To break up or not to break up??

[kh7]

OK Here's my dilemma:

 

I've been dating this guy for about 2 months. When it first started we hung out all the time (~3x/week), he called allllll the time, etc. We went out, we stayed in, etc. A month ago though, he started a new job that is an hour away from his house (but close to mine), that causes him to work long hours.

 

So, I know he is busier and much more tired, but he seems to have lost all interest in hanging out. I feel like I'm sort of a backup. Not to someone else, but to his life. He calls on his drive home from work every day. However, he rarely wants to hang out...unless he has to work early the next morning in which case he wants to sleep over so that he is closer to work in the morning - but when he does that, he usually goes to sleep at 9pm. He says the job is just really stressing him out and making him tired and that soon he won't be working overtime so much and will be living not so far from work.

 

I know I should be understanding of this - but to what degree? We see each other about once a week now, and to me, that just isn't enough. Especially considering when we have seen each other, we don't do anything special to make up for lost time. Sometimes we just eat dinner and fall asleep.

 

I asked him if I should be taking a hint or something, and he said 'no' - he's just stressed and tired. He is moving closer to his job/to me at the end of the month, but am I supposed to just wait it out? For something that may or may not make things better? It would be really easy to just break up with him if we didn't have such a good time when we were actually together. But we do have a great time. I just never get much time anymore. So I don't know what to do....

 

To complicate things more, this weekend when I was out (without him of course, as he never goes out anymore) I met a guy who I clicked really well with. I have no idea if we would work or not, but the guy has admitted that he's into me. Ideally, I would like to stay with the guy I'm with...if it were a great relationship...but right now it's not, and I don't know if it's fixable...

[lady00]

Have you communicated your concerns clearly to him? Does he know exactly what you want? If you have been vague then he will not understand and nothing will change. If you have been clear about your needs and he cannot fulfill them at the moment, find out from him if this is a temporary thing or a permanent thing. If you don't like the way the relationship is going after discussing these things with him, it may be time to call it quits.

[Sn0man]

So what you're saying is that this guy is going to be moving closer to you in about a month and you don't want to wait it out because you have another thing on the go? Hmmm. You say the two of you have a good time when you're together, but you don't get to see him often enough...do you try to go and spend time with him at all? Or is this more one sided?

[kh7]

I TRY to see him all the time - I am always the one to propose hanging out. He always is just too tired/too stressed. About once a week he actually agrees to doing something, and I still feel like I'm inconveniencing him somehow. I mentioned it briefly about a week ago and he said that "I just don't understand" how stressed and tired he is. I DO understand, but at the same time, I deserve more attention than he is giving me...

[tosing]

When men are too tired or busy...they're just not that into you. Go for the new guy.

 

Read the book too.

 

He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt

[Sn0man]

That book has formed some sort of cultist following, and though it is in some aspects correct, I wouldn't take it for the bible. I keep hearing reference to that damn book, and it seems to be causing more trouble than it could ever solve.

[Blue Skittles]

Only 2 months into the relationship? Yeah - I would break up if you don't see it going anywhere.. especially if there are other guys out there that you CLICK with. If you don't think you will be able to handle his 'stressful' life then don't put yourself through it for any longer than you have to. He needs some time alone to figure out how he's gonna deal with this stress.. and you don't need to put up with it either. I had a boyfriend who was getting in a new job and pretty stressed about it too, always busy, he had the busiest life out of anyone i knew, but he STILL found time to hang out with me EVERY day - even though we were BOTH so busy. I've seen it in other relationships too where people will be so busy and won't have time for each other but will STILLL make lots of time to see each other cuz its important.. Don't waste your time with this guy that you are with..

[DN]

That book has formed some sort of cultist following, and though it is in some aspects correct, I wouldn't take it for the bible. I keep hearing reference to that damn book, and it seems to be causing more trouble than it could ever solve.

 

I also have doubts about any advice that treats an entire gender as if every member thinks the same way, acts the same way and has little or no individuality. Good for the pocket book of the author but of doubtful value in trying to make sense of specific relationships and specific people.

[ocean9]

kh7,

 

This guy obviously isn't meeting your needs...and it's sound like your doing a lot of the work initiating invites and so on.

 

He doesn't seem to be able to handle work and a relationship...and your left wanting more.

 

It's only been two months...ending it now will be a lot less painful than ending it later.

 

You shouldn't always be 'waiting' on a guy...IMO a guy who wants you will make room in his life for you more than once a week.

[lady00]

I think this guy is going to have to learn sooner or later that work is stressful and that times of stress will come and go througout one's career and life but people deal with it, they make time for their partners, their families etc. We all need to find that balance in our lives...there are some people in the world who have the most stressful jobs imaginable...and yet are married and make time for their spouses. I think that if you really like this guy and want it to work and he does too then give him a little more time to figure out how to give you attention. If he does not seem to change after a reasonable amount of time (you'll just have to play it by ear) then you should probably move on.