I went to meet him...

[AvaD21]

I'd just like to start by saying I appreciate all of your advice which is why I'm kinda addicted to coming on here at the minute. I posted yesterday to query whether I should meet my ex & all commenters thought it was a bad idea. I bit the bullet & went with my heart (such a smart choice *eye roll*) and it was really nice. We had a good catch up and a laugh. At the end of the night we didn't kiss or anything as he left my car (most commenters also thought it was for a booty call! Haha) I just asked him - why ask to meet straight away after having no contact?

 

He didn't really know how to answer me I think I caught him off guard, basically that he didn't know he just wanted to see me. I drove home and had a text from him when I got in, we texted till we fell asleep & that was that.

 

I don't want to rush in to anything and ask him anymore questions & I haven't contacted him today nor has he contact me. Part of me thinks maybe he just wanted one last meeting? The other part doesn't know if maybe this is the road to getting back together. What do you think - should I continue to leave contact or should I initiate anything as he has reached out the olive branch? (Bear in mind for most of this year I've been in contact too much so I'm confused about what's acceptable)

[Wiseman2]

Sometimes an ex wants to 'stay friends" to hook up or hang out or do "other things" together. It doesn't mean they want to reup the relationship.

 

What do you or did you want out of the meet ups and communication? See if he continues to initiate communication or meet ups, however keep in mind that still does not spell out a relationship. It could be anything from hookups to fwb to casual dating.

I just asked him - why ask to meet straight away after having no contact? He didn't really know how to answer me basically that he didn't know he just wanted to see me.

[Seymore]

You said yourself all commenters thought it was a bad idea but you did it anyway. Then you come back and ask what to do next. I don't know why you bother asking us as we clearly have no idea what we're talking about. *eye roll*

[Wiseman2]

LOL

we clearly have no idea what we're talking about.

]

[bluefields]

You said yourself all commenters thought it was a bad idea but you did it anyway. Then you come back and ask what to do next. I don't know why you bother asking us as we clearly have no idea what we're talking about. *eye roll*

 

I think everyone reserves the right to make their own decisions eventually. There's no harm in asking for a second opinion but that doesn't mean one should always take the advice they are given.

[Seymore]

I think everyone reserves the right to make their own decisions eventually. There's no harm in asking for a second opinion but that doesn't mean one should always take the advice they are given.

 

People spent their time to give some darn good advice which was pretty much unanimous, she ignored it and did what her heart told her to. I'm not against that. But don't come back and then ask people to spend more of their time on your issue when it's pretty clear you're going to ignore it anyway.

[bluefields]

I'd just like to start by saying I appreciate all of your advice which is why I'm kinda addicted to coming on here at the minute. I posted yesterday to query whether I should meet my ex & all commenters thought it was a bad idea. I bit the bullet & went with my heart (such a smart choice *eye roll*) and it was really nice. We had a good catch up and a laugh. At the end of the night we didn't kiss or anything as he left my car (most commenters also thought it was for a booty call! Haha) I just asked him - why ask to meet straight away after having no contact?

 

He didn't really know how to answer me I think I caught him off guard, basically that he didn't know he just wanted to see me. I drove home and had a text from him when I got in, we texted till we fell asleep & that was that.

 

I don't want to rush in to anything and ask him anymore questions & I haven't contacted him today nor has he contact me. Part of me thinks maybe he just wanted one last meeting? The other part doesn't know if maybe this is the road to getting back together. What do you think - should I continue to leave contact or should I initiate anything as he has reached out the olive branch? (Bear in mind for most of this year I've been in contact too much so I'm confused about what's acceptable)

 

I think you need to decide for yourself whether to continue entertaining him. It may be that he wanted one last meeting for closure. It may be that he wants to be friends. It may be that he wants to get back together. I haven't read your other thread but there's very little information here to say what his behavior would mean, even generalising.

[annie24]

He didn't really know how to answer me I think I caught him off guard, basically that he didn't know he just wanted to see me. I drove home and had a text from him when I got in, we texted till we fell asleep & that was that.

 

Sometimes the dumper just misses the friendship and hanging out and all that and doesn't want to give that up, but it doesn't mean they want a romantic relationship either. I know that's how it was when my ex broke up with me - but he still wanted to hang out make dinner together, for example. But I said no, I didn't want to give him the benefits of a relationship without the commitment of it. Personally, I have other friends I can hang out with, ones who don't make me feel sad and rejected.

[AvaD21]

Seymore - I specifically started this post to say I appreciated all advice given because I do - you ask for a second opinion on a situation that I cannot possibly go into full detail about because I'd be here all night, not least because it's also biased as there's currently one side to this story. I've come back with an update which so many people do, I'm not asking what I should do next just to ignore your advice but more because it gives me clarity on what's going on in my head. I have an anxiety disorder which I find often imbalances my thought processes so it helps to hear other people's opinions

[Seymore]

Do what your heart tells you to then. I dunno.

[AvaD21]

To summarise bluefields I had a lot of personal issues that ended up affecting our rel, I had been feeling the same about the relationship but was too weak to end it so he did. I didn't beg him to take me back once it was more I couldn't lose the control of not contacting him, we needed time apart that I was too selfish to give. I've gotten better as the years gone on and we went a couple weeks not speaking - he rang me yday out the blue & at the end of the convo asked if I wanted to meet up. I really don't know what his intentions are but I Think it went well last night so maybe I'm best leavingthe ball in his court

[bluefields]

To summarise bluefields I had a lot of personal issues that ended up affecting our rel, I had been feeling the same about the relationship but was too weak to end it so he did. I didn't beg him to take me back once it was more I couldn't lose the control of not contacting him, we needed time apart that I was too selfish to give. I've gotten better as the years gone on and we went a couple weeks not speaking - he rang me yday out the blue & at the end of the convo asked if I wanted to meet up. I really don't know what his intentions are but I Think it went well last night so maybe I'm best leavingthe ball in his court

 

I agree. Since he hasn't made it clear that he wants anything more than that one meeting, leave it be for now. I would also recommend working on your personal issues before you decide to get back in a relationship - with him, or otherwise.

[Wiseman2]

Yes, good idea to leave the ball in his court and see if he initiates contact, suggests meeting up and most of all to see what his intentions are.

I Think it went well last night so maybe I'm best leavingthe ball in his court

]

[Jibralta]

I'm not asking what I should do next just to ignore your advice but more because it gives me clarity on what's going on in my head.

 

I get it. Lots of people do this, anxiety disorder or no.

[OldRomantic83]

Well, on this occasion I will stick my hands in the air and say I was wrong. Genuinely thought he only had one intention...

[Jibralta]

Sometimes the dumper just misses the friendship and hanging out and all that and doesn't want to give that up, but it doesn't mean they want a romantic relationship either.

 

I have definitely been this person. I'm not much for "no contact," personally, though I agree that sometimes it's the best way.

 

AvaD, don't read too much into it. I can tell you personally that sometimes it just means nothing.

[AvaD21]

Thanks for the comments - I agree with you all, I'm not going to read too much into it or initiate contact which I think has been my mistake before

[SooSad33]

The way I see this, is it up to YOU on whether you want to continue to drag yourself thru this again & again.. OR, consider letting go and work on accepting & healing?

 

The more you challenge this whole thing.. the longer it goes on.

 

I know very well how painful it is to have to let go.. of someone you have feelings for ... BUT,,, in the end, I have to take care of ME. Can take many months to accept and move on with our lives.

 

Not sure of your past with him.. how long apart.. when it all ended etc.. but do also consider WHY things ended and has anything improved with either of you in this time?..... or.. would it all be the same all over again??

 

Think hard on this.... because sometimes it IS best for your own mental health to walk.

[AvaD21]

The way I see this, is it up to YOU on whether you want to continue to drag yourself thru this again & again.. OR, consider letting go and work on accepting & healing?

 

The more you challenge this whole thing.. the longer it goes on.

 

I know very well how painful it is to have to let go.. of someone you have feelings for ... BUT,,, in the end, I have to take care of ME. Can take many months to accept and move on with our lives.

 

Not sure of your past with him.. how long apart.. when it all ended etc.. but do also consider WHY things ended and has anything improved with either of you in this time?..... or.. would it all be the same all over again??

 

Think hard on this.... because sometimes it IS best for your own mental health to walk.

 

You've hit the nail on the head in terms of what I'm thinking now. I think a lot has improved since we split (Dec last year) but the hard part is always where do we go from here? Im not going to get myself hung up over it. It's still onwards & upwards for me. X

[marie12]

You've hit the nail on the head in terms of what I'm thinking now. I think a lot has improved since we split (Dec last year) but the hard part is always where do we go from here? Im not going to get myself hung up over it. It's still onwards & upwards for me. X

 

Point blank; He misses your attention. If he was serious, he would of been upfront and asked for the relationship. Now that he has your attention again, without a commitment, he can play on your heart strings.

 

I would of advised to not see him either, but it's not too late, you can correct this mistake. Wait to see him in person again and ask what he wants (not on phone or via text). Show you've matured, no more games, what is the new communicating about and you're sure to get a clear answer.

 

Speaking from experience, i asked in person call received clarity w/o misconceived text or emotional calls.

 

Good luck! Dont set yourself up for failure You Don't deserve.