I feel poor, lost, and hopeless

[Blue Skittles]

Ok - its really dumb - but I feel poor. I AM poor, put it that way. I feel ok with it most times - but then people talk about traveling and buying all these expensive things and I'm like - DUDE - i wish i could have that. I know, I AM lucky to have a roof over my head, even a computer and internet and food to eat and i'm able to take care of my kitties, so its all good. But I have a feeling I will never get much better than this - i will never get to travel and see the world and buy myself expensive things and have my hair done professionally every week...

 

So thats the poor part. Other than that i feel lost. I feel like I don't really know what i want in life or where I am going, I feel like I'm in this messed up situation and I will never get out of it... I don't know what to do anymore. What i need the most is some time alone and I can't even get that, not right now anyways...

 

Then something else happened. I feel like I lost a best friend. I don't know if I said something wrong, or did something wrong.. and I"m totally overreacting cuz i get anxiety attacks over stuff like this... but i do, feel like i lost someone VERY important in my life... well, i won't go too much into it, honestly I'm too depressed to even post right now... but just thought i'd get some of this out... thanks for reading

[annie24]

He he he... I keep posting this. I've been reading a teriffic book by Suze Orman - "The 9 steps to financial freedom." If you are able to provide for yourself and your kitties, you are doing well! The book is very spiritual. It's very psychological. It's about examining your attitudes towards money, and figuring out why you spend/save the way you do. And, how to increase your wealth - not necessarily by becoming richer, but to "feel wealthy." You say you feel poor - I think you should focus on how to appreciate what you have, and how to manage it. Say a person makes $40,000 a year. But, they have a life filled with many friends, hobbies, love, and interests. Wouldn't you call that person wealthy?

 

Anyways, I'm not doing a very good job of explaining the book. I'm not done with it yet. But, it has some very helpful advice and it asks you to ask some very difficult questions of yourself.

[annie24]

Let me add: The full title of the book is, "The 9 steps to financial freedom: Practical and Spiritual steps so you can stop worrying."

 

It sounds to me you need this book. You said that you worry that you won't be able to buy expensive things one day, like those around you. She writes a lot about facing your financial fears and learning how to let go. After all, nothing good has ever come of fear, right?

[mtastic]

Hi Blue Skittles,

 

I'm feeling simialr at the moment.

 

Poor- Definitely. I'm a senior in college, and my workload keeps me too busy to be able to hold down a job, meaning at the moment i have to rely on my parents for money (something i'm not proud of), however i know this is going to change once i graduate and am able to get a full time professional job. I'm also feeling lost in the sense that I'm on the verge of a whole new phase of my life, and at the moment i really have no idea where i'll be 6 months from now. The way school has been going since september, particularly with my senior project, which is supposed to pull together everything I've learned, has me periodically doubting weither engineering (my major) is what i actually want to do for a career. On top of all of that, i persistently feel lonely, as i've never been one to get out with others much, and only recently have wanted to try to get over my social anxieties and actually get out to have fun (rather bad timing for that given the way life has been going recently).

 

So thats how I'm feeling at the moment. I don't really have any advice on how to get through it, as i'm new to dealing with these feelings as well, but hopefully you'll find a little comfort knowing you're not the only one to be going through tough times at the moment. Feel free to PM or IM me if you need someone to talk to, perhaps we can help each other a bit.

 

mtasitc

[lusitana]

There's a phenomenon called the quarter-life crisis, and I didn't believe in it until my friends and I entered our twenties. The basic idea is that people like ourselves who are just starting out in life get it into our heads that we should be instantly successful and living some jetsetter lifestyle so we try to, and when we fail miserably at it (because we're not made of money and have to start at the bottom at work), we feel like failures. Apparently, it's pretty widespread and exacerbated by the media cranking out shows portraying young people living decadent lives.

 

There's no shame in living within your means. I live in a bland apartment furnished mainly through the Salvation Army, I don't get out much except to friends' houses to play cards or board games, I don't have a car or cell phone, and I'm crocheting myself a (hopefully) nice bedspread during my bus ride to work. Don't get me wrong, I've got some luxuries - I give myself free rein to call family and friends in my home country and if I want to make lamb for supper once in a while, I run out and buy it - but I cut myself short of trying to have it all. Maybe my parents' frugality rubbed off on me.

 

I guess you have to set priorities first. For myself, I count travelling as much more important than owning expensive things or getting my hair styled. I've got a sort of triage with my finances: 10% of my gross income goes to (retirement?) savings, no exceptions. The rest of my money goes towards expenses and entertainment, and anything left over goes towards a dubious "one day I'll buy something big like a car or house...or I'll just go home for Christmas" fund. But the money for my next frivolous trip is coming from a bizarre source: $1 bills and birthday money! Every time I get dollar bills in change or cash gifts from relatives, I put it away in a Get Out Of Jail Free fund. It becomes a game of "Well, I could get a mocha OR I could save the $3 for the fund." Getting the hell out of here usually wins over instant petty gratification. I've saved $350 in 8-10 months, and when the time comes that I decide I'm leaving on a jet plane, consequences be damned, that money will be there to soften the blow. I'm not like mtastic, about to embark on a new financial phase of life. I'm in a profession where very few make the big bucks, and I'm settling in to be poor until at least age 50 but probably forever, so there's no rosy future for me and I'd better get used to that.

 

The worst part is I talk about how I'll be poor forever but I think I already made as much as or more than my mom last year. Quarter-life crisis, I'm telling you.

 

As for feeling lost and without direction...I think most people our age feel that way. I look at people around me and go, "Wow, he's married...they're district manager at their company...he just got offered a position as a consultant at 25...I'm 23 and still in school, for crying out loud!" And the thing is, right now I can't prioritize my life the way I prioritize my finances. Should I be focused on education/career as I am, or should I be spending time to find a man to marry me (or at least pretend to love me)? My biological clock is ticking - is this no big deal or a catastrophe waiting to happen? Am I a bad daughter for being so far away from my family right now, and when a certain man told me I shouldn't leave, should I have listened to him? Would I be happier as a bohemian traveller in my threadbare jeans or a polished young professional in a condo with hardwood floors and granite countertops who never leaves the city in my sparkly new car?

 

I don't know. I don't really have any advice, either. All I can say is there are tons of people out there in your situation, and tons more who blew part of their rent money on a night on the town and some CDs and will consequently be late on their electric bill again. Don't be one of those.

 

I'm sorry about the personal loss you just suffered. I hope things are looking better tomorrow. Oh yeah, and I'm sorry this is so long and rambling.

[RayKay]

Try volunteering with those less fortunate then you, or sponsoring a child in an poverty ridden-Aids ravaged country to get some perspective on how good you DO have it.

 

I sponsor a child in the Dominican, and I also recently travelled to Cuba where my family has some friends who live there. Visiting them made me truly feel blessed to have my little, clean apartment, my goodies, even fruits and veggies to eat everyday. The average salary there is about 200 USD annually, many bring in a bit more with illegal money and the blackmarket if they can. They were thrilled with the childrens multivitamins we brought, and the cheaper Walmart running shoes, and clothes, and toys. I gave away the remaining cold medications and tylenol I had which too was met with gratitude.

 

I came home to my credit card debts, my healthy partner, my healthy family, my computers, books, bicycles, fridge and pantry full of food, closets full of clothers, shoes, medicine cabinet...and knowing that if I DID need anything I could get access to it without the blackmarket (if lucky).

 

And of course there are countries all over the world that are much the same, and even people in our own countries who struggle everyday to survive, to feed families never mind themselves.

 

Do you really NEED your hair done every week? Probably not. Heck, I only go every couple months. Save up for travelling. I know one guy who everytime he came home with change put it in a jar, over a couple years he saved up several hundred dollars and went away for a few days.

 

Develop a budget and determine what is important to YOU to save for. For me its my biking stuff - mountain bikes, road bikes and all the gear involved. And also travelling for races. So I don't buy many new clothes at all.

 

As for direction - believe it or not almost everyone goes through this. Some go through it their whole lives even if it appears they are happy with where they are and their careers - many will still have doubts about what they are doing or where they are going. You need to learn to be comfortable just being where you are - life is not supposed to be a constant state of surety - it is a state of flux and we adapt and strive within that. We cannot control everything that happens around us or to us, but we can control our reactions to it, and how we accept or deal with the situations handed to us.

 

As for best friend - well, look at what happened and see if things can be changed, don't dwell on it. If they are still alive there is still opportunity to fix things or address the issues. Some of us don't get that chance.

 

Be happy with what you do have, and know that you CAN strive for more with proper planning and organization, and dedication. Many don't even have that opportunity. Surround yourself with family, friends, give forth love to receive it in return.

[Dubz]

if u think that ur not going to get anything better in life then u wont get anything better, u have to work at things, u may feel a bit lost at the moment but believe me this will past and u will find things that u enjoy doing and talents that u didnt know u had, i hope everything works out for you, take care.

[GettingOverIt]

Hey Blue,

One thing to think about (as far as being poor) is that you aren't in your 'career' mode yet... Yeah, I know, you're not sure WHAT you want to do, but you will not be doing what you're doing now forever.... Once your career mode starts, you will start to see some of those things you do want come to fruition...

 

On being lost... In my experience, there is generally a reason for everything that happens to us or in our lives. We may not understand it, even years later, but I can tell you that things will get better.... You say you can't get that alone time you need, not really, and that does make things harder, but you will get passed this. It won't be easy at times, but there are people who love you and care about you who can and will help you....

 

About your friend... Sometimes it nothing we do or say that sends our friends away from us. Sometimes, they wander off by themselves, only to turn around and find their way back to us... Our truest friends are those that are there, even when we don't see them....