I feel like people belittle me? Feel really down about it :(

[Gaynor]

I'm 33 years old. I think I come across as stupid or something. I recently started a new job. It's as a receptionist. Sometimes when the other women ask me to do something or get something, and I don't know exactly what they mean, they say things like "oh what are you like!" And laugh. It's kind of good natured but I don't really know if it really is or not.

And sometimes when we are in conversation, il say something and they think it's so funny, and say stuff like, " you amuse me so much, don't change!" "Or you make such and such look intelligent, haha!"

I do have a kind of dry sense of humour and I guess I can be funny, I don't mind that. I know I'm a bit ditzy.

But i know I'm an intelligent, deep thinking person and I can't help being hurt by this kind of thing. It makes me feel like just being quiet.

I'm quite a shy person and I guess I don't stand up for myself.

This is a constant theme wherever I've worked, not so much in people I know well.

Am I just being too sensitive? How should I react. I'm not sure if people are belittling me or I'm just being silly. Just feel like I've no self confidence.

I'm planning on going to university next year to retrain anyway. But until then I must stick it out.

I guess I'm pretty socially awkward.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like kidding around is the office climate. It's doubtful they are trying to hurt you. Perhaps reflect on your own aspirations and remembering this is just a job for a paycheck for now.

[qwaspolk82]

I am pretty sarcastic so I would probably say something back to them. It might be nothing but who knows? Some women can be catty b****** even as adults.

 

Just let it roll off you. Although if someone said "oh what are you like...." I'd probably get a little annoyed. But then again I'm pretty blunt and I'd probably have said something to them by now.

[greta96]

I noticed throughout my life that a certain category of people (in fact, women, men not so much) will always try and put down other women they perceive as 'too nice', 'quiet', 'shy', but also intelligent, and they can be quite catty about it. They do it because of their own insecurity, as they know they are not the brightest bulbs in the tree themselves. They know you are too nice to say something snappy right back, and they take full advantage of that. I am like you and I know that type only too well.

 

You can't do much, as you only have 2 options: 1. reply back with something just as devious, which may get you into trouble in a work environment, and will turn them into your mortal enemies which will make your life there hell, or 2. ignore them and don't let them get to you. Tell yourself that they are just ignorant and keep your mouth shut, and just focus on doing your work. Try to cut down on the amount of time you spend with them, as much as possible.

 

I know biting your tongue is very frustrating, and how tempting it is to sometimes put people in their place and give them a piece of your mind, but sometimes silence is the best way to handle stupid, mean people. Act friendly when you do have to interact with them, and when they say something idiotic just smile and shrug. They'll get bored eventually.

[j.man]

I'd actually go on a whim and say that most ditzy people aren't inherently stupid in any way. They just haven't conditioned themselves to think before they talk. If we're honest with ourselves, most of us realize we've had plenty of real dumb thoughts that we're glad never escaped our lips.

 

Not that anyone should be saying things like "you make x sound intelligent," but if you catch yourself saying some goofy ****, really reflect on it and ask yourself, "Did I need to?"

[lostandhurt]

Standing up for yourself teaches others how to treat you. Maybe they were never taught how to treat others when they were growing up.

 

This is what I would do if I was in your shoes. When they say something like "you make _____look intelligent" simply look them right in the eye and ask "What do you mean by that?" Then watch them stutter for an answer.

 

No need to make a big deal but there are subtle ways of letting people know how they can treat you. Also when you join in a conversation or talk with them talk about something you are well versed in.

 

You have future plans elsewhere but you could use this as a good place to flex your confidence a little and improve how you present yourself to others.

 

Lost

[Gaynor]

Standing up for yourself teaches others how to treat you. Maybe they were never taught how to treat others when they were growing up.

 

This is what I would do if I was in your shoes. When they say something like "you make _____look intelligent" simply look them right in the eye and ask "What do you mean by that?" Then watch them stutter for an answer.

 

No need to make a big deal but there are subtle ways of letting people know how they can treat you. Also when you join in a conversation or talk with them talk about something you are well versed in.

 

You have future plans elsewhere but you could use this as a good place to flex your confidence a little and improve how you present yourself to others.

 

Lost

 

Thank you. I will try saying that , I bet they'll squirm.

I just don't get people. But yep it's usually ( always) women who behave this way, I hadn't noticed that before. Just feel like I'm bottom of the pile wherever I go, it seems.

Guess il just try and shrug it off for today. Maybe not make what I think are jokes any more. I don't think I share humour with them.

Thanks to everyone for the advice

[lostandhurt]

Gaynor,

 

Are very attractive? Are you younger than the other women you work with? Do the men in the office give you more attention than the other women?

 

Just curious

 

Lost

[Gaynor]

Gaynor,

 

Are very attractive? Are you younger than the other women you work with? Do the men in the office give you more attention than the other women?

 

Just curious

 

Lost

 

Well I don't know, I guess people say that I'm attractive but I don't really have lots of confidence. I'm younger than the others I guess.

[lostandhurt]

You may be seen as a threat that garners more attention from the men in the office so they try to subtly put you down.

 

If you lack confidence it may show and so they can feel that and exploit that weakness. No matter how nice they may seem on the outside there may be some hidden jealousy that comes out when you interact with them.

 

Try talking about things you know well, call them out like I mentioned and be a little more assertive around them. If they feel your strength they will treat you differently.

 

LOst