman2]

You need to break up and finds someone more compatible to date.

[Polyphemous91]

You need to break up and finds someone more compatible to date.

Oohhh.. See there's no breaking up. I'm in love with her and she honestly didn't do anything to deserve it Is it bad if I never speak to her parents again?? I honestly don't blame her father. Still mad because he treated both of us like we were children. But we knew he was a homophobe and so I can just imagine his mind racing wondering how long this has realy been going on. But her mother I can do without simply because shes insensitive and a manipulator. I refuse to even think about trusting her lol

[Wiseman2]

Well you'll both have your struggles with her parents.

she never told her parents we were together because her dad hates gay people. He even questioned us two grown ass 25 year old out of college adults if we were together. Well obviously she lied and said we were just friends living together for the past 5 years.

[catfeeder]

The best advice on this subject I've ever heard is, "When it comes to family, respectfully allow your lover to deal with theirs and you deal with yours. Be stupid and cheerful 'with' their family, and be a neutral sounding board 'about' them."

 

And that's it. It's all you need to do. If these people come into your home and say or do something that upsets you, remind yourself that you get to decide just how meaningful any of it 'must' be to you. Walk away if you need to in order to center yourself, but the bottom line is: you love your lover, not them, so why 'must' they matter to you?

 

If lover gets upset by them, stay out of it. Allow lover to vent to you and then say, "Wow. I understand. What do you want to do about this?" ...and then allow lover to work it through without you inputting your opinions--because the ONLY way 'these people' can come between you and your lover is if YOU take the bait.

 

So stop taking the bait, and chill.

 

Head high.