So this is what's been happening to date...

[theREALdusman]

Hey everyone, to make a long story short...

 

The day i'll never forget, being September 4th, 2015, when the love of my life of 8 years put of the blue told me that she no longer loved me and walked out of my life. My previous posts probably explains in more detail.

 

But anyway...

Turns out she had very very quickly had moved in with another guy who is currently her new partner to date, which looking back now, leads me to believe that she had planned it all from the start. And sad to say, I've heard lots of stories of how people who plan on leaving their partners do a lot of stuff in secret, and when the time is right, all they need to do is get rid of you...kinda like preparing the pig for the slaughter, which I would never do since I think it's very mean, out of character, cruel, heartless and well...just bad karma for them. All the things we've been through together, and all the plans we had of being married and having our own family, then she says to me "If i ever want to get married and have kids, it won't be with you." I'll never forget those words that still break my heart today.

 

It's already been a year which is frighteningly gone fast. During that time I've been working a new job, which is a much more positive environment than the one before it. My previous job i started 2 weeks after my ex girlfriend. So I'm simultaneously having my soul ripped out of me and destroyed like road kill, feeling all kinds of very bad emotions, but also trying to focus on this job, trying to pick up things i need to learn. Looking back, I'm surprised I managed to get through it. I would go to work with a smile, then go home and completely break down, almost to the point where I felt nauseous, and did that over and over.

 

I knew I had to feel those emotions and let me flow, detox my body if you will. So to date, I still have those days and I've just been trying to be comfortable in my own skin, I haven't dated or anything. I don't feel I'm ready for that, I'm just trying to see the brighter side of being single for now, which I feel is a great opportunity for me to get my life on track and chase the dreams I've always had.

 

Though, I'm trying my best to stay positive and focus on myself and my dreams, it seems like every time I feel I'm moving on, I get a random text from my ex girlfriend asking me about some random thing she can easily get find out herself. And since I don'y post much things these days about what i'm doing, even though she does...but I wouldn't know since I don't follow her on social media...she still follows me it turns out. So I just try to ignore it, and there's been a few situations where there would be some event where she would try to see me in person, since I haven't wanted to see her since she left...maybe she's wondering if I'm with someone else, who knows, who cares right?

 

Right now, I really want to move interstate where I use to be a few years ago, I really miss it where I was and I feel that's where I need to be. So I'm just keeping what I do with my life very private. The way i'm feeling right now, I just want to know is it still possible, no matter what emotional crap you're experiencing everyday, that you can still get to where you want to go?

 

I know pretty much everyone would say "of course", just some days I'm excited for the future, the other days i'm worried and fearful about it. And i know real happiness starts with you, nothing or nobody else...and I'm working on that. I guess I just wanted to get some of your thoughts on what I've been typing here. The weird behavior exes do seems to be the same no matter who it is, and maybe it's because they pick up on a feeling that maybe the ones they shouldn't have left are moving on without them.

 

Anyways, would love some feedback,

Thanks a lot guys.

[greta96]

This is such an awesome, inspiring post, it's sad of course but uplifting at the same time! You dealt (and are still dealing) with this terrible time the way many wish they had, you should be so proud of yourself. The one more thing I think you'd be better off doing is blocking her number so that she can no longer text you, because being reminded of her only slows down your progress.

You are absolutely right, exes have an extra sense where they "smell" when their ex partner is starting to move on, and that's when unsolicited contact happens, because they want to feel like they still have a claim over their exes and they don't want them to move on that easily; on the contrary, their egos get better served when they see the exes are still pining away for them and ready to take them back, should they choose to do so.

I think you are right about the fact that she had this new guy waiting in the shadows for her before she even broke up with you, which is why she did it; the short time between the day she left you and the day she moved in with him suggests that. Also, I would venture as far as to say her new "venture" isn't going as well as she thought it would, which is why she keeps following your social media and contacting you. The grass wasn't greener in this instance, and chances are she is regretting leaving something good for what she thought would be better and exciting but for whatever reason isn't.

Because of that, I am glad to see you are not considering taking her back, after all she made her bed (hurting you badly in the process), now she needs to sleep in it.

 

It's normal to have doubts, or to feel hopeless at times. Rest assured, you are handling things the right way, and you are on your way to something much better. It's only been 5 weeks, it's natural to still miss her and wonder. You hopefully already know that taking her back would be a big mistake, so just keep doing what you've been doing, focus on accomplishing other life goals for now, and whenever you feel ready go back to the dating pool, I'm sure the right woman is right around the corner. This woman was not it. Block her so that you aren't tempted to see her or, worse, rekindle things with her should she get dumped by her new guy and want to crawl back to you and use you for a safety net.

 

I wish you the best of luck, I'm sure you'll do great!

[rich46]

I like how you have dealt with all this very maturely, and your recovery follows a similar line to how I myself proceed with things after a break up.

 

Yeah, as greta96 pointed out, it would be wise to prevent her from disrupting your progress. Which social media do you refer to? If it is facebook and you are still friends, then that needs to change.

 

Right now, I really want to move interstate where I use to be a few years ago, I really miss it where I was and I feel that's where I need to be. So I'm just keeping what I do with my life very private. The way i'm feeling right now, I just want to know is it still possible, no matter what emotional crap you're experiencing everyday, that you can still get to where you want to go?

 

I know pretty much everyone would say "of course", just some days I'm excited for the future, the other days i'm worried and fearful about it. And i know real happiness starts with you, nothing or nobody else...and I'm working on that.

Again, love how you are keeping things close to your chest.

 

It's normal to have some doubts, but you know that you can do whatever you want now you are single and without ties. Once the emotions and heartache subside, I think it can be very liberating to spend valuable time thinking only about yourself, reassessing your life situation. I've done the same these last 18 months. I've done lots of travelling during that time, and gained some amazing experiences that wouldn't have happened had I still been with my ex. And leaving my job in March next year and moving to a totally different part of Japan to where I have been for the last six years - fresh start, new challenge.

 

Seriously, you should be proud of how you have dealt with such a sudden break up, especially after 8 years together and then seeing her move on so quickly. Blindsided in the extreme. But you have maintained your dignity, worked on yourself, resisted the temptation to rush into dating again, and you are emerging all the better for it.

 

Look at 2017 as your time, and do what you want/need to do to make you happy!

[IAmFCA]

OP you are nailing it. Probably hard to tell but your post is the very definition of winning at life. Eight years! Eight years and then shacking with some guy like it's nothing? Ugh, painful. Awful. And then you remember - she's his problem now. She didn't take time to be alone so you know whatever deeply seated issues she has, she still has them. His problem. And somehow, it becomes clear you dodged a bullet. 8 years is nothing compared to 40, kids, and a house. What a mess that would have been. They won't their issues show but you know there are cracks beneath the surface.

 

As yousay, Who cares, right?

 

Can you feel that love again? The happiness? Heck yes!! My ex H started shacking up with her while we were still married, we had kids and all that. Now? Happier than I ever have been, open to a whole different sort of love that I find exciting, and loving every day that I'm alive.

 

You are the very act of resilience, health, triumph, faith, and determination. Stick to your good habits and you will go wherever it is you are supposed to go. You are doing it right, more right than some folks who have had nothing to overcome. In that way, the pain becomes a gift by showing you uncommon strength through adversity.

 

This world will be yours and you will love it.