single for ever?

[single4good]

Hi, sometimes I really wonder if I will ever meet a girl. I am a 25 yr old male who has never ever had a g/f in my life. I do wonder if I have been cursed with bad luck or whether being single it is just meant to be for me. I have been out hundreds of times with my friends and never seem to get any interest at all. A lot of people say have confidence and just be yourself and you will eventually meet someone. I am sorry but I don't see it happening. I consider myself to be an attractive male (and so I have been told) 6ft4 dark brown hair and blue eyes and very athletic but I go out and try talking with girls and they don't want to know me. If they bottled me and sold me as a girl repellent they could make millions lol. I know it sounds arrogant but I don't see what ingredient I am missing. I have a good job make good money and always treat people with respect and dignity but this does not to seem to make a difference. I have been very close to a few of my female friends but they seem to want to date any guy in the world but me. They tell me I am good looking and assume I would have no trouble meeting a girl but it just isn't the case

 

Is there anything I can do to help my situation? I am sick of being told to be patient and that the right girl is around the corner...because I have heard this story for 8 or more years and know this is not true. I also know getting negative about the situation is just going to throw me into a vicious cycle of more of the same but I really am just on the verge of giving up hope. Anyone out there feel this way or have any advice for a hopeless cause such as myself?

[lamode]

yep, i used to have same problem as you, but im getting better now. u said u has met hundreds of times with your friends i think that also mean u have met a load of girls in outside. but have you ever try to shows u are interesting in someone or do something that let her know u interesting in her? Confidence is a really important factor but over confidence is not too good, and again u should try to make the girl you interesting feels she is special than everyone else, sometimes you also need to be a little bit stand out n outgoing. maybe you can ask a girl to have a cup of tea with u rather than go out to have dinner with u, if u feel u want to spend somemore time with her, you can go shopping with her afterward then u can make a load of conversation while you shopping with her.

 

i hope this help u

[single4good]

Thanks for the advice, yeah I was really close to a female friend and would have done anything for her. I often did things to show her I cared but never officially came out and told her.....reason being was she was never really suggested she was interested in me in a romantic way. I dont see her any more because she eventually met a b.f which has kinda hurt me. Trying to move along but cant meet any girls to do that!

[Dre_7]

Maybe you need to change your way of thinking. Even your name is negative, "single4good." If you think you'll be single for ever, you will. Your thoughts will cause you to close yourself off from being yourself with girls and pursuing them. And the way you act will cause other people to percieve you as being uninterested. Even the girls who do like you won't do anything because they'll think you don't like them. And thr fact that you think you'll be always single will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And I'm not just saying this either, sometimes I feel the same way as you do. But be positive, know what you want in a girl, and get out there and meet as many people as you can. Approach girls, some will like you, some won't, but the important thing is that you'll build confidence.

[Prosper]

Then you are hangup. Would it be due to past experiences, you tend to be close to people and then draw back ?

[eagles04]

i am in the same situation that u r in. i hate it 2 , my family & friends says that one will come , but w/ me the guys that i like dont like me back , cause the way i look & talk & the things that i tellem bout myself see iam friends w/ the police and fire people and that i did karate , wrestling, track, i scare them off all the time. I appoach guys all the time, get info bout them and stuff.

[eagles04]

i have been rejected more then 100x's , hate it so much. i got this friend well we talk in privite , w/ non of his buds around. whe ever they r near by they make fun of him bout it.

[MyNinja]

try not to go "looking" for people, instead just be yourself no matter who you are around. also try not to have the conscious thought of trying to meet someone. if you do come accross someone that you find a interest in just be casual and at ease with yourself and let the flow of things be natural........if nothing "clicks" between the both of you don't bash yourself and say no one is interested in you, that's the big mistake and you'll dig yourself into a deeper hole. don't worry God has someone for you..if it will make you feel any better ive never dated either! but i always tell myself that God has someone out there for me, he's just tellng me to wait..your patience will pay off, just hang in there!!

[Mjane]

Do you know how to flirt?

I find this a key missing ingredient in decent, nice, kind men who are normal looking, but lack a romantic life.

I have met tons of men who can chit chat or you can have normal conversations with... but it comes off dull because there is no flirting. Flirty involves body language as well as witty remarks. Flirting can be as simple as touching a girl on her arm, bumping into her or brushing up against her while you are talking. Being witty involves trying to be light, funny, entertaining without bitterness, etc. Do you do this?

I found in my 20s one of the reasons I didn't date much is because I put up walls around myself and didn't even know it. I knew how to flirt, but often closed myself off to advances. It took me years to open up. I now take a lot more risks than I used to. I think that's key. Being open and taking risks. Assume you are going to get hurt or rejected, then blow it off. If you are accepted then it's a pleasant surprise!!!

[single4good]

Thanks for the advice people!

 

Dre_7 >> I don't think It is so much that I am negative around girls. In fact I am sure the majority of girls who know me would describe me as rather confident and positive. Sure my username is negative, I agree, but this is just the way I feel after another night out and never meeting anyone in all my life.

 

eagles04 >> Sounds like you can relate to my situation. I actually read your post a few days ago about your guy friend who friends give him trouble when you are around. Sounds to me like this guy likes you, I wouldn't worry what his friends think. After all it is between you and him..not his friends. And they don't sound like that good a friends to be doing that to him. Best of luck!

 

mo'Nique >> You are right. That is the attitude I should have. That way you don't get hurt when you do go out or meet new girls and nothing clicks. I wish I could. I just find it so hard not to 'look' after so long. On top of that there is so much pressure to meet someone. This last Christmas for example my cousins said so have you met a girl yet...I give them the same response as I do every Christmas....Nope They joked about whether I was gay or what? It is small things like this. On top of that crawling into bed every night by yourself is not fun. I yearn to have the experience of holding or being with a significant other. It is all these reasons why I find it hard not "to look".

 

Mjane >> I think this might be great advice for me. I would say I am fairly hopeless of flirting with girls. It is ok if I know them but when I first meet a girl (and this is probably where first impressions count) I come accross I would say as fairly reserved. I guess I know "how" to flirt but don't do it until I feel comfortable enough with a girl.

[Mjane]

I'm sorry that I don't agree with advice about "not looking."

I'm always looking. There is nothing wrong with it.

Single, I suggest you try this. Go to a bar. Anywhere. The goal is not to pick up anyone. It's not to meet anyone. The goal is simply to practice your flirting skills. Key. Smile. Be genuine. Be charming. Nothing fake though. Crack a few jokes. Try and be witty. The best way to strike up a conversation with a stranger is to make an observation, something amusing that can lead to a conversation. Keep the conversation light and jokie.

I flirt with people all the time. Men. Women. Day. Night. It adds fun to my day and it makes me feel good. Have you not wondered why some seemingly ugly guys have girls? It's mostly because they are charming. It's not an inbred skill. It can be learned.

[Caldus]

Hmm...brushing up against a girl when I first meet her? I would be scared that I'm sexually harassing her! LOL.

 

I agree though. There has to be a little bit of flirting in there at some point. The best way that I can flirt with a girl is if I get all cute and goofy on her. Everyone has their strengths. Now use them.

[single4good]

Thanks MJane, I will try it out. I think the reason to this point why I generally shy away from flirting is because I see it as being kinda sleazy. I see guys do it all the time and they only have one thing on their mind and I would expect girls to know this. I don't want to appear like that. I know what you are saying though...a bit of harmless flirting is definitely an advantage. I guess it is a fine line though just don't want to go over the top with it.

[MetallicAguy]

Are you too shy to make a move? Do you not know what to say? What is it. It's probably one of those. Or you think poorly of yourself. In other words your self-esteem/confidence sucks. You need to fix it, get a book on it or spend the extra $$ of yours on a psychologist or counselor.

[single4good]

MetallicAguy >> I am not shy and will talk to girls when I go out. Just last night I must have talked to 5-6 different girls who I had never met before....I started conversation with all of them. I also don't suffer from low self esteem or confidence. I think I may come accross as somewhat closed to girls or unapproachable. I think being really tall adds to this even more. I am excited to see what happens when I try out Mjanes advice. It certainly cannot hurt the situation that is for sure!!

[Caldus]

single4good, being taller will not prevent you from getting women. As far as I know women like taller men actually. It's probably just the way you're approaching them. Just try out that bar thing like someone else suggested and let us know how it goes.

[single4good]

I know it doesn't prevent you from getting women, and yes I know girls probably in general like a guy taller than they are so that is a bonus. My point is that being taller can *sometimes* be intimidating to a girl and make them less likely to approach you. I know not always...but I am sure it plays a part.

[MetallicAguy]

Maybe working out might do the trick? And if you have submissive body language fix it. No arm-crossing, no pointing toes inward, no leg crossing no head resting on hand. None of that. Other than that, it might be conversational topics....I have no idea at this point. But it's probably definitely something as simple as the clothes you wear lol. For real.

[MetallicAguy]

Well if your 7'0 and bony then I bet a girl wouldn't approach you ever. If your around 6'5 to 6'8 then I suggest if you don't already work out. If you act to nice guy around women that could turn em off. Nice guy meaning your an ***-kisser pretty much. If not any of these I really don't know maybe it's just the wrong type of woman your looking into.

[single4good]

Lol I am reasonably sure it is nothing to do with my appearance. As I have stated. I am very athletic....I work out a lot and have the body shape of an athlete. I am also certain it is nothing to do with how I dress. Sure some girls have different taste in clothing as everyone is different but I have been complemented on having good taste in clothing by female friends. I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned body language. Although it is not submissive body language. More about looking approachable which when I think about it...I don't.

[MetallicAguy]

Well then; Head up tilted back, hold yourself like your the greatest man that walks (besides Jesus of course lol). It feels nerdy at first but you feel more confident with yourself when you do. And remember no hands in pockets. Thats the most addictive submissive body language thing ever. And Chest out. After those things are done you will look approachable to women. I'm done good night (lol for real.).