I Miss Him - How Do I Move On?

[namharnotalone]

My boyfriend of 3 yrs broke things off in March. What led to the breakup is I found a box of brand new unopened condoms (we don't use them) in January. We were having problems around the holidays, but I didn't expect to find that. After going back and forth, we agreed to move forward, but I was unable to let go and move on.

 

I was jealous and questioning things. His female friends would make flirtatious remarks and I'd flip or he'd go out without telling me and I'd think he was hiding things. Maybe this pushed him further away. I felt like the victim, but he kept turning things around on me. The fights were constant. He expressed how unhappy he'd truly become.

 

Finally, after many text arguments, he said he couldn't do it anymore.

 

We tried working things out briefly after in April, but things got worse. He treated it like we were dating while I treated it like a full relationship. I was impatient and flustered; I didn't think things through. He ultimately said he no longer felt the same and didn't want to go through the motions anymore. I admit we would've just extended a bad thing if we kept going. We both messed up within the 3 yrs we were together. But I miss him so so so much. I told myself I need to heal and put in work to change for myself and understand what I truly want. If I still miss him, I want to reach out for possible reconciliation.

 

Before the breakup, he already blocked me on social media and everything. He recently unblocked me, but we still don't speak at all. It's been 7 months. My friends update me telling me they see him on Tinder, and out at bars with girls. The feeling of him finding someone else to love while I'm still in love with him is unspeakable. It hurts so much. Can anyone relate? How do you cope?

 

Has anyone ever reconciled?

[Hermes]

Nam.

 

Why on earth would you event want to reconcile with this person?

 

Secondly, why are you even listening to your "friends" gossiping. Al you have to do is tell them "I don't want to know".

 

Fights were constant. Everything about the "relationship" was wrong.

 

You cope by not looking at he might or not be doing. You find a life for yourself, other interests, keeping busy.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like there were not only problems with compatibility but integrity. You have gotten the gift of freedom to find love with a someone committed to a relationship.

 

7 mos of NC means you are doing great and it may be time to start thinking about dating again.

He ultimately said he no longer felt the same and didn't want to go through the motions anymore.

Same guy?

[MirandaM]

If anything you dodged a bullet with this guy.

Do everything you can to avoid him on social media, out of sight out of mind is what I believe.

 

Agree with finding stuff to do and keep yourself busy as much as you can for the time being.

Sucks that you still have feelings for your ex, but you really do not want to have a relationship with someone who is already over it.

[moodindigo91]

What kind of friends would update you on your ex talking about his Tinder account?

 

Sounds like you need some new friends, you don't need to hear about that crap and you shouldn't. It's probably a big reason why you can't seem to cope or move on. Erase that man from your mind as much as you can. Who cares what he's doing on Tinder? You need to tell your friends to stop telling you about it and you need to pick yourself up and get some hobbies or something. You should not want to reconcile with him, it would be a pointless and painful endeavor not to mention a COMPLETE waste of time.

[namharnotalone]

I completely understand your opinion, and it's just the jolt I sometimes need to snap back to reality! He wasn't an angel, but neither was I. It's tough to sum up a relationship in limited paragraphs for people to see. His version of all this might have been very different. But we both shared a loving bond.

 

I agree with you that I should continue building my own life. Today I sort of reverted to the first super depressing months of the breakup. I have since really tried to move forward - hang out with friends, replace memories specific to him with new ones, promotion, new car, etc. Every now and then I fall backwards. I think about the possibility of us both growing from this experience to form a better relationship in the future.

[namharnotalone]

Ah yes, I haven't posted in a while. I saw something that reminded me of him. I've been doing a lot better, but found myself reverting back today.

[moodindigo91]

Everyone's allowed to revert now and then keep on building your life up and really don't allow your friends to feed you information about his Tinder account.

[shellyf62]

You need to block him on the sites he unblocked you on.

 

You need to be very firm with your friends & tell them you dont want to hear anything about him. IF they keep telling you then stop talking to them. They are undermining your healing & not being a true friend to you.