I hate this

[mermayd]

I am faced with a compromising situation. I dont know what to do. I was planning to move to LA in july for grad school, plus my bf of 3 years moved down there recently and thats where I am from and my family lives. I had it all planned out. Turns out the school I was going to go to isnt all that great and I have decided not to go. I have changed my plans for my education. What I plan to get, I can get at any school. I still was intending on going to LA for my bf and my family. Now my family (aunt, uncle, parents) are all moving up here (sacramento) when I was planning on moving to LA. So the only thing left in LA is my bf. Which is fine and great. But we will not be living together (we have before for 2 years) and he is busy with work and is not providing much promise for the future of our relationship. We are both in very fluid states of our life and when he graduates, he may move to wherever there is work, while I am still in school. So its not a good situation. I am trying to decide if I should stay here in sac, where I will have my family and friends and my apartment, or go to SF for school, get a place and still have my family and friends nearby. Or if I should move to LA with hope of our relationship strengthening. Either decision will require me giving something up. just a matter of what and which will benefit me in the long run

[Beec]

I think this is all about what you feel you need. If you really want to keep the boyfriend, then I might think abotu LA more, but really it is what is right for you.

[Celadon]

Hi mermayd,

 

It sounds to me like you're iffy on your boyfriend. At least, you recognize that the future could hold anything, since he may move. What does he say about your future together, long-term?

 

Also, how much do you want to strike out on your own right now? Meaning, would you enjoy SF and all the things it has to offer, or would you basically just be going to school and going home to study? If it's the latter, you might just stay in Sac where you've got a built-in support system.

 

Depending on the type of grad school, you'll probably end up making new friends anyway. Going to SF or LA would mean a change of scenery as well.

[arwen]

Hey mermayd,

 

I followed some of your other topics. How are things now in the relationship? It seems like things are unsure. If you are insecure about the relationship, I think it is wise to choose what you want in the first place, as Katie said.

 

How does your boyfriend feel about this? And sorry that I missed this part of your story, how did you first live together, and now it is not even a possibility, when you'd move to LA?

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[iloveamarine]

I feel like you are willing to take a risk for the one you love, but you never said if he would do the same. When he is done with school and you are still in it he should try to work out a living situation to make you both happy. Best of luck!

[Jezabelle73]

Hi Mermayd,

 

I was in a situation that sounds somewhat similar...sounds to me like you're making all the sacrifices...and that's alright if your partner is making some form of a committment to do the same for you, but that doesn't seem to be happening...I got some advice from a friend about four years ago...she said that she wasted two years on someone who she basically knew wasn't going to work out for her....ask yourself...are you wasting your time with this person when you could be moving on?

 

Jez

[apollocreed71]

You said in you letter, the your bf is holding no promises. Secondly, you will be living in separate accommodations, and thirdly he may be moving for work. Excuse me if I am off a little here, but it seems you are not one of his priorities. If you were special to him, he would have discussed these issues with you. Get your education, in SF. Good luck.

[Jezabelle73]

Right on appollo!!! I couldn't have said it better!!!!