NoComply Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 ok, ive been talking and hangout out with this girl for a few weeks now, were really close and have a sort of relationship at the moment, she knows im in college and that im 16, 17 in a month. she said she was doing her gcse's atm, so i assumed that she was in year 11, as she sort of looks 15, so we never really openly said what our age's were. i recently found out that she is 14 and turns 15 in 2 to 3 months, i dont really have a problem with this, as i liked her before i knew her age. but i just dont know what peoples reactions will be if a proper relationship does come out of this. i think my parents will argue with me alot i think my friends (who mainly have girlfriends their age) will accuse me stuff and generally take the piss i think people in my year will think it is lame or just outright wrong. any help that you could give me would be greatly appreciated, thanx.... Link to comment
swift44 Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 yea iw as in the same situation except im 17 but just a hunio and she 14 , to me this 4 yr difference dont mean nothin ta me because i liek her waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much for me to care, but her fam kidna broke us up, they had a big problem wit it, but other people n her amilyy didnt. it truly depend son the people. but i suggest that if you want to b with ehr, i guess keep it on the low until you can tell ehr parents. otherwise it might cause some problems Link to comment
DN Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 what is the actual age difference in months - years can confuse the issue Link to comment
NoComply Posted March 12, 2005 Author Share Posted March 12, 2005 no, its not just because of looks, if it was just about looks id be trying 2 go out with a girl in 1 of my classes at college who is more attractive, i just dont get on as well with her. and i didnt know she was only 14 until after i got attracted to her, which i mentioned before and montelesa, i never said her parents did, they dont know, were not exactly going out or anything yet, read the first post again... Link to comment
DN Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 I'm not criticizing him. As a 17 yr. old, you would have to be at a lower level of maturity to be on the same level as a 14 yr. old. The only other choice would be that it's physical attraction. It's got to be one or the other--or both. Again though, what worries me the most is that the parents of a 14 yr. old would allow it. My daughter was 14 nearly 15 when she went out with a 17 year old. We were concerned, monitored the situation as best we could, and allowed progressively more freedom as she got older. Had we forbidden it there would have been even more problems, you cannot know what your teenagers are doing all the time, but she is very mature, and was a year ahead of her age group. They were together for four years, until they grew apart when she went to university. It turned out well, so I think it depends on the people involved, their maturity level and how much you can trust them. They were actually both mature and had goals of their own and helped each other reach them. They parted as friends but now, several years later, don't remain in contact. He was a a hard-worker with two part-time jobs, was ambitious, didn't smoke or do drugs, took care of himself and of her when she was with him. I would say he was a positive influence on her. She could have been with people of her own age who got into all sorts of trouble. Link to comment
NoComply Posted March 12, 2005 Author Share Posted March 12, 2005 no, its not just because of looks, if it was just about looks id be trying 2 go out with a girl in 1 of my classes at college who is more attractive, i just dont get on as well with her. and i didnt know she was only 14 until after i got attracted to her, which i mentioned before I'm just curious. What do you have in common with her? erm, keeping it simple, >> music, interests, sense of humour... Link to comment
DN Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 I Also, how is a 14 yr. old coming into contact regularly with a 17 yr. old? high school Link to comment
NoComply Posted March 12, 2005 Author Share Posted March 12, 2005 Also, how is a 14 yr. old coming into contact regularly with a 17 yr. old? one of my groups of friends is kinda ppl from 14/15 to 17.... same school, same local gigs etc... Link to comment
DN Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 both my nieces went to the same school, dated boys their own age and got pregnant. Both are now single parents in low paying jobs. My daughter dated a boy two years and a couple of months older and did not. She is now a BA and training to be a teacher, lives with her fiance, saving for a house and has plans for children when they are ready. I realise anecdotal evidence is of limited use, but that is what happened. Times have changed, and whether you buy the theory or not, it is just as likely that a girl will get pregnant from an exact contemporary as someone older (or younger!). It is all very well lamenting these changes but the practicality of it demands that we should educate about birth control rather than setting rules which are unenforceable. I told my daughters "don't have sex - but if you do, use birth control" I made it clear I didn't approve of them having sex but was realistic enough to realise they might anyway Link to comment
swift44 Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 me and my gurl had alot in common mainly because she is very mature, but also because the age difference doesnt really get in our way, a 14 yr old is learnin to be a teenager and begins goin thru stuff teens usuakky go throuh, a 17 yr old is jus in the middle of it, so they actually would be able to relate on alot of things, and pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaase, if you arent here to help, dont reply, jus please help the guy asking for help, dont sit here saying its only looks, that may be how it is for you, but people are different and the other lady said her daughters relationship was good, so jus accept the fact that different age groups are merging noawadays and answer the guys question lol Link to comment
NoComply Posted March 12, 2005 Author Share Posted March 12, 2005 DN isnt saying that he is just saying what his opinion is, you seem to have the mindset that your way of thinking is right and that all others are wrong..... i know that had nothing to do with this actual thread, but i just thought id mention it Link to comment
NoComply Posted March 13, 2005 Author Share Posted March 13, 2005 And no, I don't have to accept that those age groups are merging. I've been around longer than you have and things in society have gotten worse--not better. for some who is much older you seem a little immature, how can you refuse to believe the inevitable lol, look im younger then you so i have a better understanding of things in the my age group, you seem to be refusing to even be open minded to what we are telling you, and ig you truly are trying to help................Then help stopa rguing and give the kid advice not judgements. again not meaning to totally take this away from the thread, but hes right, your mind seems totally closed to the development of teenage lifestlye since you were that age, your in thr 40's, so thereforeeee your teenage years will have been greatly different to how they are now in terms of beliefs, strictness of beliefs, entertainment etc.... swift44 is right in that he will understand the age group a little better as he is a member of it! think im not making sense now so ill end this post....... now Link to comment
TrippinOnLife Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 I'm in a similar situation. I'll be 17 in a little bit, and this girl I like, she'll be 15 in a few months. I kinda liked her back in the summer, and she reciprocated, but then we went our separate ways, because summer was just a really busy time. Now, I'm not sure exactly how much I still like her, but we're still friends, and I guess I'm just accepting that. I know that if I did ask her out, she would say yes, but I'm not sure if it's whats really best for me or her. Atleast we're becoming good friends. I like her because she is much more mature that other kids her age. I've known her the last 4 or 5 years, and I have consistently seen this. It's not just physical or anything... Link to comment
DN Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 She is entitled to her opinion and it is just as valid as mine or anyone elses. And I don't necessarily disagree with her either. We went through a lot of concern at my daughter dating a guy that much older and monitored it closely. Teenage pregnancy and single motherhood is a major concern in our society. Absent fathers, dysfunctional familes, children living in poverty are huge societal problems. I would support anyone who tries to do anything to reverse that trend. We may disagree on the way to do it but we can agree there is a problem that needs fixing. I hope she will continue to post her opinions on here - if one young teenager fewer gets pregnant because of her opinion then that can only be a good thing. "I disagree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for your right to say it" ... Descartes. Link to comment
Dgirllamius Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 I take it you're from the UK because you said GCSE's I was 14 when I started my GCSEs because you're doing them over 2 years (year 10 AND 11 so I wouldn't instantly assume that just because they said they were doing their GCSEs meant they were in year 11....) I came here a while ago to ask for some advice in a similar situation. There's a guy I like at work and he's 16 but I'm 19 and also the whole "falling for them before you knew their age" is the same too. I liked him from the moment we started chatting, and I seriously thought he was my age and then he told me he was 16. He is so mature for his age...and all I got from people was that "it's illegal for someone of your age to date someone under the age of 18" and I'm like "WHAT?!? Since when?". There's no "law" to say that you're not allowed to date this girl. If you like her, and she likes you, then why not?! Sure, there will be problems, but you can overcome them in time and soon everyone will get used to the fact that you ARE a couple and that you're happy. Link to comment
NoComply Posted March 13, 2005 Author Share Posted March 13, 2005 yeh, theres no law.... anyone of any age can legally date, its just the moral side of it that gets all confusing! i can see why ppl say what they do thought, but i dunno, i liked this girl before i knew how old she was, i even thought she went 2 the other college at first.... and i cant just not like her now because ive found out shes younger than i thoguht, so thats kinda why im a bit confused. Link to comment
I_love_rain_hugs_and_you Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 Here is a suggestion: Everyone should be banned from dating until they reach age 18. After all, most people don't reach maturity until they are 18. This isn't just guys....girls too can be so immature. So why date and screw each other up with childish immature? Wait to date. I am 21 and have never dated and I don't care. I have lots of friends who are 21 (or older) who have never dated. Too many people start dating too young. Both 14 and 17 are too young to date. SO just forget about each other and do something else with your lives. Remember, you can date at almost any age, but there are so many things that you can only do when you are 14 or 17 that you will never have the chance to do when you are older. So enjoy them and ignore dating. Only date when you really are serious about finding someone to marry. Link to comment
DN Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 It's a shame when you see 12 year olds dressing like sex objects. I agree with that. Easy to blame the media etc. but the images they get tell them that is how to dress. Some of the posters advertising clothes would appeal to a pedophile. Link to comment
I_love_rain_hugs_and_you Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 --I agree. I didn't even know what sex was until I was 11!!!!!!!! "shame when you see 12 year olds dressing like sex objects." Link to comment
I_love_rain_hugs_and_you Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 ANd i believed in Santa until I was 10 years old. I know kids who stopped believing when they were only 5, and then they are watching pop stars wearing skimpy clothing when they are just 8. So perverted!!!!!! Ya..what happened to childhood? Dating should begin when you are serious about getting married..after age 18!!!! Link to comment
DN Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 ANd i believed in Santa until I was 10 years old. You mean there really isn't a Santa? Link to comment
Dgirllamius Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 Not so fast there! When he turns 18, he'd better be careful because then he could easily be accused of statuatory rape. If the dating is going to involve any kind of sex and one person is an adult and one is a minor---then it's statuatory rape. Do you know why we have that law? Because minors often cannot make mature on their own regarding matters such as sex. Not really.... He's from the UK...and as soon as she turns 16, it won't be classed as statuatory rape. And seeing as he has already passed the 16 mark, no one can get them into trouble, but thats only once she's turned 16. Some of my girl friends had sex at 14 (including myself) and we never got pregnant. It's because we took precautions. We were taught in school between right and wrong, what to do etc and how to have safe sex. School don't encourage it, but if you're going to do it, then it's best they're told at a young age (even though most people in this country don't take any notice and go out and get pregnant anyway, but that's usually the townie/chavette girls that do that...mainly because they don't have one brain cell, and no, I'm not being insulting towards these types of people...). Anyhoo, there's no use telling this guy what he can and can't do. If he likes this girl, and she likes him too, then why can't they be together? They don't have to have sex, but they can if they want IF they talk about it and do it properly Link to comment
NoComply Posted March 13, 2005 Author Share Posted March 13, 2005 Not so fast there! When he turns 18, he'd better be careful because then he could easily be accused of statuatory rape. If the dating is going to involve any kind of sex and one person is an adult and one is a minor---then it's statuatory rape. Do you know why we have that law? Because minors often cannot make mature on their own regarding matters such as sex. Not really.... He's from the UK...and as soon as she turns 16, it won't be classed as statuatory rape. And seeing as he has already passed the 16 mark, no one can get them into trouble, but thats only once she's turned 16. Some of my girl friends had sex at 14 (including myself) and we never got pregnant. It's because we took precautions. We were taught in school between right and wrong, what to do etc and how to have safe sex. School don't encourage it, but if you're going to do it, then it's best they're told at a young age (even though most people in this country don't take any notice and go out and get pregnant anyway, but that's usually the townie/chavette girls that do that...mainly because they don't have one brain cell, and no, I'm not being insulting towards these types of people...). Anyhoo, there's no use telling this guy what he can and can't do. If he likes this girl, and she likes him too, then why can't they be together? They don't have to have sex, but they can if they want IF they talk about it and do it properly exactly, since when did i ever mention sex in this freakin thread!!!! its not what this thread is about!! sheesh! read the first post again!!!! Link to comment
xox_lor_xox Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 umm i have a bf who is 19 and im 15-16.... and when u first telll ppl there gunna be a little shocked... but let them get to know her first...cuz now i have more best friends...i love it b/c there older they know whats going on they can help me out... and my friends are like in love with my boyfriend...and no one even cares about the age...if doesnt even seem like were 4 years apart most of the time.... so i would say go with it... but u have to find out what kind of parents she has first off... b/c shes got to find the best way of telling her rents...b/c they have to know its worst if they found out u lied trust me! Link to comment
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