Dont know how to be happy when I feel alone.

[sos505]

As the title suggests, I feel alone in this world so Im hoping this site offers some insightful responses to help get me going in the right direction. I really dont know what I am looking for but I know I need to talk about the thoughts and feelings going on in my head and that in itself may help. So, bare with me...

 

Tonight I feel frustrated, confused, alone and anxious. Im pretty much unhappy no matter if Im at work or at home. Of course I feel more at peace when Im at home but it dosnt take much to get my frustration reeling.

 

My relationship with my wife is not the best. We've been together over 10 years and I can say this is the worst our communication has been ever. Crazy to think that when we first got together and for years after, communication was our strongest attribute. Honestly and sadly its probably not the healthiest relationship. While there is no physical or mental abuse, at the same time, there is no love.We love each other no doubt but neither one of us show it. We both have developed certain expectations for each other that are never reached. For example, she wants affection... its always been an issue for me towards her. As dumb as it sounds, its extremely hard for me to touch, feel or even compliment. No matter how much it may cross my mind. People will say that children will learn from their parents and I assume that would be correct for my story. My dad had an anger, didnt give much in affection or time towards me or my older brother. I remember a lot of him going to work, coming home to sit on his chair with a newspaper. There is more on this topic if I need to dive into it later. He has caused pain, anger and stress on my life but I doubt he even knows. I vowed I would grow up and never be like him. But I am.

 

As I said, I dont live up to the expectations to my wife. She has always wanted affection and I give her none. Instead I get frustrated, mad, angry about the small things. Its a little over whelming walking in the house and seeing a bunch of stuff across the house not put up. It dosnt matter if its trash, pillows, blankets, mail, or clothes. As each item that I have to pick up my frustration grows. But to retreat a little, Id like to feel the same love that she yearns for. Like I said above, its a 2 way street and neither one of us are doing our part. Not anymore.

 

It hasnt always been that way. Of course, we have both changed through the years.

 

We have a 7yr old now and he was diagnosed with ADHD. That is another part of the story that brings me down. He is an amazing kid but I have yet to learn how to deal with certain aspects of his "issues". My patience, especially these days, is extremely low so, as you may have guessed, it brings me down a path of frustration and anger. He has a hard time listening and focusing. I can only repeat myself so many times. Once Im done raising my voice, then comes the sadness and guilt. You know its a little crazy - the days where I tend to give myself pep talks and breath any frustrations out, those are the days where my wife wants to raise her voice towards our son. Although she is a lot more understanding towards his needs, she gets frustrated to. The days, again, where I cant take anymore - she remains calm. Cant ever get on the same page. Its so difficult being a father, as many people know but with my history and the ADHD factor, I know its something I will be learning for a very long time. And while I am a better father towards him than mine to me, I need to be better. I have to and I want to.

 

So, thats where Im at today. Probably bits here and there I am missing but in a nutshell, and like the title states, I feel alone.

 

No one to turn to, cant talk to my wife, not a great relationship with my dad, as great as she is I cant run to my mom, my brother and I dont have that type of relationship and currently no friends that I have kept in communication with to burden them with my sorrow. I can look myself in the mirror and tell myself what I need to do - the right thing - but for some reason its hard. I get frustrated a lot - and although it may be justified - I need to be better.

 

I need to be happy. I need my family to be happy.

I need to step up.

 

 

Any questions you have, I can answer as best as possible.

Thanks for anything you can add. I look forward to seeing what the web has to offer.

[SooSad33]

Sounds like you've been damaged from your childhood.... understandable you'r affected now.

 

Might I suggest you consider some prof help? You sound depressed. Some therapy is an idea and even talking to your doctor about some anti depressants.

 

Search up depression.. etc. See if that's you?

 

As for dealing with your child.. I understand parenting can be challenging. Do your best to NOT take it out on him/her.

If you feel a need to vent.. go out for a walk.. leave the room...etc.

 

Life can be very challenging.. I know.

[nao]

I also think that seeking professional help would be the smartest thing to do, we are all feeling unhappy, lonely sometimes, we all have problems but once you learn how to deal with your issues, like childhood traumas etc. everything should be easier...

I have tried therapy a few years ago and ever since I ve realized where my problems are coming from, this constant unhappy feeling went away, I am more balanced, and also my family is happier...

I don t think there is another way fixing this... Just find a therapist you trust and go work on your problems, the more you neglect this, the more likely it is you will also damage everybody around you...

[Wiseman2]

Agree. It may be best to get into some counseling and stop making excuses, blaming your parents, etc. why you are deliberately cold and withholding toward your wife. Are you having sex?

 

It sounds like so much seething resentment about her, dealing with your son, etc. It also sounds like this marriage has zero fun or romance planned into it, just apathetic standoffs.

I need to be happy. I need my family to be happy. I need to step up.