Attraction Deficiency?

[Robinthehood1]

When a woman loses her attraction to a man, what specifically drives the loss? Physical? Emotional? Why do women lose their attraction for a man they have loved for years?

[Realitynut]

My opinion? Emotional. for emotions drive the loving feelings. Physical beauty can come and go...but if a man is emotionally abusive...or physically abusive...or emotionally unavailable, the woman loses their love/attraction. Once you lose the emotional attraction...you many times find that person becoming physically unappealing also.

[Ms Darcy]

Not all women are the same and it's very different depending on the woman and the nature of the relationship.

[Robinthehood1]

If a guy was making a genuine attempt to change and prove that it's real and consistent, what would it take for you to take notice?

[Ms Darcy]

If a guy was making a genuine attempt to change and prove that it's real and consistent, what would it take for you to take notice?

 

Again, it depends on the person. If she has decided to end the relationship, then that has usually come after an extended period of time where she's debated with herself about that decision. Basically, at that point it's too late. She's done emotionally and attempts to change don't mean anything.

 

That's assuming she ended the relationship of course.

[lostlove76]

Sometimes the problem lies within her, not you. My cousin was married for several years, had a young daughter with him. Then she left him and the daughter a few years ago, and has been partying it up ever since. Was with another guy at one point, had another baby, left them and went back to partying. Her husband wasn't perfect (who is?) but the problem was HER mental and emotional state. She's completely unstable. She managed to settle down for a little while, but then changed. It doesn't have to be that drastic. Some women have mid-life crises, I'm sure, or just grow restless, and the result is them drifting away and seeking freedom and independence.

 

If it's nothing like that, and you haven't changed drastically in appearance, then it's probably emotional. I would ditto what Realitynut said about that above. If someone feels unappreciated for a long time, or grows tired of trying really hard to make things work and seeing no changes, then she slowly shuts you out.

[lostlove76]

If a guy was making a genuine attempt to change and prove that it's real and consistent, what would it take for you to take notice?

 

Consistency across time. Anyone can change for a month or two, or 6 months, or whatever. Anyone can say they're changing, and show efforts, but will it stick? Only time will tell.

 

I read on your other thread that she's having an emotional online affair? Not good. Someone can't be committed to working things out when their attention is divided and they're getting emotional support and comfort and thrills elsewhere. She's not entirely innocent in all of this (I'm a bit unclear about what "all of this" is though, sorry) if you're a still married and she's carrying on with someone else.

 

It seems like your best and only bet at this point is to work on becoming a better man, and own it with confidence. She may or may not notice. It may take a while. Just keep at it, because it's all you can do right now if she is unwilling to work things out together as a couple.

[LadyRayne]

The question is a little like asking how long is a piece of string... It depends on what's going on in the relationship or inside her head. If one can honestly say they are an attentive, loving husband/partner it probably would point to her either having some inner demons to deal with or something has drastically changed in the relationship that she's not happy about. I lost my feelings of attraction to my ex husband probably to a lesser extent due to the fact that he was a compulsive liar, unreliable and had no ambition but I stuck with him because I wanted to make the marriage work however after he cheated and even though I stayed for another 5 years trying to work things out I developed quiet a definate disgust to him physically and now 6 years on from divorce I am completely repulsed by him... And can never understand what I saw in him physically. It is an emotional response to the way I was treated.

[Robinthehood1]

In her head? I don't know. I think she is struggling with the idea of divorce, split time with kids, etc. However, today, she doesn't believe we can be happy together. I have acknowledged and validated her feelings and told her I don't want our old marriage. I want a new marriage with her. I don't want her to stay with me out of obligation, guilt or for the kids. I want her to be with me because she genuinely loves me and. can be happy with me. It seems so distant right now but I cannot give up. The focus is on me, not her. I can only control what I do. She will have to choose to stay together or not.

[LadyRayne]

Thats true all you actually can do is work on yourself. How she feels is entirely her deal.. Probably speaking to a counsellor would help you both individually if you're not already doing that

[Lester]

It's not about attraction, physical or emotional.

Instead your wife, marriage and why she lost respect for you.

[j.man]

Every woman and situation is different. In your case, if strangers on the internet who had never met your wife knew better than you, as her husband of 11 years, why she lost interest, that itself would be telling hint of why things ended.

[Wiseman2]

Both plus fading over the years. Some people age well and keep the romance alive, some don't. What prompted her feelings of 'not attracted'? Did the sex decline/stop?

 

If she is talking divorce it sounds like too much conflict/neglect have also eroded this feelings. You can sit there and say 'it's up to her'...or you can do something about it.

When a woman loses her attraction to a man, what specifically drives the loss? Physical? Emotional?