Ex girlfriend wants to be friends- Need some help/advice

[Captcha]

Morning People,

 

I'll try to keep it simple but provide you enough information to help!

 

Basically I bumped into my ex-girlfriend of three years in our local town, we had a quick chat because I was with friends and then started texting each other back and forth again for a couple weeks, it's now been a week and I haven't text her back because I've been on holiday.

 

Those texts were about friends, family and just a general catch up.

 

The problem is sending those texts back and forth made me realise that I do miss her as a person and it sort of head fkd me into wanting to get back with her.. I still think she's one of the most beautiful girls that i've met and if i could turn back time I'd change a lot of things but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want that as she met someone new maybe like a few months back and I'm not sure how official they are but I'm pretty sure she just wants me as another channel for support/comforting herself..

 

We had a good break up that did turn a bit messy but even after breaking up we've bumped into each other a few times without confrontation!

 

The main question is what does she want from me? I don't really want to be walked all over and I feel that if I do get "friendzoned" by my ex it won't help me mentally in the long run, like I don't want to be the ex boyfriend at her wedding with her new boyfriend but at the same time we have this connection that you can only get with being with someone for that time and from the experiences that you've had together..

 

The last text I got from her was after I didn't reply was:

 

"just wanted to say I don't want to be awkward with you, I genuinely miss you being my friend and I don't want to have to feel awkward if we bump into each other out or whatever. I have nothing but respect for you and I'm sorry that we fell out, I take back everything ty I said to you. I want you to know that I never ever cheated on you or disrespected you, you're free to believe what you want obviously but I hope you believe what is true. I'm very drunk also, but I hope you have a good holiday

 

Don't care if she finds this, tbh at least she might be able to see into my head if she did..

 

Anyways please help because I'm really not sure what to do

 

Thanks,

 

Captcha

[Hollyj]

I'll be blunt: you cannot be friends with someone you have feelings for. Period!

 

I would tell her that you wish her the best, but you are not comfortable in a platonic relationship.

[ParisPaulette]

I'm pretty sure she just wants me as another channel for support/comforting herself..

 

The above is exactly why being friends with an ex, with this ex, is a terrible idea. If she's not asking you to try again, and she hasn't, then there really is zero reason to now allow her full access to your life and her to yours.

 

Plus don't you find it a bit odd she's seeing some other fellow, but now suddenly has reached out to an ex? What's that about? Backup for those times he makes her feel crappy or she gets rejected then has you to make her feel better? I think you deserve more than that and I think you know it.

 

I don't know that you need to do anything really, no grand sweeping "talk" or anything. Just a simple text, "Well, of course I'll say hello if we bump into each other in town. We've been over for some time and moved on, so it's all good. Have a nice life." Then after that you just don't respond and/or if you think it'll hurt too much block and delete her.

 

I'm not even sure she's looking for "best buddies" or just has a guilty conscience or if it's a little more of wanting ego boosts to fall back on. It's kind of hard to tell, but the thing is you need to ratchet down the contact immediately if you're starting to get feelings again. It means you are not over her and it will just hurt you all over again if you have to be in contact and now be relegated to someone she can chat with about other men to get a "guy's perspective," which to me has always been needlessly cruel. But some people are either just that clueless or maybe slyly malicious about it, I've never quite been sure which. Maybe half and half?

 

Regardless, this isn't really about her. She doesn't want you back, and you don't need a friend who will inadvertently or on purpose twist the knife at you all the time. So a simple text once then done.

 

Or just don't respond at all and block and delete her. Whatever you do refuse to get sucked into now being the backup plan, which is usually how these things end up whether anyone is consciously doing that or not. Focus on your own life, continue to heal, let this all die away. You'll do much, much better for it.

[Wiseman2]

Agree that the friendzone with an ex is a lousy head space to be in for a multitude of reasons from moving on to questioning if you want them back.

 

What did she mean by this? "I want you to know that I never ever cheated on you or disrespected you, you're free to believe what you want" ?

it sort of head fkd me into wanting to get back with her.. I feel that if I do get "friendzoned" by my ex it won't help me mentally

[Captcha]

Thanks for the advice guys/girls, think I needed to chat to some other people to clear it up in my head! I've got some great friend irl but sometimes you don't really feel comfortable talking about things like this!

 

Anyway I essentially filled her in with my holiday and told her that i'm not comfortable with a platonic relationship which she she understood and we concluded that we don't look back at our relationship with any regrets..

 

I'm always going to be left with the feeling WHAT IF and part of me will always miss her but It's better than just being her comfort blanket..

 

After we broke up she got drunk and ended up at one of my old mates house where they supposedly kissed, she came round time mine after and fed me some bull story where he forced himself on her, after a few conversations this story changed.. That might explain some guilt aspect of it, to complicate it I was very good friends with his ex and during that time went off to a festival on a friendship with her only basis (because we got free guest list) but that might have sparked some conspiring between them..

 

Tbh part if me wants to ask her now it's all calmed down because then at least it'll give me some fire to be angry and not have any emotions for her again..

[TMifune]

After we broke up she got drunk and ended up at one of my old mates house where they supposedly kissed, she came round time mine after and fed me some bull story where he forced himself on her, after a few conversations this story changed.. That might explain some guilt aspect of it, to complicate it I was very good friends with his ex and during that time went off to a festival on a friendship with her only basis (because we got free guest list) but that might have sparked some conspiring between them.

 

This story alone should send you running for the hills. Any woman who would lie about a man forcing himself on her (kissing or more) has a serious character flaw.