going a little insane

[sssh]

Well my life is not all that perfect nor am I perfect but I have never come across more nasty people in my life. I have terrible inlaws and I cant for the life of me explain why they are so nasty to me.

 

I havent one disrespected them or ever did anything to hurt them. I am always helpful and kind whenever they need something. My motherinlaw hates me. Ask me why? I dont know . She has never really showed that she likes me . If you ask me shes a real bully.. I know the whole first child thing but my guy is the 2nd kid.. weird. Im wo tired of her now aand the rest of them. Every time we visit they are nasty, they have terrible comments (only when his not around) and they are always talking bad of everyone. They are rude and have no manners. They swear and speak all the time and expect so much from my husband all the time . I actullyfeel so sad for him because they dont bother with him until they need something.

 

I have told him about this. And he has rebeled against me and gave me the whole "what can I do line" .. what I dont understand is.. he complains so much to me about them and how they use him. And when I just chip in to comment he uses it against me. How does that work? He has never had a relationship with them. But to be honest I dont blame him they are so nasty. His mother bullies me and when I tell him he refuses to believe me. His whole approach is "sort it out by yourself". I feel soo betrayed when he does this. Its like I will always be last. Everything he doesnt do for his family his family blames on me. Even though it isnt me. Im so torn what should I do

[Seraphim]

Trying to get him to be against his parents won't work. I yapped to my husband about his parent's jerk treatment of me for about 26 years. Only made him mad at me not them. The more I yapped the more saintly they became.

 

What we have to remember here is that it is not personal they would do this to anybody our supposes would choose to marry.

 

My in-laws are now pretty elderly 80+. My father-in-law has Parkinson's and pretty advancing dementia. And my mother-in-law's pretty much henning around her husband so she doesn't have time to notice me. And when they do notice other people they are trying to be nice so they are not remembered as mean nasty people.

[Wiseman2]

Stop complaining to your husband about his mother. How would like it if he were hateful and only said bad things to you about your parents? Your whining about not liking them is pointless.

 

Try to visit less often and have less contact with her. Just be polite and ignore them as much as possible. He's not "betraying" you he's defending the parents who raised him against your nasty chronic criticisms.

 

Go to therapy to get to root of your hatred and need to be verbally abusive to him by disrespecting and putting down his parents.

I have told him about this. And he has rebeled against me and gave me the whole "what can I do line"

Same situation?

[sssh]

Thank you for your advice I will not say anything anymore. I didnt say I was abusive to them, I said I did nothing and they nothing but nasty to me.how am I turning out to be the bad one. When he himself comes and complains to me..

 

Yes you are right he is probably getting offended but that shouldnt let it be an excuse for me to be a doormat for anyone.

[tattoobunnie]

Stick to the facts!!!

 

Whatever you do, kill them with kindness, and never say a bad word about them (only to your family and friends to vent). When they start acting nasty, share what they did, and ask your hubby, "I wonder why they did/said that?" Only share things that factually occurred, not how you feel, or how you interpret them. He will soon go, "w*f" with them.

[sssh]

I will certainly try my best to do that from now onwards. Thank you

 

Realizing that venting to him is creating a big hole in our relationship

[ThatwasThen]

Are you Indian? I ask because sometimes this is how it goes in that culture.

 

As for him complaining about them. He's simply venting to you. He doesn't want you to have a solution or diss his parents... he just wants to vent.

Now, if he won't believe you when you tell him what they've said/done then why don't you have your cell phone voice recorder on while you're around them and you can play it back to him and ask him for his help on how cope with that. No yelling, no screaming, no complaining about them. Simply: "Can you help me to figure out how I can handle that without getting so upset over it?" Then, let him speak.